


Text me, maybe

by captainhurricane



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Drunk Texting, Eventual Happy Ending, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Getting Together, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith and Lance being actually friends, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Amputation, Past Suicide Attempt, Pidge Offers A Lot of Advice and Wonders Why Her Friends Are Dumbasses, Shiro deserves nice things, Shiro has secrets, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Texting, Touch-Starved Shiro, text fic, tragic backstories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-03 05:30:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 66,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10236938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhurricane/pseuds/captainhurricane
Summary: Keith texts the wrong number. Shiro is adorably confused. Shenanigans ensue. Maybe, just maybe at some point so does love.





	1. the start of .. something?

**Author's Note:**

> i love texting fics and i love sheith and i love writing sooooo.... all the babes are in university/college. Not all of this is texting because I feel it limits the range of my writing quite a lot so yeah. Most interaction is by text messages though. 
> 
> Keith is **bolded** , Shiro is _italics_ , Lance is regular text.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith texts his new friend's number. The stranger who answers at 3am is much confused.

### August 12, 2016

 

 **Honestllyytt Lansace … Lancelot? fcking auto-correct doesn’t correct shit-**   [3:00am]

 **Laaaanceeeee**  [3:00am]

 **Lance**  [3:01am]

 **why aren’t u answering**   [3:01am]

 **where th e ufk**  [3:02am]

 **is this even your number**  [3:05am]

 **fid** [3:08am]

 **fuck** [3:08am]

 **did you give me a false number… wait is false even a word?** [3:09am]

 _I’m sorry to say buddy, but I think your friend gave you the wrong number_. [3:11am]

 **fucking knew it thatshldg douchenozzlebag**  [3:11am]

 **I haven’t ‘ adg.. sfdhl** [3:11am]

 _Are you alright?_  [3:12am]

 **durunk** [3:12am]

 _I figured. Maybe you’d better go to sleep then._  [3:12am]

 _And stop texting strangers._  [3:12am]

 **Statar. starn.. stranger is just a friend u don’t know yet**  [3:13am]

 **or that’s whatw Hunk always says and he’s wise and I trust him with my life and kidneys**  [3:14am]

 _Maybe so. Go drink some water. And head to bed. I’m certain your kidneys and your liver will appreciate it._  [3:14am]

 _I’m sure this Lance is just one number away._  [3:14am]

 **thahanks m an you’re pretty swell**  [3:15am]

 _Have a good night._  [3:15am]

 

###  ~

 

 

Man, buddy, buddy-boy, baby, I’ve been calling u for like three hours what the fuck (´･ω･`) [10:00am]

 **Kill me**  [10:02am]

You can’t be that hangover, me and Hunk woke up like three hours ago [10:02am]

 **no**  [10:03am]

Besides, you’re the one who vanished on us! つ´Д`)つ and just when things we’re getting so gooooood oh man Keith you missed so much [10:03am]

 **maybe because you gave me the wrong fucking number!! I couldn’t find you anymore so I went back to the dorms**  [10:05am]

booooo you wh- Hunk says I should not swear on my texts so I won’t call you that [10:05am]

 **just**  [10:05am]

That’s it, we’re coming to take u to breakfast [10:06am]

 **Laaaaanceeeee I don’t want any breakfast stop- oh you’re here**  [10:06am]

 

It’s easy to tell it’s Lance by the knocking and the constant _‘Keeeeith, Keithy Keith Keith, hereee, kitty, kitty, kitty’_ followed by more knocking and more scratching. Keith grimaces and tosses his phone to the bed.

“It’s open, you dick!”

“I know, I just wanted to fuck with you,” Lance says cheerfully as he steps in the tiny room, an apologetic Hunk trailing after him. Hunk mouths a quiet 'sorry' at Keith which Keith accepts with a nod.

Keith groans and rubs his eyes. “I really don’t want breakffff-“ his stomach growls. Lance smirks. They had met just a couple of days ago in the student orientation and had hit it up instantly. And by hitting up it’s meant that they had started to argue and banter to the utter annoyance of the other students and to the frustration of Hunk and Pidge, Hunk being Lance's old friend and current roommate and Pidge being Keith's old friend and current roommate. 

Somehow Keith had found himself lured into his very first party as a newly minted college-student, found himself in a drinking competition and bothering Lance for his phone number because everyone else of their newly gathered friends group had given Keith one. Instead Keith had ended up-

Oh. Oh, _right._ Keith swallows bile and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes once more.

“I ended up texting some random because of you. While mind-bogglingly drunk,” he grumbles and faces Lance once more. Lance shrugs and his smirk widens. His brown eyes have a dangerous sort of glint to them.

“Ohh boy, lemme see! Don't worry, I'll give you the right, but first,” he says and then snaps Keith’s phone for himself, effectively luring Keith out of his room to the vast corridors of Garrison College, the institute for the young and the bold and also for those who like their sports fast and violent as the Garrison Lions had been dominating the college football statistics for the past five years. Keith hadn't been enticed by the football but rather by all the other programs the college offers: all open to him because of his scholarship and his hardworking nature. 

Growing up orphaned would put a dampener to anyone's motivation but Keith had rarely let it get to him.

It's just the way it is, after all. There's nothing he can do about his origins but there is everything he can do about where he is going. And if he has his way, well, he'll be on his way to the stars.


	2. and so it continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith decide to continue texting. A stranger, after all, is sometimes a better listener than a friend. Keith's friends grow a little suspicious at him suddenly going social.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith is bolded, Shiro is italics, Lance is regular text, Pidge is italics and underlined.

## August 12, 2016

 _I’m sorry to bother you but… are you alright?_ [10:20pm]

 **What? Who’s this?** [10:23pm]

 **OH god again, it’s you, I’m sorry for drunk-texting you. You’re, you’re the guy right**? [10:24pm]

 **Unless you’re not a guy. Anyway.** [10:25pm]

 _I am indeed a guy. Don’t worry, it didn’t bother me. I just… I just kept thinking if you were okay. You were pretty drunk._ [10:27pm]

 _Sorry if this is creepy since I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I just. Yeah. You don’t have to answer._ [10:28pm]

 **No it’s kinda, it’s kinda cool. Like. Yeah. I’m fine. Hell of a hangover all day. You know student parties and all**. [10:29pm]

 **Unless you don’t know student parties. Obviously.** [10:30pm]

 _Only through movies and acquaintances, unfortunately. My school isn’t a regular one. May I ask where do you study?_ [10:30pm]

 **Aerospace engineering at Garrison College. Just started so I can’t really say what it feels like. So far so good. At least one of my best friends is my roommate so there’s that**. [10:32pm]

 **So… you seem pretty cool. You mind if I text you more?** [10:34pm]

 **I’m Keith, by the way. I’m genuinely, honestly 21 years old and not a serial killer. Or something.** [10:35pm]

 **Hey? You still there?** [10:49pm]

 **I do have friends and all but I just… I don’t know.** [10:52pm]

 _I’m sorry, something came up. Nice to meet you, Keith._ [10:59pm]

 _I know Garrison, one of my friends is the student council president. You might have bumped into her. Allura?_ [11:00pm]

 **Yeah, I saw her during the orientation. Seems pretty stern. One of my friends, well, Lance who gave me the wrong number by accident is pretty infatuated.** [11:01pm]

 **Are you okay?** [11:02pm]

 _Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. :)_  [11:02pm]

 **I don’t mean to be invasive or anything.** [11:03pm]

 _You’re not. It’s fine._ [11:03pm]

 _Anyhow, I gotta go. You can text me if you’d like. I swear I’m not a serial killer either._ [11:03pm]

 _I’m sorry that was creepy._ [11:04pm]

 **OH before you go, can I ask you if you’re a college student too? I don’t think you’d want to hear about my school woes otherwise or anything.** [11:05pm]

 _Not a college one, but I am a student. Maybe I’ll tell you where once we get to know each other better, okay? Anyhow. Yes. Sorry. I’m Shiro. I’m 22. And I really gotta go now but yes. Nice talking to you, Keith. Like you said last night, a stranger is a friend you don’t know yet. :D_ [11:07pm]

 **Never talk about last night to me again please** [11:07pm]

 **I swear I don’t really drink that much** [11:08pm]

 **Lance just persuaded me** [11:08pm]

 **Shiro’s a cool name.** [11:11pm]

 **Uh. Good night?!** [11:30pm]

 _Good night, Keith._ [01:03am]

 

## August 13, 2016

Have you noticed how much time Keith spends on his phone? [11:00am]

 _Everyone spends a lot of time on their phones. You especially, Lance._ [11:01am]

 _Don’t you have class right now?_ [11:01am]

Well, yeah, but history is boring af (;´Д｀) (;´Д｀) [11:02am]

And I don’t smile creepily at my phone [11:03am]

 _Yes you do_. [11:03am]

 _Especially when it’s something to do with a certain Student Council President. ` ͜ʖ´  I’ve known you for like two days and a half and already you’re so easy to read. Ohh boy_.[11:03am]

Silence u heathen (〃∀〃) ゞ [11:04am]

 _You know I’m right, nerd_ [11:04am]

Says the biggest nerd of us all [11:05am]

 _Never said I was anything but._ [11:05am]

 _Focus on your class and like, text Hunk instead of me next time. I got shit to do._ [11:06am]

Booooooo (`A´) (`A´) (`A´) (`A´) [11:07am]

~

~

 _You have been super distracted lately, what’s up_? [2:00pm]

 **What do you mean?** [2:15pm]´

 _I mean, you only got a phone like a year ago because I kept insisting_ [2:15pm]

 _And you’ve never used it that much_ [2:15pm]

 _considering it’s the oldest smartphone in existence and all_ [2:16pm]

 **Pidge please** [2:16pm]

 _and I’m kinda suspicious_ [2:17pm]

 **Can’t I use my own damn phone jfc** [2:18pm]

 **You and Lance both for fuck’s sake** [2:18pm]

 **at least Hunk isn’t hounding me** [2:19pm]

 _HMMMM (_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～☆_ _are you texting someone NICE_ [2:22pm]

 **No** [2:22pm]

 **Come eat with me I got to talk to you** [2:23pm]

 **Also please don’t start using those emojis, don’t become Lance** [2:23pm]

 _lmao no worry for that_ [2:24pm]

“So.”

“So what?”

Pidge squints. Keith coughs into his fist. Pokes his fork into his food, tries to listen to the buzz of the cafeteria around them and not to his own thoughts that keep on insisting that he tell her what’s up. Because something is, indeed, up.

Keith’s phone buzzes. He picks it up, squints at the text.

 _How is your day?_ [2:30pm]

 _I have to admit I’m a bit bored myself. On a dinner break currently._ [2:31pm]

“Ohhhh,” Pidge says and Keith’s head snaps back, his slight smile vanishing instantly.

“It’s just a friend,” Keith says.

“I’m your only friend,” Pidge says then. Keith grimaces. Pidge chews thoughtfully on her piece of rye bread and swallows, her eyes inquisitive and gleaming. “Of course there’s Lance and Hunk but your face doesn’t do the thing it just did when they text you.”

Keith shifts. His phone buzzes again. He glances at it.

 _I’m sorry if I bother you. I just figured you wouldn’t mind if I texted you._ [2:35pm]

Pidge cackles. Keith flips her off. She merely shrugs.

“Fine, don’t tell your oldest, most loyal friend, your non-biological little sister anything. Don’t say aaaanything.”

“It’s just a friend,” Keith says again. Rubs his cheek. Stuffs his mouth full to prevent himself from answering. Instead he answers Shiro.

 **It’s fine. I’m eating too. A long day ahead. Engineering is pretty tough but I like it.** [2:36pm]

 **You can text me anytime you like.** [2:37pm]

He nearly asks if Shiro has nightmares too. Or maybe Shiro is just an insomniac. Or maybe it’s none of Keith’s business.

His phone buzzes.

 _:) :)_  [2:38pm]

Keith smiles too. Pidge throws a balled up napkin at his head.

 

 


	3. first spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's first (of many) oh no he's hot-moments. Also Allura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as before, Keith is bolded, Shiro is italics, Pidge is italics and underlined.

# August 13-14, 2016

 **Hey, do you know martial arts**? [11:30pm]

 _Yes. Why?_ [11:35pm]

 **I’ve been thaiboxing and fencing for years but I’m thinking of dropping fencing** [11:35pm]

 **I just figured you’d have a suggestion on what martial art I should pick up** [11:36pm]

 **Not that I know anything about you yet** [11:36pm]

 **but just** [11:37pm]

 _:) It’s fine, Keith. I think Allura mentioned that Garrison has some sort of a plan with the Kerberos Training Facility nearby… I think they have classes on Han Moo Doo and taekwondo. I’m not particularly talented in martial arts but I know the basics of some._ [11:40pm]

 **Yeah, it costs kinda lot though** [11:40pm]

 **but I have to look into it** [11:41pm]

 _You can ask Allura. She goes to a lot of classes at Kerberos. I’m kinda… far away to be of any proper help._ [11:41pm]

 **I wanted to ask you** [11:41pm]

 **I mean** [11:41pm]

 **yea** [11:42pm]

 **anyhow. What’s your favourite colour?** [11:43pm]

 _You know, no matter what you say, you don’t have to be afraid of judgement from me. .. And it’s red._ [11:44pm]

 **Thanks** [11:44pm]

 **Mine’s red too.** [11:44pm]

 **Why are you awake this late by the way?** [11:45pm]

 _Things to do, texts to write. You know how it is. ;)_ [11:46pm]

 **asdasfds** [11:46pm]

 **I mean yea. Yeah. I’m only awake because Pidge keeps being loud on her laptop and I’m dying** [11:46pm]

 _Pidge? Your roommate?_ [11:46pm]

 **Yea. And my oldest friend to boot. First they weren’t gonna let me bunk with her because blah blah a boy and a girl in the same room wah wah but come on, Pidge doesn’t give a fuck about gender and I’m gay as fuck** [11:48pm]

 **…** [11:48pm]

 _As I said, no judgement, Keith._ [11:48pm]

 **Sorry, I don’t generally just blurt things out like that** [11:48pm]

 **Especially since, like, I’m not exactly out? Or I just. Don’t say things like that aloud. Even Lance and Hunk don’t know yet. Then again I met them like last week.** [11:49pm]

 _You come out when you want to come out, Keith. It’s 100% your choice. :)_ [11:50pm]

 **It’s stupid. Especially when Lance has made his bisexuality known to pretty much everyone everywhere** [11:50pm]

 **Like I doubt he’d care** [11:50pm]

 **and Hunk’s just too sweet to be a bigot idk** [11:51pm]

 _Not that sweetness generally excludes a person from being a dick. Are you going to sleep soon?_ [11:51pm]

 **Do you want me to?** [11:51pm]

 _No, not really._ [11:51pm]

 **Then I won’t. Unless I fall asleep. Shit, Pidge’s squinting at me.** [11:51pm]

 _:D_ [11:52pm]

 **She’s been suspicious of my sudden eagerness to be on my phone all day. I only got a smartphone like a year ago. I barely even have social media accounts. And like.. I realize she just worries a lot about me** [11:52pm]

 **but I just. I can have other friends than her or Hunk or Lance** [11:52pm]

 **that sounds super whiny, sorry. I blame the time.** [11:52pm]

 _Is that what you think of me as, Keith? A friend? :)_ [11:53pm]

 **Well, I just told you a super personal fact and you know Allura so I know you’re not some random weirdo** [11:53pm]

 **I met Hunk and Lance during the orientation when Lance was having a row with his ex-boyfriend in the middle of the school hallway and Hunk noticed us, me and Pidge trying to sneak past and loudly announced that OH HERE YOU ARE GUYS LET’S GO GET SOME GRUB and grabbed all of us, ex-bf excluded** [11:53pm]

 **… I don’t know why I told you that. But anyways. I just. I just feel like we’re already friends. You can’t ever be as weird as Lance anyway.** [11:55pm]

 _I vaguely remember Allura mentioning this Lance. I don’t think she is his biggest fan._ [11:55pm]

 _And hey… thanks, Keith. It makes me happy to hear you say that. :):)_  [11:56pm]

 _Also if you want, you can ask Allura about me. I don’t think she’ll indulge you with anything too personal but me and her go way back. Her father is actually one of the financiers for my school._ [11:56pm]

 **He’s also one the big bosses of my college. Jesus, I knew Allura came from a rich family but come on** [11:57pm]

 _She’s never let it get to her head though._ [11:57pm]

 **Good to hear. There’s nothing I hate more than pompous rich people.** [11:58pm]

 **Not that Allura’s pompous. It’s just… when you grow up like me and don’t have a lot of money people tend to look down on me.** [11:58pm]

 _It’s unfortunate that people always seem to find a reason to dismiss each other. I’m sorry for your bad experiences. I swear Allura’s not like that. I’m not like that either, I- uh. I grew up as an orphan back in Kyoto._ [11:59pm]

 **I don’t wanna talk about Allura. I wanna talk about you** [11:59pm}

 **I mean** [11:59pm]

 **get to know you and all. I’m an orphan too. Not in Kyoto though. You don’t currently live in Kyoto, right?** [12:01pm]

 _Don’t worry, I’m not that far away. Eh. Actually in Cali._ [12:01pm]

 _You’re not… going to ask?_ [12:05pm]

 **Ask what?** [12:05pm]

 _Why I’m an orphan. Why I haven’t told you where I go to school._ [12:06pm]

 **Dude. I hate when strangers and half-strangers ask about my family. Well. I hate it whenever anyone asks about my family. I figured you’d be the same. And like... your school. Eh. I want to get to know you, not your school, whatever it is.** [12:07pm]

 _I do feel a little bad though. You told me about your sexuality and all. Well. A question for a question?_ [12:09pm]

 **You’re weird but ok** [12:10pm]

 _The good kind of weird I hope. ;) Alright. I’ll start. I’m Shiro, full name Takashi Shirogane. Don’t bother googling me, I don’t have any social media accounts or anything. Sorry to disappoint. I’m 6’1._ [12:13pm]

 _Keith? You didn’t fall asleep did you?_ [12:39pm]

 **oh god** [12:40pm]

 **sorry I .. did drop my phone on my face and fell asleep and now Pidge is cackling at me from her bed** [12:40pm]

 _for a moment I_ [12:40pm]

 _no nothing. Well. If you’re that tired, maybe you should try to sleep._ [12:41pm]

 **It’s fine, it’s fine. So you’re tall as hell, oh boy.** [12:42pm]

 _Ah, I don’t. I don’t think I’m – I think I’m pretty average. On all accounts._ [12:42pm]

 **I doubt it but okay.** [12:42pm]

 **I’m Keith, Keith Kogane and you should Google me because I update my social media like once a month. .. I’m 5’6.** [12:44pm]

 _:) Nice to meet you again, Keith Kogane. May I ask about your heritage?_ [12:44pm]

 **No witty remarks about how short I am compared to u huh** [12:44pm]

 _A lot of people are shorter than me._ [12:45pm]

 **true, true. Well, as you probably guessed by the surname, I’m half. I mean, half-Japanese. I’ve never been there though, I was born in the US** [12:46pm]

 _Oh. You’d like it. I was born close to a Shinto temple and it was my go-to-place to go to calm down during my childhood._ [12:46pm]

 **Sounds cool. I’ve only seen temples and the like in pictures and movies.** [12:47pm]

 _So, um. Do you have any particular hobbies? Aside from drunk-texting strangers_. [12:47pm]

 **adsasf** [12:47pm]

 _Sorry, it was just one of the most confusing moments of my life. And here you are, still talking to me. ;)_ [12:47pm]

 **shush** [12:48pm]

 **Pidge is looking at me like I’m crazy** [12:48pm]

 **I’m texting no one pidge, go to sleep you nerd** [12:49pm]

 _Should say the same to you, Keith. Don’t you have classes to go to_? [12:50pm]

 **Not until like, afternoon. I won’t have any morning classes until like, Christmas.** [12:50pm]

 _I actually do need to get up at 6am._ [12:50pm]

 **D: why are you UP go to sleep I wouldn’t be able to function. I need at least 8 hours to be coherent** [12:51pm]

 **esp because I need to actually think during my classes** [12:51pm]

 **not that I mean you don’t have to think during yours** [12:52pm]

 **foot, out of my mouth** [12:52pm]

 **PIDEG OUT OF MY BED DON’T *READ my M eSS** [12:52pm]

 _Yo, strange person Keith keeps texting to with the creepiest smile on his face. [_ 12:55pm]

 _Um._ [12:55pm]

 _What are your intentions about my best friend? Who even ARE you?_ [12:55pm]

 _oh I just scrolled up. I know you!_ [12:57pm]

 _What?_ [12:58pm]

 _or like, know of you. Chatted up your old friend Allura and she mentioned something about her Brooding, Stunningly Handsome Best Friend from Childhood and how she misses him because apparently said him hasn’t said a word to her since coming back from god knows where_ [12:58pm]

 _I mean, Allura showed me a picture and boi_ [12:59pm]

 _Um I_ [01:03am]

 **I’m so sorry she wrestled the phone out of my hand and sat on me** [01:09am]

 _… Sat on you?_   _Are you okay?_ [01:09am]

 **yes** [01:10am]

 **She’s currently glaring at me** [01:10am]

 **fine I gotta go** [01:11am]

 _Hopefully to sleep. Do you often stay up this late?_ [01:13am]

 **You’re one to talk, Mister I Get Up At 6am** [01:13am]

 _Well… I’m used to sleeping around a couple of hours a night anyway._ [01:14am]

 _Goodnight, Keith. :)_  [01:14am]

 **Good night, Shiro.** [01:14am]

~

“You’re seriously not interested at all in what he looks like?” Pidge’s words are close to unintelligible as she chews on an apple. Apparently what she has for breakfast. Keith lets her lean against his shoulder as they stand in front of the shelves in the school cafeteria, stocked up with various drinks and sandwiches.

“Not really,” Keith huffs. He does remember the words ‘stunningly handsome’ but that’s just Pidge’s opinion; they had never found the same people attractive after all. Not that Pidge had ever  found anyone attractive in the first place.

Keith yawns, his jaw tight with sleep. It might be just ten in the morning, half an hour before the school lunch but he had slept restlessly, dreaming of things that had left him nauseous and tired. His hands feel cold so he drags Pidge to the coffee machine and buys both of them extra-large cups. The cafeteria-lady smiles understandingly at them.

“Have a good day, dears,” she says. Pidge waves. Keith merely raises an eyebrow.

“Takashi fucking Shirogane. Goddamn,” Pidge says once they have left the cafeteria and head towards the Physics building.

“He told me to call him Shiro,” Keith says softly and sips his coffee. His ears burn. It’s just the coffee.

Pidge nudges his side and waggles her eyebrows. Keith shifts away from her reach.

“It’s not like that. We just got to talking. He seems nice.”

“Mmhm.”

“Speaking of which, there’s Allura now.” Keith coughs and points. Before he can even begin to wonder how to begin conversing the illustrious Student Council President, said President spots them and waves back, actually starts to head towards them over the yard. Pidge lets out an uncharacteristically loud ya-hoo and shoots Keith her most evil smirk. Keith ignores the need to tickle her into pieces.

“Pidge, was it?” Allura’s voice is smooth, so silky it’s no wonder Lance is enamoured. Keith might not be attracted in the romantic sense towards women but even he stands up straighter.

“Yeah. This lump of coal is Keith. He was too much of a wuss-“

“Hey!”

“To say hello before but here he is now.”

Allura’s eyes are very, very blue. Her dark skin looks like it’s shimmering with some inner light under her head of pale white hair. She eyes Keith for long, offers him her hand.

“Allura. We’ll be seeing each other, I think. Pidge told me you study Aerospace engineering too, right?”

Keith nods, shoots Pidge a look. She pretends to not see.

“Anyhow,” Pidge says instead and steps in front of Keith. There is a glint in her eye. “You told me about Shiro, yes? The funniest thing happ-“ Pidge frowns when Keith’s hand slams against her mouth. Keith nudges her away and withdraws his hand quickly, meeting Allura’s curious gaze. Keith’s cheeks feel hot. Maybe it’s the coffee.

“I’d- I’d like to know more about Shiro, okay.”

“Why do you want to know about Shiro? How do you even know Shiro?” Allura tilts her head. Keith shifts. Pidge snorts into her coffee.

“My friend Lance-“

Allura snorts. Keith clears his throat.

“Gave me the wrong number during the welcome party. I kind of… drunk-texted Shiro instead of Lance. And now we’ve kinda. Become friends.”

Keith’s ears burn. Something in Allura softens, yet the inquisitiveness of her gaze doesn’t vanish. Pidge nudges Keith with her elbow.

“Oh. Well. Me and Shiro haven’t really been in contact for a while. Granted, he was in the middle of desert for most of this summer and often is in places where there’s no Wi-Fi or phone signal or anything but…”

Keith’s eyebrows are raised. Allura tilts her head again.

“He didn’t tell you?”

Keith shakes his head. “Tell me what? He told me he’s an orphan and his full name. We’ve only been talking for like a day or two.”  

Allura lets out a soft hum. “Look, Keith. Shiro’s… well. Shiro’s gone through a lot. It takes a lot for him to warm up to people. But I have never met anyone kinder. He puts others ahead of himself always: has done so ever since we were kids. That often doesn’t lead him to the easiest places.”

Keith bites his lip. His phone buzzes in his pocket. He takes a long sip of his rapidly cooling coffee.

“I’m not going to tell you anything too personal, that’s his choice. But just… it’s good if he finds the energy to talk to someone he barely even knows. It’s good that you worry,” Allura murmurs.

Keith rubs his cheek. “How do you know I worry about him?”

Allura huffs. “Your cheeks are very red, Keith. You wanna see his picture?”

Pidge snorts. Keith nods, nudges Pidge with his foot. She steals his coffee.

Allura then digs out her own phone: a sleek snow-white thing with a blue sigil on its back- Keith nearly asks what it is but holds himself back- and taps a few times. She’s smiling that curious little smile once more when she turns her phone towards Keith.

“It’s an old photo from around two years ago. I’ve kept it because it’s the most recent one I have of him. He kinda dislikes his photo taken, looks a little different these days but you know. Respect of my friend’s privacy. I wish he at least got an Instagram-account, he goes to a lot of different places,” she says and then goes on but Keith isn’t listening. He looks at the photo, long and hard; it depicts two people, both of them clearly at a party. There’s Allura with her hair in a long braid and wearing something sleek and shock blue, her bejeweled hand is curled around a cup, the other one curled around the waist of her companion who has to be Shiro. Even though Allura is very tall and has the muscles of a panther- not that Keith had watched Lance scroll through Allura’s Instagram-feed and seen the numerous photos of her in her running shorts- the man next to her is _broad_ , his muscle tank barely able to keep a hold of biceps way wider than Keith’s own. Shiro isn’t smiling as wide as her, his gaze almost shy. Keith’s heart thuds.

Oh no.

~

 _The last time I met Allura was a year ago during Christmas. I generally spent it with her family. It wasn’t anything they did. That Allura and I kind of… fell out of touch. It just was hard for her and her family to see me the way I was during that Christmas. I had changed a lot from my teenage-years. That’s why Allura doesn’t have recent pictures of me. I refused to let them take mine during that Christmas: I didn’t… I still don’t want proof of the person I have become._ [11:30pm]

 _Sorry to spring shit like this on you, Keith. I just want to be honest with you before we talk any more. I’d understand if you wanted me to leave you alone completely. I can be a handful nowadays. And I apparently overshare too. And you’re probably already asleep. And all._ [11:35pm]

 _Somehow I feel… better after writing these messages. Huh_. [11:46pm]

 _Good night, Keith._ [11:58pm]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue whatsoever why I decided to go with America as the setting. The am and pm forever confuse me. You Americans confuse me.


	4. getting to know you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith chat a little more and open up to each other. Keith may already harbor a little crush. The others take notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, Shiro is italics, Keith is bolded.

## August 15, 2016

 **Whatever you have done in your life, Shiro…. I’m sure you’ve had your reasons. Everyone’s got skeletons in their closets; me included** [07:05am]

 **I’ve done bad things too** [07:06am]

 **I’ve gone through five foster homes before saying fuck it to the whole system and moving in with Pidge** [07:08am]

 **And I saw your photo, by the way. Allura still has one from forever ago. I asked her about you and she didn’t tell me anything really but she showed me the photo.** [07:10am]

 **You’re.. you ah. Um. [** 07:15am]

 **Pidge is glaring at me for waking her up so early and I gotta go soon and our first class is super early and the professor has a strict policy about phones in his class** [07:16am]

 **I just meant to say. Your eyes are very kind.** [07:17am]

~

_Keith was added to the group chat ‘Keith Is Nasa’s Bitch aka Keith Loves Nasa More Than Us BOOO’_

**Keith:** the fuck

 **Lancelicious** : :D :D :D :D :D HE LIVES

 **Hunkalicious:** can we not with these names, Lance

 **Pidgelicious:** jesus Christ on a disco stick

_Pidgelicious has changed their name into Pidgeotto._

**Lancelicious** : tiny and annoying like u bby

 **Pidgeotto:** ノಠ_ಠノ I will cut you

_Lancelicious has changed the chat name into ‘jk I love u’_

**Hunkalicious:**  :D

 **Keith:** what do you mean about nasa though. I’ve spoken to none of you about nasa

 **Pidgeotto:** you’ve spoken to me

 **Pidgeotto:** And I might have mentioned we’ve got plans to work for Nasa someday

 **Keith:** Pidge I don’t

 **Lancelicious:** ssh Keith

 **Hunkalicious:** I think it’s amazing! My mind’s never been able to wrap itself around all those numbers. I was horrible at maths and stuff growing up and I still am. That’s why I’m kinda tagging along

 **Lancelicious:** sssh Hunk you’re the coolest person I know

 **Lancelicious** : and I know 3049304394 people

 **Keith:** *snicker*

 **Lancelicious:** rude

 **Keith:** anyhow was there a point to adding me to this, I have class in like sixteen seconds unless the prof is late again

 **Pidgeotto:** he just wants to keep on texting Mister Tall Dark and Handsome

 **Lancelicious:** ????

 **Hunkalicious:** :O

 **Keith:** PIDGE

 **Hunkalicious:** Who’s Mister Tall Dark and Handsome

 **Pidgeotto:** ψ(｀∇´)ψ

 **Keith:** Pidge I stg

 **Lancelicious:** oh do tell

 **Pidgeotto:** it’s the number you gave during that party Lance

 **Pidgeotto:** apparently Keith texted it and it was a total stranger

 **Pidgeotto:** but this nerd texted it again and now they’ve been texting each other again

 **Pidgeotto:** apparently that total stranger is not a total stranger but Allura’s estranged bff

 **Pidgeotto:** Allura showed us a picture

 **Pidgeotto:** hot damn

 **Lancelicious:** ashfklsfdhklds

 **Hunkalicious:** that sounds dangerous, Keith. It could have been anyone.

 **Lancelicious:** ashkflssf you talked to allura

_Lancelicious has changed the chat name into ‘AAAAAAAAAAA’_

**Hunkalicious:** that’s what you’re focusing on?

 **Pidgeotto** : believe me this is BIG I’ve known Keith since we were like ten and literally never have I seen him make so many dumbass faces at his phone

 **Keith:** your face is dumbass

 **Pidgeotto:** how old are you

 **Lancelicious:** wait… is this the guy you drunktexted when I stole your phone a couple of days ago?? oh my god keith you

 **Lancelicious:** also I didn’t purposefully give you some hottie’s number it was a total accident. not my fault I was seeing stars (idk literal stars because Allura was at the party) and this guy’s number is like only two numbers different from mine

 **Keith:** three

 **Keith:** … three numbers

 **Lancelicious:** whatever dude

 **Keith:** and his name is Shiro, not some random person

 **Pidgeotto:** Apparently he has some skeletons in his closet dun dun duuun

 **Hunkalicious:** You certain it’s not some random weirdo? I mean, I expect to worry about Lance doing stupid things but…

 **Lancelicious:** HEY

 **Keith:** I’m sure. Also uh

 **Pidgeotto:** Keith

 **Keith:** I may have told him I’m … gay. It kinda slipped out.

 **Lancelicious:** whu

 **Hunkalicious:** I didn’t know! We didn’t know. How did he take it?

 **Keith:** better than most.

 **Pidgeotto:** I took it well

 **Keith:** you’ve also told me that who gives a fuck when it comes to people’s genitals and gender unless they’re total assholes so .. and we’ve known each other forever

 **Pidgeotto:** yeaaaaahhhh well

 **Hunkalicious:** Thanks for telling us Keith : ) Are you okay?

 **Lancelicious:** I’m sorry I talked so much about boobs when I was drunk

 **Keith:** it’s fine. just … don’t tell anyone else okay. I’m not exactly out or anything

 **Lancelicious:** I just got a question

 **Keith:** … what

 **Lancelicious:** was Allura as radiant in person and close-up as she is from far away???

_Keith has left the group chat_

Keith is actually in no hurry to get to class. The professor generally doesn’t give a damn who is actually present for his lectures, as long as people return their assignments in time. Keith is only hanging around the Engineering section of the school library for some peace and quiet and maybe a chance to see if Shiro’s replied. Which Shiro hasn’t. It’s fine. It’s completely fine.

Keith does have a couple of essays to work on and help Lance with his Physics-project and Hunk with English one; there’s also the matter of Allura crowding Keith at one point and asking him why the sudden interest in Shiro- when Keith tells her it’s none of her business, her blue eyes go a little sad. She tells him it used to be her business and it’s not exactly her fault that they grew apart.

She just worries. Has taught about Shiro a lot over the past months but he had apparently disconnected his previous phone number and vanished of the face of the earth.

She does know where he goes to school but refuses to tell Keith.

“That school is not the best place for someone as good as him. Let’s just say it’s a private mostly Government-funded academy.”

“What does that even mean,” Keith insists but Allura shifts. Looks away.

“I don’t know if he told you this already but he didn’t have the easiest life growing up and I- well. He thought that Academy was the way to go. To make himself something.” She bites her lip.

Keith wants to ask, the curiousity burns him but Shiro had so far been so respectful with Keith’s secrets and Keith’s life and it wouldn’t feel right to drag something important out of someone else. Just because Shiro hasn’t answered.

“I can deal with self-confidence issues,” Keith mutters.

Allura smiles at him. Keith can faintly see what Lance sees in her. “It took me forever to get a glimpse of what he feels inside, Keith. Just… don’t poke too much. The last time I saw him he was in a pretty bad place.” She hesitates again. “I’m just glad to hear that he’s reaching out to someone. He never did like my suggestion to go visit a therapist, insisting that he’ll get through it with his own power.” She sighs, drags a slender hand through her white strands. “So stubborn.”

Keith’s lips twitch into a smile he can’t quite manage to wipe out. “Maybe he’s just lonely. To talk to someone he’s never met face to face,” he mutters, stares at a spot at her shoulder. Then meets her inquisitive eyes.

“Shiro’s an old soul. No matter what he’s gone through, I don’t think that’s ever going to change,” Allura says then. Sticks her hands into her hoodie-pockets. Manages to look like the poster girl for America’s Next Top Model in a grey hoodie and blue jeans.

“Well then. We have something in common,” Keith shrugs. The messages he’d gotten from Shiro last night play in his head. “He hasn’t answered me the whole day now though.”

“His school has pretty long days,” Allura murmurs. “Oh hey, let’s change numbers. If you want to talk about Shiro more. Or school or anything. I could always use a friend other than my cheerleading sisters.”

“Only if you don’t mind me sharing that number with my friend Lance,” Keith says then, bites his tongue when Allura squints at him. Keith clears his throat. “It’s just that he has a massive crush on you. He’s a little obnoxious but he’s pretty sweet, honestly. You could meet up with my other friends too.” His cheeks feel oddly heated under her heavy stare.

“Mmmhm,” Allura says. She takes his phone. He takes hers. They tap their phone numbers and return the phones to each other.

“Remember to share your Instagram with Shiro, Keith,” Allura says then and now her eyes are practically twinkling.

Keith shifts once more. “Why?”

“You look like his type.”

She departs. Keith rubs his hot, hot cheeks and decides to head off campus after he’s done with his afternoon lectures. Maybe some time at the local gym- beautiful, beautiful discounts to students at all hours!- would do him good.

~

## August 16, 2016

_Sorry I’ve taken so long to answer. It was a long day and by the time I was done with everything I was too tired to pick up the phone. I did read your messages though. I’m glad you feel that way, Keith_. [06:05am]

 _I do want us to be friends. I’ve been in foster homes too before I started at my school- been living in the dorms ever since. It helps that I can stay here during summers too since I don’t exactly have a home to go back to._ [06:06am]

 _Whoa. What a depressing way to start a morning. Apologies._ [06:08am]

 _Hope to hear back from you, Keith!_  [06:08am]

 _and let me just… um. I think you are the first person ever to say that about my eyes. It brought a smile to my face. So thank you for that._ [06:15am]

 

 **I completely forgot that u could check out my Insta at @redpaladin** [09:35am]

 **not that I care if you see what I look like or anything** [09:36am]

 **also I’m glad you answered. I was getting kind of worried.** [09:40am]

 **I know you’re probably in some super important thing somewhere but … yeah. I meant what I said.** [09:40am]

 **Also I checked out Kerberos, even asked Allura just yesterday. I bumped into her at our local gym, that’s practically next door to the school and she said Kerberos has kinda upped up their prices so it’s a little out of my price range unfortunately… so the local gym will do.** [09:42am]

 _That’s too bad, Kerberos had good training facilities when I last visited._ [09:44am]

 **oh you’re present** [09:44am]

 _for the moment :)_  [09:44am]

 _And actually able to have wi-fi so I might check your Instagram_ instantly [09:45am]

 _heh. instantly._ [09:45am]

 **that’s such a dad joke** [09:46am]

 _I’ve been around men a lot older than me forever, can’t be helped that my sense of humour makes me sound like I’m fifty_ _L_ [09:48am]

 _not that I am_ [09:50am]

 _I’m still 22_ [09:51am]

 **I believe you** [09:52am]

 **Shiro?** [09:55am]

 **I do. Believe you. I feel like I can- if you’re still there and not whisked off to some strange class again** [09:59am]

 _sorry instructor came up and he’s stuck in the stone ages. Can’t use phones around him_ [10:05am]

 _I checked out your Insta and can I just_ [10:15am]

 _would you mind if I found you_ [10:17am]

 _um_ [10:17am]

 **um** [10:18am]

 _it’s just. You’re very. You’re very cute._ [10:19am]

 _Keith?_ [10:23am]

 _Was that too forward? I swear I’m not.. if it makes you uncomfortable you can just. Uh. Ignore that. It’s just that. I. Dammit._ [10:30am]

 **I may have dropped my phone and the library books I was carrying on my feet** [10:32am]

 **it’s fine, it’s really fine. I’m** [10:33am]

 **I’m kinda happy to hear you say that** [10:34am]

 _It’s just… an observation. And like. I don’t expect anything from you. I do just want to be friends. You do have a lot of gym selfies._ [10:35am]

 **oh god**   [10:35am]

 _I do get it, me and my school buddies use the gym a lot too.  It’s important to document the progress after all. Maybe I should get an Instagram-account too._ [10:36am]

 **would you post pictures of yourself though** [10:36am]

 **I mean.. you said you don’t like your picture taken** [10:36am]

 _generally I don’t. Especially of certain parts of my body. But maybe something would be fine. Too bad I don’t really have the time to keep updating anything. :/_ [10:37am]

 **asdasf** [10:37am]

 **dammit, my toes really hurt** [10:37am]

 _From the books? Are you okay?_ [10:38am]

 **Just gotta sit down I think. Thank god I don’t have a lot of school today. I could… keep talking to you? Unless you gotta go somewhere. But I like talking to you. It doesn’t really matter if you answer anytime soon I just. You feel trustworthy.** [10:40am]

 _:) :)_ [10:40am]

 _Thanks, Keith. I think I’ve already begun to trust you too. Now I really have to run but you can keep texting me if you want!_ [10:42am]

 **I will** [10:42am]

 **so the main engineering prof is a fucking lunatic and just assigned ANOTHER essay and I’m kinda ahfskdflks** [2:02pm

 **also Lance and Hunk started a foodfight and I got roped into it** [2:15pm]

 **apparently I am too a five-year-old** [2:15pm]

 **I’m studying so hard so I could work for NASA u know** [3:45pm]

 **One of my foster moms was a Nasa scientist** [3:47pm]

 **if the father hadn’t been a piece of shit I could have stayed there. I wanted to stay. I think she was the only one who managed to love me**. [3:47pm]

 **sorry that’s really goddamn whiny ew** [3:50pm]

 **I don’t know why I keep blabbering all this personal stuff to you** [4:00pm]

 **maybe it’s because of the thing I said. that you feel trustworthy. that you’re kinda my faraway friend.** [4:01pm]

 **also I… you told me not to because there’s nothing to find but I googled you** [4:02pm]

 **earlier today I mean** [4:02pm]

 **I did find some things. You’re really amazing, Shiro. It makes me wonder if we couldn’t have met earlier if I hadn’t gone to Garrison. I was aiming for the Air Force at first too and all** [4:10pm]

 **all those awards you won in high school** [4:11pm]

 **I meant what I said this yesterday morning** [4:11pm]

 **I don’t believe you can be a bad person when you’ve got eyes like that. You may have to do bad things but at heart I think you are ultimately good.** [4:15pm]

 **of course I’m curious what happened to make everything about you disappear after last year but I don’t want to poke you too much** [4:16pm]

 **that’s for you to tell** [4:17pm]

 **if you want. obviously. Just so you know… I’m here. I’m here for you**. [4:20pm]

~

# August 17, 2016

 

 _I’m going off the grid for a while, Keith. But I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate what you said in your messages. I really do. And I’m sorry to disappear on you so soon after we’ve gotten to know each other but this can’t be helped… Take care, Keith. Talk to you soon. :)_  [06:05am]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what even is a plot
> 
> how did an idea about Sheith-pwp turn into this monstrosity 
> 
> just wait for the moment when Shiro calls Keith baby


	5. in a flash, gone and in a flash, here again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Shiro no longer replies, Keith is fine with it. Really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith's bolded, Hunk is bolded and underlined. Pidge is underlined and italics. Shiro is italics. 
> 
> i'm super sorry if and when it's confusing, I do try to be as clear as possible to who is speaking to whom ;_;

# August 18, 2016

 **I wish you had at least told me how long you’re gonna be away. It’s been a day and I kinda… no that’s stupid** [08:36am]

 

 **Lance keeps bugging me and I really can’t tell him it’s actually making me feel better** [10:06am]

 **He’d never let it go** [10:10am]

**Hunk took me aside just now and no matter how much I tried to tell him nothing’s wrong he just stared and I caved in. Hunk’s scary, man** [2:41pm]

 **I do appreciate it.** [2:42pm]

 **is it stupid to care about you even though we’ve been talking for like a week?** [2:43pm]

 

****

**I almost forgot, I found this, this is the article I was talking about** [3:50pm]

 **you’re amazing Shiro** [3:55pm]

 **also… Samuel is Pidge’s dad** [3:56pm]

 **small world ain’t it** [3:56pm]

 **and I stand by what I said. You have the kindest eyes.** [3:57pm]

 

 **Lance just asked me if I wanted to invite you to our group** chat [10:00pm]

 **I think I’ll spare you** [10:00pm]

 

 **not that you’re here to participate.** [10:04pm]

 

 _Outgoing call to:_ **Shiro :3**

_“I’m sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now. If you wish, you can leave me a message and I’ll get back to you when I can!”_

“That startled me. Almost expected you to actually answer. And no, there’s no one around. I’m on the school’s roof. And no, I shouldn’t have come here. But I wanted- I don’t know what I wanted. You probably won’t even hear this until like months have gone by.” Keith shifts. His mouth is dry. “This- this is Keith, by the way.” The phone beeps. The call ends.

# August 19, 2016

 **Good morning, Shiro. Be careful, wherever you are.** [08:15am]

 

 **Good night, Shiro. I Googled Marmora Academy apparently. I figured you wouldn’t be there anymore but I was interested. Just… yeah. Good night.** [10:00pm]

# August 20, 2016

 **So he just told you he’s going off the grid and then… nothing? oh man** [2:54pm]

 **yep. it’s fine really** [2:54pm]

 **Keith** [2:55pm]

 **look it’s not like we talked for that long anyway right? and he seems to have a busy life and a strict school, maybe he just wants time off from his phone** [2:55pm]

 **I’m not his keeper** [2:57pm]

 **not saying you are** [2:58pm]

 **okay I won’t pester you about him again, you just seemed kinda** down [2:58pm]

 **or maybe it’s just my face, Hunk** [3:00pm]

 **congrats you killed Lance, he read everything over my shoulder and is currently rolling on the floor snickering** [3:03pm]

 **success :D** [3:03pm]

# August 21, 2016

 

 **I have a lot of essays to do and I’m dying and it stresses the shit out of me because they’re all from my toughest classes so far. at least the deadline is like two months away but I am nothing but a premature worrier** [04:05am]

 **I’m only awake because I keep having nightmares again** [04:06am]

 **do you have nightmares, Shiro?** [04:06am]

 **you can probably guess what mine are about.** [04:07am]

 

 **years of shitty foster parents.** [04:28am]

 **I have a scar over my ribs. One foster mother stabbed me.** [04:30am]

 **I still have trouble breathing sometimes.** [04:30am]

 

 **I left a message to your phone again. Your voice is soothing**. [04:42am]

 **I think I-** [04:43am]

 

~

# September 1st, 2016

_ _

_This_ _is what Keith has looked like for the past weeks: notice the sorrowful expression and uncombed hair and the same fucking shirt. Wherever you are Shiro you better come back asap because otherwise I’ll find a way to hack your phone and your laptop and do some bad things._ [02:30am]

 _okay maybe not. but honestly. This is when I said your name. He looked at me like I had stabbed him in the heart_. [02:30am]

 _you haven’t even met_ [02:32am]

 _you’ve talked for like a week_ [02:32am]

 _but here we are. for the record, he doesn’t know I sent you this and I’d prefer if you didn’t tell him._ [02:33am]

 _also we’ve gotten to know Allura pretty well these days. She wants to talk to you._ [02:35am]

 _for the record, September to October is a hard time for Keith so best be careful  if you decide to message him anytime soon. He’s not fragile but he’s also suffered enough._ [02:37am]

# September 3rd, 2016

 

 **I’m sorry I’ve left you so many messages every day. You’ll have fun reading them all. You’ve been away for longer than we’ve even known each other. Yet I feel like. I just.** [02:03am]

 **I can’t sleep again. That stabbing nightmare.** [02:15am]

 **Did it bother you to talk to me? Is this it?** [02:16am]

 **You could have just said nothing and left my drunk ass be**. [02:17am]

 **at least before I googled you or anything or before you called me cute** [02:17am]

 **oh well, I might drunk dial you tomorrow because we’re going to another party** [2:20am]

 **I hope you get to go to parties at some point. They can be pretty fun when you have the right company.** [2:22am]

 

 **I googled your name again. I’m sorry. You just seemed so nice. You seem so nice.** [3:03am]

# September 5 th, 2016

 

 **I’m sorry I’m so clingy. But I’m also sorry I haven’t texted in forever**. [11:40pm]

 **Good night, Shiro.** [11:45pm]

# September 6 th, 2016

 

Keith Is used to waking up at the oddest of times or going to sleep at the oddest of times but he’s never been particularly fond of early mornings. So when his phone starts buzzing under his pillow and playing the endless ominous Imperial March, he blinks bleary-eyed into the dark room and fumbles with sleep-shaky hands for his phone. He presses the green phone-button without even looking who’s calling. It was his general ringtone anyway.

“I’ll fucking end you,” he grunts, sits up.  He doesn’t have to look at the clock to know it’s early. He blinks and can faintly see Pidge strewn over her blanket like a starfish, her soft snores filling the room.

 _“Keith,”_ whispers the voice from the other end of the line and Keith inhales. Exhales.

“Whu?”

_“Ah, why didn’t I think- Keith, it’s me. It’s Shiro.”_

Keith stills. He inhales and exhales once more, all of his emotions from the past few weeks coming back with a raging force. Shiro’s voice is as expected: smooth, faintly amused but better like this  than just a pre-recorded message on the answering machine. So much better.

“Shi- Shiro?” Keith’s voice is stuck halfway in his throat, struggling hard to come out. Shiro’s name is like honey on his tongue.

 _“I’m sorry,”_ is the first thing Shiro says then and Keith can almost imagine the face going with that voice. Would Shiro be the type to bite his lip when he’s hesitant? Would he fidget?

“Shiro,” Keith tries again but Shiro hums, his voice wrapping itself around Keith’s tired, aching mind. Keith closes his eyes.

 _“Keith, I got all your messages,”_ Shiro murmurs. Keith is glad for the dark, glad that it’s just a phone call because heat surges up his body instantly. He just knows his ears are burning pink. He still fidgets, makes an affirmative noise.

Shiro’s voice cracks. Just a bit. Keith listens a bit more intently and only now notices how rough Shiro is breathing.

“Are you-“

 _“Don’t,”_ Shiro says, interrupting Keith. Keith snaps his mouth shut. _“Sorry,”_ Shiro murmurs again. _“I know it’s late. But like this… it’s the only time I have access to a phone. We’re in different time zones right now, I think. You’re In Garrison so you’re ahead of me a little.”_

Keith takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry I texted you so much.”

 _“Don’t be,”_ Shiro says and this time he laughs, his voice so low, so soothing to Keith’s tired ears that he lays back down again.

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to be my friend,” Keith says and burrows himself under his blankets. He keeps his own voice low even if Pidge would sleep through an earthquake.

 _“You’re not.”_ There’s rustling from Shiro’s side of the phone and then again, his rough breathing, his voice husky from sleep. He sounds so exhausted. _“I like talking to you, Keith. I like reading your messages.”_

 _Is it ridiculous to already think you’re a part of my life?_ Instead Keith says: “Good.” He wants to ask if Shiro’s okay again. He doesn’t.

 _“I’m sorry I woke you,”_ Shiro mutters. _“I just… I didn’t think of the time difference. It’s a thing for school. Kind of like a camp. The rules are very strict.”_

“Are you sleeping?” Keith wets his lips. Keeps his eyes closed. Let’s himself sense nothing but Shiro’s voice.

Shiro is silent for a moment. _“No.”_ He is silent again _. “Nightmares. Much like you.”_

“I’m sorry,” Keith says. “We’ve said nothing but apologies.”

 _“We’re apologizing for a lot of things that aren’t our fault,”_ Shiro murmurs his agreement. _“Like you, a rough life brings with itself bad memories. The human brain has the tendency to store such things pretty high up.”_

“Mmhm”, says Keith. Sleeping sounds so good. Shiro sounds so good.

Shiro chuckles. _“I’m sorry I woke you, Keith. Text me again if you want. The phone call surprised me but I swear, in a good way. You have a nice voice.”_

“Mmhm,” says Keith again. His cheeks feel hot. “When I think of you, I can fall asleep.” His voice is barely audible, but Shiro seems to hear because he goes silent for a moment.

 _“I have never been anyone’s reason to sleep well,”_ Shiro says. _“I have never been anyone’s reason for anything.”_ He sighs. His voice trembles. Just a bit. _“One day you will hear all of my secrets, Keith.”_

“I want to,” Keith murmurs into his pillow.

 _“Oh, Keith,”_ Shiro says and that’s the last thing Keith hears before sleep overtakes him completely.

 

Pidge wakes him up by yanking his blanket off and tickling his feet. She raises her eyebrows when he sees the phone mushed against Keith’s face and his pillow.

Keith blinks. Tired. Memories return and then he makes a sound that’s unheard of from Keith Kogane, self-proclaimed badass and lone wolf of Everywhere He Goes.

Pidge squints.

Keith avoids her gaze, holds his phone to his chest like the most sacred object in the world.

“He’s okay,” Keith says then. Meets her gaze. Pidge blinks, her glasses slightly askew.

“He- oh. Oh!”

Keith finds it in himself to smile.

 


	6. revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro reveals few of his secrets. Keith deals. Gets angry. Maybe there is some light in the distance after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you have prob figured out by now that this fic is nothing but a love letter to Takashi fucking Shirogane  
> should prob rename this to "Let's Make Shiro Happy"
> 
> Shiro's italics, Keith's bolded etc etc
> 
> TW for this chapter is refences to violence and to minor character death.

# September 7th, 2016

_I don’t mind if you drunk text me or drunk dial me again. I’m going to tell you to go to bed though._ [2:04am]

 _I’m back at my school. I’m very tired. But I wanted to let you know that you can text me as much as you want. I will answer this time._ [2:05am]

 _I’m sorry I made you feel sad_. [2:07am]

 _I do that a lot_. [2:18am]

 _I hope you don’t wake up to these texts_. [2:29am]

 _I looked at your Instagram again. I like the picture you’ve taken at the gym, with your hair in a ponytail. Maybe one day we’ll… maybe one day you and I will visit the same gym._ [2:30am]

 

 **I was thinking of cutting my hair. Lance makes fun of it but then again, he’s an actual five-year old. LANCE STOP READING MY TEXTS OVER MY SHOULDER** [2:02pm]

 **I like to go alone to the gym** [2:03pm]

 **but if it was you maybe I wouldn’t mind company** [2:08pm]

**it’s a little … shorter now but my hair tends to grow back super fast** [2:10pm]

 _still looks good :)_  [2:15pm]

 **O shit I didn’t expect you to actually answer at this hour** [2:20pm]

 _I’m kinda confined to bed at the moment_ [2:22pm]

 _don’t ask_ [2:22pm]

 **Shiro…** [2:24pm]

 _I just. I just don’t want you to._ [2:24pm]

 _I – shit. I’ve been thinking ever since I had to go and I just. I. I wanna tell you. All of it. Everything. You deserve to know._ [2:26pm]

 **What’s wrong?** [2:26pm]

 **You okay?** [2:27pm]

 _Keith I_ [2:28pm]

 _I’m not a good person_ [2:28pm]

 _I just feel like_ [2:30pm]

 **Shiro?** [2:31pm]

 _Galra Academy_ [2:36pm]

 **um** [2:36pm]

 _you know it?_ [2:38pm]

 **isn’t that like some super private military school or something? I think it’s in cali…** **wait** [2:42pm]

 _it disguises itself as a military school to train future marines and officers and the air force but it’s also_ [2:45pm]

 _I’ve been_ [2:49pm]

 _it trains soldiers_ [2:50pm]

 _the youngest of us is fifteen and he can already resist interrogation better than most_ [2:56pm]

 _I’m only here because I killed someone, Keith_ [2:59pm]

 _I didn’t mean to_ [3:01pm]

 _he was the only friend I’ve ever had at least before Allura and we were sparring because he wanted to be a marine and I just wanted to fly and we were fighting with sticks, sticks! like actual kids because we were drunk as hell, I haven't drank a drop since and I_ [3:03pm]

 **shiro** [3:03pm]

 _slashed his throat open_ [3:05pm]

 **shiro it’s** [3:06pm]

 _I don’t dare to say what this school does to people_ [3:08pm]

 _I shouldn’t have said any of this_ [3:10pm]

 _I’m sorry_ [3:12pm]

 **Shiro I’m** [3:13pm]

 **are you okay?** [3:15pm]

 _you read what that article said about me? promising future, can expect great things. I bet they didn’t expect me to kill someone or voluntarily sign myself off to this_ [3:17pm]

 _it was this or prison it’s not like I was at that age to get away with a juvenile detention_ [3:20pm]

 _that friend’s parents spat on me_ [3:22pm]

 _I’ve never_ [3:22pm]

 _I didn’t tell Allura_ [3:25pm]

 _I didn’t want her to look at me with disgust_ [3:28pm]

 _I thought I would_ [3:33pm]

 _fuck_ [3:34pm]

 _are you still there, Keith?_ [3:40pm]

 _I thought I could say this because I haven’t seen or talked to you face to face and we haven’t been friends for years_ [3:45pm]

 _but now I think it’s_ [3:50pm]

 _this is selfish of me_ [3:51pm]

 _I’m sorry I told you this_ [3:55pm]

 _I should have never texted you again that morning. I should have never looked at your Instagram or seen what you look like or heard what you sound like_ [4:05pm]

 **Shiro** [4:06pm]

 **sorry I had to go up to the roof to get away from the others. can I call you?** [4:06pm]

 _I’m alone right now. the others are in their classes for the next three hours._ [4:07pm]

 

_Out-going call: **Shiro :3**_

“Hello?” Keith’s hands shake. He doubts it’s just the wind.

_“Keith.”_

“Your breathing sounds ragged. Are you okay?”

 _“No. Three of my ribs are broken. My- arm is broken.”_ Shiro laughs. Keith doesn’t. He closes his eyes and listens to that ragged breathing, to that tired, tired voice.

“I figured. Can I, um. Is this because of your school? That you’re hurt?”

 _“Yes.”_ Shiro sighs. Something rustles.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? About where you go to school? You know I don’t judge you for it.”

 _“You should.”_ Shiro rustles something again. His voice is a little more muffled. _“When you told me that one of your foster parents had stabbed you, I knew I should just forget about our friendship. There is such… there is something huge and heavy inside of me, Keith. My hands no longer shake when we wield our weapons in the field.”_

Keith inhales. His throat burns. “Field?”

 _“Not all training happens inside four walls_.” Shiro shifts again. His breathing hitches, his soft, small wince makes Keith hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Keith finds himself murmuring. “How is this legal? How is any of this legal?”

 _“Money, Keith,”_ Shiro murmurs. He sounds defeated. Keith wants to reach through the phone line to touch him.

“Shit’s fucked up,” Keith huffs. He’s glad to hear Shiro’s soft, brief chuckle.

“Why did you tell me all of this? Why now? Why not earlier?”

_“I… I don’t have a good answer to that. Maybe for a moment I just wanted to think I could have a friend who doesn’t know about my life. Who thinks I’m just some guy. Kind of stupid, now that I think of it.”_

“Does Allura know something? You said she doesn’t know about the friend who died.”

_“Yes. She knows… well, she knows about my parents. Nothing extraordinary there, just a lot of misfortune. They both died when I was four. She knows about my past achievements. She knows what I looked like when I finally pieced myself together after Thace’s death and managed to reach the outside world after my first months at Galra.”_

“And what is it that you look like?” Keith’s mouth tastes like ash.

 _“There was… an incident with the hazing,”_ Shiro whispers. _“The upperclassmen were allowed to do whatever they wished and they really took that to heart. I might be tall myself and wide-shouldered but my size didn’t help me against three men stronger and bigger than me.”_

“Shiro,” Keith lets out and it sounds horrifyingly like a whimper.

Shiro chuckles. _“My mind is numb to that memory, Keith. It no longer…”_ he takes a deep breath. _“In the end, they had to amputate my right arm almost in its entirety. At least I got a kickass prosthetic a couple of months later. Almost got me kicked out of the Academy though.”_

Keith inhales. “Got you kicked out of the Academy? When you’ve done nothing wrong?!”

 _“The Galra have no use for anyone useless,”_ Shiro murmurs and the cold of his voice stings Keith straight to the bone. Even when warmth and life slowly trickle back, Keith still shivers.

“What the fuck,” Keith manages. Shiro sighs.

_“I’ve done everything they have asked of me ever since. I have nowhere else to go.”_

“What the fuck,” Keith repeats. His eyes sting. His throat burns harder. “R-relatives? Don’t you have relatives? Have you gone to the cops?”

_“Oh, Keith. If I had any living relatives that I know of, I would have gone to them years ago. And cops don’t dare to trespass since the Academy is under the direct control of the high command of our nation’s army.”_

“Fuck. Fuck.”

_“Mmhm.”_

Keith’s eyes are wet. He rubs them furiously, can’t quite understand the burn spreading from his throat to his body. He sniffles, a pathetic, whiny little sound but it draws Shiro’s attention.

_“Are you- Keith, please don’t. Not for me.”_

Keith takes a deep breath, takes another. “What the hell,” is all he manages. Shiro whispers his name again, soft, sad, tired. How can someone with such kind eyes, with such a kind voice think of himself a monster?

 _“Keith,”_ Shiro whispers again. _“It’s fine. I deserve this.”_

“No, you don’t. You don’t. What the fuck, Shiro.”

Shiro tries an apology again, murmurs Keith’s name in that honey-voice that makes Keith’s traitorous little heart flutter with hope. Keith bites his tongue.

“What can I do? Do you get vacations? Can I help you with anything?”

 _“Keith,”_ Shiro breathes out.

“I’ll kick your ass if you say you don’t deserve help,” Keith says. “Do you graduate? When do you graduate? Or is it straight to some random war this fucking country seems to be fighting constantly?”

 _“If they deem you sound of mind and body then off it is to lands unknown,”_ Shiro murmurs .

“Do you want to be a soldier? What happened to your dreams of flying? What would your friend want?”

Shiro huffs. _“My friend wants nothing anymore. He’s been dead for, oh god, close to three years now. I haven’t talked to his family.”_ Keith hears his voice crack and it’s the saddest sound he has heard in a long time. More questions linger, begging to be asked but he refrains. Hears the exhaustion in Shiro’s voice.

“I’m sorry,” is all Keith says.

“ _It’s not your fault,”_ Shiro says in return. _“Do you still want to talk to me?”_

“Yes,” Keith breathes out, insistent.

Shiro is silent for a moment, then his voice returns. Lower, more melancholic _. “I thought I could do this on my own. All of this and be out of this atmosphere with my body and mind intact. Now I think I just might crumble without a helping hand. So it... it makes me happy to hear you say that.”_

“I’d kick those guys’ asses that hazed you if I could,” Keith murmurs and it’s not enough to drive away the utter sadness echoing from Shiro’s voice. Shiro still chuckles.

_“I’ve had a long time to get used to having only one arm, Keith. And everything else that they did… well. Time is a surprisingly good cure for many things.”_

“Can I do anything for you, Shiro?” Keith rubs his burning eyes.

_“Just keep in touch with me, Keith. And maybe… if you could… maybe text me Allura’s number? I don’t know if she wants to hear from me but I want to reach out.”_

“If I don’t hear from you for days again, I will come personally to California to get you out,” Keith says. Bites his tongue hard.

 _“Oh, Keith,”_ Shiro says and his voice is the warmth of midsummer.

 

 **You’re not alone. Even when you feel like it, even when it seems like it. You’re not alone**. [10:24pm]

_it means a lot to me that you care._ [00:35am]

# September 8 th, 2016

 

[11:15am]

_PaladinKeith was added to the group chat “A Keith Without Space Is Like NASA without aliens”_

_Allurelure was added to the group chat “A Keith Without Space Is Like NASA without aliens”_

**PaladinKeith:** what the fuck Lance

 **SirLancelot:** :D you dig it I know u dooooo ALSO HEY ALLURA HEY HEY HEY HEY (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **Allurelure:** well

 **Pidgeyland:** if you regret joining us already then you are free to leave

 **WhatAHunk:** not that we’re all as obnoxious as Lance

 **SirLancelot:** I’m fantastic. Silence, you heathen.

 **WhatAHunk:** he watched another King Arthur-adaptation and is again inspired.

 **SirLancelot:** what a dude

_PaladinKeith has changed the group chat name into “Let’s All Give Keith Some Space”_

**SirLancelot:** aww (◕︿◕✿)

 **Allurelure:** I do have school things to do….

 **Pidgeyland:** it’s like evening no you don’t

 **Allurelure** : :D bossy.

 **PaladinKeith** : if this is another intervention, I stg I’m leaving right now

 **WhatAHunk** : it’s not ;_;

 **Pidgeyland:** I may have told them that you keep sneaking off in the middle of the night to call Mister Tall Dark And Handsome. And the last time you came back you looked like you had been crying

 **PaladinKeith:** ashfkalfs

 **PaladinKeith:** DON’T EAVESDROP

 **Pidgeyland:** you’re noisy as fuck

 **PaladinKeith:** you’re NOSY as fuck

 **SirLancelot:** aww, friendship

 **WhatAHunk:** Shiro again?

 **Allurelure:** … do you two call often?

 **PaladinKeith:** he said he’d text you this morning. Did he not?

 **Allurelure:** he did. I was surprised. Pleasantly so. But he doesn’t seem too keen on phoning me. Hmmmm.

 **PaladinKeith:** what hmm

 **Pidgeyland:** (╭ರ_⊙)

 **PaladinKeith:** he’s told me … some of what he’s been through and I just I really wanna help him

 **SirLancelot:** aww, friendship?

 **WhatAHunk:** you seem to like him a lot, Keith

 **PaladinKeith:** something wrong with that?

 **WhatAHunk:** of course not

 **SirLancelot** : wait do Allura and Keith’s mystery man Shiro know each other

 **Allurelure:** get with the program, mister Sanchez. Shiro’s my old friend who I’ve recently reconnected with

 **SirLancelot:** THANKS TO MY INTERVENTION OBVS

 **PaladinKeith:** no you were just dumb and drunk

 **SirLancelot** : mmm bossy Allura

 **Allurelure:** jesus Christ

 **SirLancelot:** I’m sorry it just came out much like a certain someone

 **PaladinKeith:** why am I friends with you

 **SirLancelot:** because I make a mean tequila sunrise? because I give the best shoulder massages? Because I actually think it’s cute as fuck that you have a crush?

 **PaladinKeith:** I don’t

 **Pidgeyland:** I’ve heard you talk to Shiro on the phone enough

 **PaladinKeith:** he’s just

 **Allurelure:** I get it, Keith. :)

 **WhatAHunk:** judging from the pictures in Allura’s Instagram, Shiro’s kind of a … hunk.  (⌐■_■)

 **SirLancelot:** omg highfive Hunk

 **WhatAHunk:** cackle

 **Allurelure** : I don’t – oooooh right I do. I don’t really bother to go through my Insta these days so I forget to delete old photos. Oh. Damn. Check it out, Keith. ;)

 **PaladinKeith:** welp

 **WhatAHunk** : oh damn he is kind of a hunk

 **SirLancelot:** wow

 **Pidgeyland:** are these pics from a LARP or something?

**Allurelure:** oh YES Shiro and I used to go to this scifi-themed larp from time to time. He got really into it. Goodness, how could I have forgotten that I have these pictures here…

 **PaladinKeith:** you don’t have any recent ones. fairly recent ones that is.

 **Allurelure:** no. He probably told you this but he didn’t want his picture taken the last time I saw him. He looks a little different now.

 **WhatAHunk** : in what way?

 **SirLancelot:** did he break his nose? get surgery? get into an accident?

 **PaladinKeith:** wtf Lance

 **Allurelure:** it’s not my place to tell. Just know that he is very self-conscious of how he looks now. He has… well. There are a lot of scars.

 **SirLancelot:** oh

 **Allurelure:** maybe Keith should invite him into one of these group chats when Shiro is free. :) You could ask Shiro yourselves.

 **PaladinKeith** : I already told him he’s better off with just me

 **SirLancelot:** u know I take a lot of offence to that

 **WhatAHunk:**  :(

 **Pidgeyland:** lol Keith

 **PaladinKeith:** nah I might. If he feels up to it. He’s… not exactly well right now. Anyhoooow gtg

 

 **Allura’s Instagram has old pictures of you. I’ve never RPed. it looks fun.** [03:45pm]

**I got myself new gym/running shoes yesterday. I took them out for a spin today**. [03:50pm]

 **the nail polish is all Allura, man. I’ve n ever seen the point but she said she wanted something to do with her hands.** [3:52pm]

 **I guess I was the one closest to her.** [3:53pm]

 **It looks kinda nice though.** [3:55pm]

 **don’t judge me for that Starbucks. It just. Lance bought it for me. I think he’s unsubtly trying to cheer me up.** [3:57pm]

 

 _do you need cheering up?_ [5:05pm]

 _Don’t think about what we talked about too much, please. I don’t want to ruin your day or your week or your life._ [5:06pm]

 _Nail polish fits you. You have pretty hands. Also I… actually haven’t had Starbucks for years. We had to cut out all unnecessary sugar and caffeine from our foods long ago_ [5:07pm]

 **You’re not ruining anything, Shiro**. [5:10pm]

 **I can’t help thinking about it. You deserve better.** [5:12pm]

 _I don’t deserve you._ [5:15pm]

 **Do you** [5:15pm]

 **should we compare lists on Bad Shit We’ve Done? To Assure you deserve the same as every  other person: what’s good for them? I mean… I don’t .. I mean it’s not like I’m good for you or anything but you seem lonely and I just want to be someone you can always talk to no matter what you do** [5:20pm]

 _Keith I didn’t mean that your suffering is less than mine_ [5:22pm]

 **I didn’t think you meant that** [5:24pm]

 **just let me decide for myself if I want to talk to you or not okay?** [5:26pm]

 _Okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take away your agency._ [5:28pm]

 **Apology accepted.** [5:30pm]

 **I’ll take you to Starbucks when we see each other. One drink won’t kill your stomach. … do you honestly never drink coffee?** [5:32pm]

 _nope. Sorry._ [5:36pm]

 **can we agree on something. let’s not apologize for things that we can’t do anything about. like you not preferring coffee.** [5:37pm]

 _okay. :)_  [5:40pm]

 **good**. [5:44pm]

 **Should I keep texting about something specific? Or just random things? There are a lot of things happening on campus right now** [5:45pm]

 _tell me. like I said, I’m bedridden currently._ [5:47pm]

 _Don’t worry. The hand that was broken was my prosthetic. It just needs some tuning. And fixing._ [5:50pm]

 **okay. Show me a picture sometimes. Nowadays prosthetic limbs are straight from like, Deus Ex and Iron Man** [5:53pm]

 **anyway!!! there are festivals coming and more parties and I swear I’ll make it my mission to drunk text you unless some of your strict generals or something read over your shoulder** [5:56pm]

 _rambling, Keith. ;)_ [5:57pm]

 **sor- fuck** [5:58pm]

 _I like that about you._ [6:00pm]

 **you’re distracting me** [6:02pm]

 _sorry._ [6:04pm]

 **it’s okay.** [6:06pm]

 **Lance is trying to court Allura. His ex-bf was honestly kind of an ass. I don’t think Allura’s into him though. Our other friend is talking about how his parents are going to host some casual dinner party soon because apparently they like cooking as much as him and we’re all invited. Pidge has a new project. Our dorm room is filled with all sorts of weird electronic gadgets.** [6:13pm]

 _And you, Keith?_ [6:15pm]

 **And I’m texting you. I’m sitting on my bed, Pidge is off god knows where and I should read this book for tomorrow’s Physics but I don’t feel like it. My hair’s … it’s open .Sometimes it used to annoy me and my foster parents. Me only because it got in the way but I never cut it to spite my foster parents. They thought I either looked like a girl or a f*g** [6:17pm]

 _Anyone who thinks long hair tells anything of a person’s gender belongs in the Stone Ages._ [6:20pm]

 **Tell me about it. I have three piercings on my right ear. Pidge made them all. We were like fourteen when she gave me the first one and I cried for like an hour. Her only way of comforting me was a cup of tea. Then again from Pidge that’s like a love confession.** [6:22pm]

 _Tea is, after all, a hug in a cup_. [6:25pm]

 **Somehow that makes me sad to hear it coming from you.** [6:27pm]

 _I’m okay, Keith. Really._ [6:30pm]

 **I’ll try to believe you. Can I call you today?** [6:32pm]

 _Maybe not today._ [6:35pm]

 **Okay.** [6:37pm]

 _For the record, it’s not you. It’s me. It’s honestly just me. I do want to hear your voice_. [6:40pm]

 **I-I’m- okay. Okay.** [6:43pm]

 **You’ll tell me if you want me to call you, right?** [6:45pm]

 _Yes.  :)_ [6:47pm]

 **:)** [6:50pm]

 **for the record… I’m not okay with you being in such a toxic environment. I know I can’t do shit about it but doesn’t mean I feel good leaving you there.** [6:55pm]

 _I can’t quit in the middle. Otherwise it’s jail time. And I… already feel guilty enough._ [6:56pm]

 **still.** [6:57pm]

 _you are very stubborn, Keith._ [7:00pm]

 **So I’ve been told. Deal with it.** [7:02pm]

 **hmph.** [7:04pm]

 _:D I will_. [7:06pm]

 **Even if that’s just a smiley face, I can imagine you’re really smiling, right?** [07:07pm]

 _I am. :)_ [07:08pm]

 **asasfasf** [07:10pm]

# September 9 th, 2016

 

 **Pidge I’m fucked I think I like Shiro** [01:03pm]

 **hell of a fucking lot** [01:03pm]

 **fucking answer I know you’re in your stupid robotics class but asif sfkhl sorry it’s not stupid** [01:05pm]

 **I think I like him. What the fuck do I do** [01:07pm] 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions, comments, requests etc? hit me up @ soundlessrooms @ tumblr


	7. talk and talk and talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys talk a little more. Keith doesn't understand that reference. And utterly fails at trying to tell Shiro his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro's italics, Lance's normal text, Keith's bolded, Pidge is italics and underlined ya know

# September 10th, 2016

 

 _Your friend Pidge left me a message during my absence by the way. She was worried for you. Also she told me that September and October are hard times for you… I’m sorry if I’ve made anything worse for you._ [06:15am]

 

 **Pidge shouldn’t worry that much, I’m not about to crumble because of some bad memories** [08:30am]

 **it was September when I got stabbed and thrown out of that foster home** [08:35am]

 **it was October when… other things happened. It’s past now, Shiro. Don’t worry. You’ve done nothing wrong.** [08:39am]

 _Okay, Keith. If you say so_. [08:40am]

 **You’re allowed to ask me these kinds of things. I want to share them with you.** [08:42am]

 _Just because I shared my secrets doesn’t mean you owe me anything._ [08:45am]

 **I KNOW dammit. I just… it doesn’t feel right that you’ve ripped yourself open for me and I’ve shared nothing of the same caliber and just** [08:47am]

 _it’s not a competition of who has suffered more, Keith. My pain doesn’t invalidate yours._ [08:50am]

 **I know, you threw my own words back at me although I said it way more crudely. Let’s not compare what we have gone through, if it hurts you, it hurts you** [08:50am]

 **sorry** [08:52am]

 **still I’m sorry** [08:55am]

 _You are forgiven, Keith. Do we agree on this now? That it’s not a competition? Like you said, if it hurts, it hurts._ [08:59am]

 **yes** [09:01am]

 _Good. :)_ [09:03am]

 _Tell me something that you’re doing today. I only have a few exercises to do to get myself moving again and those are the kind of monotonous that kill my braincells, so… I wouldn’t mind another picture : )_ [09:06am]

 **You must have some pretty neat muscles** [09:09am]

 _neat’s one word to describe :D but yes. 90% of my time is spent in some form of physical activity after all._ [09:11am]

 **mmmm** [09:11am]

 **asfasfasf** [09:11am]

 **I didn’t meant ot stpsdgsf I didn’t mean tt o  press send** [09:12am]

 **ashfklsdg oh god wh y my fingers do this** [09:12am]

 _oh Keith you are really cute_ [09:13am]

 _I meant to press send. ;)_ [09:13am]

 **Shiro please** [09:13am]

 **ANYWAY let me have a tiny meltdown** [09:14am]

 ***has a tiny meltdown* I’m okay now** [09:14am]

:) [09:14am]

 **[okay I’ll send you a picture of my nails of today. yes, Allura insisted on doing them again. She has very steady hands. My left one’s coordination is kinda busted so I doubt I’d get my nails look so neat without her help** [09:15am]

_Beautiful. :)_  [09:18am]

 **I have to admit something, Shiro** [09:18am]

 **LANCE STOP READING MY TEXTS OVERM Y SHOULDER asfkhlfdsklhs** hey this is Lance, we all got a look of you Mister Mysterious from Allura’s insta and I just gotta say that if you grow tired of Grumpy Keith here I’m always availablskfdl [09:22am]

grumpy kitty keith aww come smooch your buddy Lance or is there SOMEONE ELSE you wanna smooch [09:24am]

 **fuck** [09:29am]

 _You guys… okay?_ [09:30am]

 **it’s um yes it’s me again, it’s Keith. I shoved Lance’s face and hands away** [09:32am]

 _he seems like a fun guy._ [09:33am]

 **yes haha very fun just has a bad habit of stealing other people’s phones** [09:33am]

 **I’m sorry, now all of my friends know who you are and how I ended up talking to you** [09:34am]

 **they like to well, gently make fun of me for being a loner** [09:34am]

 **I just. I’ve had to take care of myself for so long that I’m still surprised I have friends** [09:34am]

 _oh Keith stop putting yourself down. We may have not known each other for years or many months even but I already can tell you are a loyal, caring, empathetic person. Not all people thrive on a lot of company or constantly need to be around others. There is nothing wrong with being a loner._ [09:36am]

 **Shiro** [09:36am]

 _I’ve had long, long moments in my life when I have been alone too._ [09:37am]

 _I don’t think I am anymore. Thanks to you_. [09:37am]

 **Shiro…** [09:37am]

 _Keith? You still there?_ [09:40am]

 _I’ve thought about you a lot._ [09:40am]

 _I don’t mean for this to sound like I’m coming onto you but… I don’t know. I don’t really. Talk to people. I don’t have school friends, just other people who go to classes. Even though you only reached me by accident, it was a happy one, I think._ [09:41am]

 _Keith?_ [09:41am]

I think you broke him [09:42am]

 _Is this Lance again?_ [09:42am]

HOW DID YOU KNOW  ಠ▃ಠ [09:42am]

 _Apparently you keep stealing Keith’s phone. And apparently you use an alarming amount of emojis._ [09:42am]

 _What’s up with Keith?_ [09:43am]

oh dude my dude my hunky dude (￣ω￣)  ok first of all I only scrolled up a bit to know why Keith’s making noises like a dying whale, just a bit because I’m not that into reading other people’s private convos. im kind of a dick but not that much of a dick and like, I have 304939403490 siblings, I know what it’s like to not have privacy but ANYWAYヾ(*′○`)ﾟ.+:｡ﾟ☆ you broke keith and it’s because you’re ah unky dude who just basically flirted with him and now keith is blushing YES YOU ARE DON’T DENY IT YOUR FACE IS RED AS FUCK [09:44am]

 _oh_ [09:44am]

he’s trying to wrestle his phone back nu-UH HEL PME HUNK not you-hunk, Tall Dark and Intoxicating, but my buddy bro Hunk [09:44am]

 _I must admit I’m kind of lost_ [09:45am]

 _please tell Keith I’d be delighted to see what he looks like when he blushes._ [09:45am]

if that was a pick-up line by proxy it was awful my dude [09:45am]

 _my apologies_ [09:46am]

 _I don’t, um… My situation is kind of what it is. I’m a little too far away from all of you guys anyway to be of any use but I’ve truly enjoyed talking to Keith. So I guess I have you to thank for accidentally handing him my number._ [09:47am]

The fact that you’re still here instead of across the ocean says a lot. Keith’s a very clingy drunk and I’ve known for like a week longer than you lol [09:47am]

btw Keith is very cute when he blushes. It goes all the way to his ears. [09:47am]

 _hmmm_  [09:48am]

 _Please give the phone back to him, Lance. I think I will want to continue talking to him. Unless you guys have lectures coming up?_ [09:48am]

Actually me and Hunk are supposed to be heading off to Home Ec in like five, Pidge’s holed up in her com lab and will be holed up until like the weekend and Keith needs to get his ass up from the floor if he wants to make it into his next lecture in time sooooo (⌐▨_▨) talk to u later tall dark and mysterious, we’re prob gonna add u to our group chat, no pressure to say anything tho but we’re all curious about u!!! esp because u are hot and help Keith make the most interesting embarrassed noises honestly u should hear them [09:50am]

 _:D So I guess it is talk to you later, then?_ [09:51am]

TTYL!!! |(￣3￣)| [09:51am]

 **GDO Fdammit Lance** [09:51am]

 **and no w I’m late for my lecture jfc** [09:51am]

 _Does a compliment bother you, Keith?_ [09:52]

 **no it’s not that it’s just that it’s** [09:52am]

 **dammit fuck yes** [09:55am]

 **the prof’s giving me a serious stink-eye but whatever man I’m the only one in this class who actually returns shit in time** [09:59am]

 _oh, Keith._ [10:00am]

 **I scrolled up and now I kind of want to chew Lance’s head off. Or my own head off** [10:00am]

 **he exaggerated, I wasn’t rolling on the floor** [10:01am]

 **but I kinda. It’s just. I don’t understand compliments, I just, when I get them I don’t know how to react or what to do and now I wonder what any praise would sound like coming from you, if we were face to face or just talking on the phone and my mind went … somewhere. thus, the blushing. it was just a tiny blush. nothing serious. I swear.** [10:01am]

 _rambling again, Keith. ;)_ [10:02am]

 _oh! you were about to tell me something earlier?_ [10:02am]

 **AH that yes it was nothing, really it was nothing** [10:03am]

 **I gotta focus on the class, it’s pretty important to my potential future career and all** [10:03am]

 _Sorry, I’ll stop distracting you. :) have a fun class!_ [10:03am]

 

 _I meant everything I said. I am happy to have gotten those drunken texts from you. I am happy that I texted you back to see if you were okay. I don’t even have to see you face to face to feel like I understand you, at least on some level. Your friends are lucky to have you._ [10:30am]

 _Then again, I guess I am one of those as well. So I’m lucky to have you as well._  [10:30am]

 

~

 

 _For the record, I’m the last person you should ask relationship-advice from you dumbass_ [03:04pm]

 _and this really couldn’t wait until the weekend?_ [03:05pm]

 _just fucking with you Keith_ [03:05pm]

 _like I already said earlier_ [03:05pm]

 _when you like someone, you go and tell them. simple._ [03:06pm]

 **Shiro’s not just anyone. And I’m not sure if it’s … like that. I just. I just think about him a lot. I worry about him.** [03:06pm]

 _Heart thudding? Hands trembling? Hands clammy? Your mouth dry?_ [03:06pm]

 **well… yeah. he said some things earlier today and I kinda. reacted. and he sent another winky face.** [03:06pm]

 _ohh boi a winky face, ding ding we have a winner_ [03:06pm]

 **pidge** [03:07pm]

 _so he’s flirting with you?_ [03:07pm]

 **I have no fucking idea what consists as flirting to be honest so um… but he seems to like me. at least somewhat. he says he’s glad to have gotten those awful drunk texts from me.** [03:07pm]

 _well now that’s boyfriend-material if anything_ [03:07pm]

 **I wouldn’t go that far** [03:08pm]

 _yet (￣_ _▼_ _￣*)_ [03:08pm]

 **it’s just that he’s got a lot of baggage and I’ve got a lot of baggage and I don’t want to burden him anymore than he already is.** [03:08pm]

 _aw Keith. But isn’t that what all relationships are based upon? Sharing? Doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic one or a platonic one, it just means you are not alone. If he wants to know and you want to tell him, go ahead. If he wants to share his troubles with you, then open your ears. From what Allura’s told us, there was some sort of an incident that drew Shiro away from all that’s familiar to him and so it’s still clearly affecting him._ [03:09pm]

 **he thinks he doesn’t deserve me. even as a friend.** [03:09pm]

 _of course he doesn’t. you’re Keith fucking Kogane, you’re going into space, you’ve stopped giving a fuck about other people’s opinions since you were like five, you’ve survived a shitload of things that would have killed a more fragile person. No one deserves you. You’re my best friend and basically the big brother I never had. The thing is that if it feels right to you, if it feels good to you and it’s consensual, if it’s mutual… then what the hell does my opinion matter? First of all, I would have to see Shiro in person and you would have to see him in person to see if you two click outside of your phones._ [03:09pm]

 **Pidge I’m kinda. I’m…** [03:10pm]

 _If you think he deserves you, then he does. Sounds like he’s got some self-confidence issues. But so does half of this planet. We’ve all got issues. Literally no one is perfect_. [03:10pm]

 **Certainly not me. I feel a little like he’s put me on a pedestal and now I feel iffy about confessing. it’d just feel like I’m pressuring him** [03:10pm]

 _oh KEITh the thing is no one knows what’s gonna happen the next minute, the next hour, the next day. dude, you’re going into SPACE. Are you scared for yourself or for him? Are you scared he’s going to reject you? Think about it what would you lose. Really_ [03:11pm]

 **or what he would lose** [03:11pm]

 **goddammit that sounds selfish** [03:11pm]

 **it’s not like I’m invaluable to him** [03:12pm]

 **but when he tells me he has no friends, no one to talk to at school about his problems, that he’s grown without a family like me I can’t help but feel connected. Like I mean something important for him** [03:13pm]

 **my mind’s a fucking mess** [03:13pm]

 _oh keith. I’ll even help you confess if you want. It will make you feel better, okay? It’s not like you can’t ever be friends again even if he rejects you. Even if you couldn’t be in a relationship right away because he’s away in his mystery school and you’ve still got wayyyys to go until you’re a certified Nasa scientist slash astronaut_ [03:14pm]

 **you believe in me more than I believe in myself Pidge** [03:14pm]

 _that’s right, I’m the Kamina to your Simon_   [03:14pm]

 **what [** 03:14pm]

 _we’ve been friends forever and you know nothing about anime. for shame, Keith_ [03:15pm]

 **ohh it’s a reference to something?** [03:15pm]

 _つ´Д`)つ_ [03:15pm]

 _ANYWAY don’t change the subject_ [03:15pm]

 **you’re the one who- fine. yes. let’s. let me think about this a little more okay and prod at what Shiro feels ok** [03:16pm]

 _as long as you stop pining because that’s getting a tiiiiny bit annoying_ [03:16pm]

 **looking at your face daily is annoying** [03:16pm]

 _aww I adore you too, big brother_ [03:16pm]

# September 11 th, 2016

 

 _sorry this is so abrupt and early and we only talked on the phone like five hours_ _ago_ . _even though it was a pretty one-sided conversation since you were practically falling asleep. you sound cute when you’re grumpy and tired_. [04:04am]

 _but I can’t sleep at all so I sneaked off to one of our dressing rooms. sorry I had to crop it so but I kind of… look like a mess right now_. [04:05am]

_could you… when you wake up. could you please text me. just say you saw this okay? I’ll tell you more about it, about how it works if you want._ [04:05am]

 _we only talked like five hours ago and I already want to hear your voice again_ [04:05am]

 _also don’t share this with anyone else, please. I know you won’t anyway but i… at least I can shove bad memories into my head but I can’t escape from my own arm_ [04:06am]

 

 _I had a nightmare. This time it was about you._ [05:50am]

 

 **I’m okay, everything’s okay. Your arm looks very cool! I have questions about it but only and ONLY if you are comfortable answering. I know Pidge would have more because she loves all kinds of tinkering but let’s keep that for later.** [08:15am]

 **Thank you for sharing this with me. Honestly. I feel like… it’s nice to be trusted. To be cared for. Not that my friends don’t care about me, I know they do but you know. I feel like. You’re just mine.** [08:16am]

 **my foot is in my mouth and apparently in my hands too** [08:16am]

 **I know you don’t want to talk about it but I just… want to say that I’m sorry about your arm. But this one looks very neat. I hope it works as it’s supposed to.** [08:17am]

 **And hey… I want to hear your voice again as soon as possible.** [08:17am]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will these two idiots ever get a clue? will Shiro ever get over his self-confidence issues? It's okay if he doesn't though, not loving yourself doesn't mean nobody will ever love you you know 
> 
> but anyway. Will these two idiots ever stop being scared of What If and instead start thinking Why Not 
> 
> also i might be projecting my own issues on Keith sorry  
> also ao3's formatting fucking sucks and everything i did on word is now useless fffffffff  
> also Pidge's part is why i never give anyone advice irl esp about their love life. how would i know because i've never had one ahahahhaha *forever alone*


	8. stars look very different today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get a little closer. The others get a peek into Shiro. Introducing the first petname Shiro gives to Keith. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro's italics, Keith's bolded. 
> 
> *throws sugary sweet confetti all over this chapter*
> 
> tw for an anxiety attack, not graphic though but still

# September 12th, 2016

 

 _Keith, I saw your newest update on Instagram_ [07:04am]

 _You gripe about Lance a lot but you two still seem very close._ [07:04am]

 _My eye is always drawn to you in your pictures though._ [07:05am]

 

 

 _I almost forgot, I ran my morning run through a different route than usual. Mostly because I didn’t particularly feel like doing it with the company I usually have during morning. I had some time to think. And take a few pics. You ever been to California, Keith? It’s very hot generally but thankfully the Academy has good air condition. As do our rooms._ [07:24am]

 _My roommate calls himself Ulaz. He’s one of the few who do not revel in the violence this place provides. We have never talked about why we are here so I don’t know what he’s done nor does he know what I have done. But he leaves me be and I leave him be. He doesn’t mind that I keep sneaking off in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t dare to call you in his presence though, I don’t want anyone in here knowing about you._ [07:25am]

 _If it were up to me, I wouldn’t keep you as a secret. Never think that._ [07:25am]

 _I have talked to Allura some and I’m glad to have reconnected. She seems vary of me but then again, I’m not the same Shiro she remembers being friends with._ [07:26am]

 _Tell me about your day._ [07:26am]

 _oh, I do have some free time around two in the afternoon if you want me to join your friends in your group chat. It seems fun_. [07:26am]

 

 **Sorry I didn’t answer sooner, Hunk and Lance dragged Pidge and me off our beds at the ass crack of dawn for party planning and I’m exhaaaaausteeedd** [11:35am]

 **not too exhausted to text you though! or go to the gym later because apparently I’m too scrawny these days. As if, I could still kick Lance’s even scrawnier ass any day of the week** [11:35am]

 **ANYway YES well… I don’t know what you mean about me and Lance. Of course we seem close, we’re friends. Although he’s a tiny bit more touchy-feely than I would like but I’ve figured out by now that that’s just the way he shows affection. It’s good to have at least one person around who shows his feelings so openly. Although I wish he’d use less emojis. They kill me.** [11:35am]

 **I’ve never been to Cali, I’ve moved from place to place though but have managed to stay away from there somehow… it looks pretty!** [11:36am]

 **I’m glad you have at least somewhat sensible roommate.** [11:36am]

 **My day was well, spent party planning even though I’ve got no interest in it- just the partying itself part or more like the getting drunk-part but then again it’s for Lance’s birthday so I guess it’s fine, listening to Lance tell me again how beautiful Allura looks with her hair in a bun, trying to do my essays and actually mostly succeeding and wondering if I’m too tired to go to the gym after all.** [11:36am]

 **I kinda… want to mainly because I want to take a selfie for you.** [11:37am]

 _I’d like to see another. : )_ [11:37am]

 **I didn’t even notice you were present oh boy** [11:38am]

 _The fact that you’re thinking of me as much as I’m thinking of you makes me smile._ [11:38am]

 **afhd** [11:38am]

 **I’m… I’m happy about that. Of course I’m thinking of you. You’re my mystery friend. I feel kind of… a connection?** [11:38am]

 _to me?_ [11:39am]

 **not to Lance that’s for sure** [11:39am]

 _oh Keith. You are quite something._ [11:39am]

 _in a good way. ;)_ [11:39am]

 **ANYWAY CHANGING THE SUBJECT because my ears feel hot** [11:40am]

 **are you okay with me inviting you to our group chat later? We mainly use Whatsapp for it so you don’t even have to download anything new to your phone** [11:40am]

 **my friends a little bit of a handful but Allura’s present a lot now too so we’re a lot more mellow** [11:40am]

 _it’s good to have lively friends_ [11:41am]

 **that’s one way to put it** [11:41am]

 **talk to you later soon** [11:41am]

 _always looking forward to it : )_ [11:42am]

 

~

_PaladinKeith has joined the group chat “spaghetti to forgetti your regretti”_

[2:00pm]

 

 **PaladinKeith:** you’re all present I just know it so I’m just gonna be brief: I’m going to invite Shiro to this and I will end you if you don’t behave and I will also end you if you tease me or him about any of this. just… don’t scare him away this is important to me

 **LunkAndHance:** aww Keith we’ll behave. Especially now that it’s The Hunk at the helm and not Lance. He’s feeling mopey so we have fused into one being

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** that’s a surprisingly hilarious nickname you’ve got there guys.. and don’t worry K we’ll be nice.

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** I’m happy to see Shiro is reaching out to you Keith- and to us as well. He’s been alone for far too long.

 

_PaladinKeith has invited Shiro to the group chat_

**Shiro:** hello : )

 **LunkAndHance:** hi dark tall handsome hunky dude- no, Lance, I’m not gonna write that, what the hell

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** hi Shiro!

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** nice to see you socializing, Shiro ;)

 **PaladinKeith:** guys

 **Shiro:** :D I like your nicknames. Should I pick one too? I’m afraid I’ve kind of fallen out of the knowledge of current pop culture though.

 **PaladinKeith:** you don’t have to

 **LunkAndHance:** he has to

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** I’ve gone through Allura, Allure, Lure, Allurelure, AliceLovesCheerleaders and about a dozen others. Do what u want

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** yes of course nicknames are a necessity. I think Keith might have some suggestions for you ;D

 **PaladinKeith:** silence, Pidge. besides, what’s with your nickname anyway

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THOSE TINY HELLSPAWN  THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** just before you arrived, Keith, she was already ranting

 **PaladinKeith:** what happened?

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** my most treasured fucking lunch was stolen by some greedy little shitfaced sorryass excuse for a bird and then it proceeded to shit on my computer

 **LunkAndHance:** Hunk says sorry for your computer and Lance snickers because he takes joy in other people’s misery

 **Shiro:** there aren’t that many birds around my part of the country. mostly just corvids.

 **PaladinKeith:** oh, I like corvids! They’re super smart.

 **LunkAndHance:** OF course Keith likes corvids when Shiro says he’s around them

 **PaladinKeith:** LANCE

 **Shiro:**  :)

_Shiro has changed their name to CaliforniaDreamin_

**CaliforniaDreamin:** it’s a nice song.

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** you used to like it back then too.

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** yeah :)

 **PaladinKeith:** I don’t think I’ve heard it. … or I might have. Isn’t that the one that’s been covered like ten times?

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhZULM69DIw> I like this one. I often listen to it and others like it at the gym or in my morning or evening runs. :)

 

_LunkAndHance has changed their name to JustHunkNoLance_

 

 **JustHunkNoLance:** Lance is grounded. He’s pouting at me. Also Shiro, you have a good taste! One more plus point in my books.

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** oh, am I being graded for something?

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** just ignore them

 **PaladinKeith:** guys…

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** it’s okay Keith

 **JustHunkNoLance:** nah you’re not being graded, we’re just curious about you.

 **CaliforniaDreamin** : anything particular you want to know? I can say my intentions towards your friend Keith are perfectly honourable.

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** oohhhhh

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** tsihihi

 **PaladinKeith:** oh my god please no winkyface

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** oh right ;)

 **PaladinKeith:** asfklds

 **JustHunkNoLance:** Lance just whooped right next to my ear and has the worst shit-eating grin I’ve ever seen.

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** it’s like watching my brother get flirted at: awkward but still kinda cute

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** so sweet :)

 **PaladinKeith:** your face is sw- … my brain is not working

 **CaliforniaDreamin** : sorry, your reactions are just too cute

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** OOOHHH

 **PaladinKeith** : khlasfhafskl

 **JustHunkNoLance:** :D :D :D :D

 **PaladinKeith:** I can hear all of you laughing at me I hate you all

 **JustHunkNoLance:** THIS IS LANCE AND I LOVE YOU MULLETHEAD and this is Hunk telling you that you are cute and there’s nothing wrong with someone pointing that out

 **PidgeonsEverywhere:** geez Keith take a compliment

 **AliceInCollegeLand:** We’ve just gotten acquiantanced, Keith, I’d be saddened if you truly hated me already! :(

 **PaladinKeith:** I don’t hate you, I just can’t

_JustHunkNoLance has changed their name to Hancelot_

 

 **Hancelot:** the best fusion or the best fusion also I know Keith is a cinnamon roll who doesn’t really hate anyone. Shiro’s got his work cut out for him to peel off that tough guy exterior

 **PaladinKeith:** stop it

 **Hancelot:** never, baby buddy bro darling im sending you smooches too bad you can’t see them stop bothering me Hunk I want to send Keith smooches

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** your friends are fun, Keith :) Let’s chat more later, yes?

 

_CaliforniaDreamin has left the group chat_

 

 **PaladinKeith:** my face is so red

 

_PaladinKeith has left the group chat_

 

 **can I ask you something** [3:45pm]

 **are you and Allura… was there… has there ever been.. you know?** [3:45pm]

 

 **oh, I guess you’re busy again** [3:58pm]

 **it’s fine, you don’t have to answer** [3:58pm]

 **we’re heading off to the gym with the guys and Allura in a minute anyway, let’s call tonight if you feel up for it, okay?** [3:59pm]

 

 **I put up a couple of selfies on my Instagram. You could check them out if you wanted.** [5:35pm]

 **I look like an awful sweaty mess though** [5:35pm]

 **now we’re gonna eat and I’m gonna work on my essays. Please call me when you can!** [5:35pm]

 

 _In-coming call: **Shiro :3**_ [6:25pm]

 

“Hi, Shiro.” Keith fidgets. He’s sitting cross-legged on his bed, eyes not on his abandoned essays but on Pidge’s empty bed. She had made it clear she’d go on on her rampage against the pidgeons of the campus and set camp at the college library out of spite. She probably wouldn’t be bad except much later.

_“Hello, Keith. How are your essays doing? How are you doing?”_

Keith licks his dry lips. His hair is still damp from his shower. “My essays are what they are. I am… what I am.”

 _“Good.”_ Shiro chuckles. Keith fidgets more fiercely. His thoughts burrow themselves into Shiro’s voice, imagine what sort of an expression Shiro is making: is he smiling?

_“And no, Keith, it’s never been like that with me and Allura. You have nothing to worry for.”_

“I wasn’t-“ Keith snaps his mouth shut. He swallows the lump in his throat. “Okay. Good. “

Shiro chuckles again, Keith can hear the buzz of the wind and the faint melody of something vaguely familiar.

“Are you outside?”

_“Evening run. Or more like walk now. I’m still not quite allowed to exert myself too much.”_

Keith shifts to lay down on his back, kicks his pencil case and half-finished essay-draft to the floor. “What’s the weather like? What are you listening?”

 _“Bright,”_ Shiro murmurs. _“Ah, it’s- yes. David Bowie right now. Space Oddity.”_

Keith closes his eyes. “Are you a fan?”

Shiro hums. _“A somewhat of a fan. Enough to feel the sting when he passed away.”_

Keith nods to himself. “Yeah. Pidge’s parents are huge fans. I think her mother cried for like a week. I don’t really listen to much music myself but I appreciate when someone is so utterly unique, so massively important to so many people. And I do like Space Oddity. It makes me oddly melancholic though.”

Something crunches at Shiro’s side and Shiro makes a soft sound of displeasure. _“I should really change my route to the other one for good. The others use this one too much and mostly just throw their trash here. Anyway. Yes. I agree.”_ Shiro apparently turns the volume on harder on whatever he’s listening his music with because Keith faintly hears Bowie’s drawl.

Keith brings his fingers to his face when he hears Shiro breathe deeper, hears the crunch of his steady footsteps. Keith finds his lips curling into a smile and he barely manages to suppress a sound of surprise.

“How are you today, Shiro?” His voice is steady enough. Although his throat feels oddly full of something akin to melancholia, his chest tight with something close to anxiety.

 _“I am surprisingly well,”_ Shiro murmurs his answer through hushed breathes and the wind apparently picking up. _“Oh, it looks like rain. We don’t get enough rain in here so I’m glad.”_

Keith inhales. Exhales. It had been a long time since his anxiety had been anything but a minor annoyance in his daily life, kept easily at bay by being active, by engaging himself with anything he could possibly think of and never really stopping to think. Yet now it’s creeping up on him. The first time in a long time had been before the school. Keith had never told Pidge.

 _“Are you okay, Keith?”_ Shiro’s voice is sweet, concerned. Keith presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and takes another deep breath. Tries to focus on the warmth of Shiro’s voice but can only think of the mechanical arm in place of Shiro’s real one, can only think of the pauses in their most painful conversations.

“Oh, dammit,” Keith murmurs. His voice is twitchy, trembling. “Tell me something good, Shiro. Anything. What do the leaves look like? What do you smell? What do you hear?”

Shiro draws breath, like preparing to question but instead he hums. David Bowie continues to drawl softly in the background and Keith reigns himself in with it, focuses on all the good memories coming with that song, coming with Shiro.

 _“Ah yes. Leaves are pretty much all orange. Too bad this only lasts for around a week before they just drop off,”_ Shiro continues to murmur. Keith keeps his hands on his face, his phone awkwardly tugged between his cheek and a pillow. Keith counts his heartbeats. Snifs at the air to identify the lingering scent of fresh laundry and ink.

 _“I can’t really hear much. We’re ways away from having any neighbours and nothing is scheduled for transportation right now so there’re no cars. Oh, there’s a corvid. I think it’s a raven. God, aren’t you a loud one. What’s up?”_ Shiro continues to blabber soft little nothings, speaks to the bird he’s apparently met who is joined by another and then another.

Keith exhales, close to a panic but he focuses on his breathing, focuses on what Shiro is seeing and hearing and listening to.

He barely realizes when Shiro shifts from talking about nature into talking straight to Keith.

_“There you go, Keith, just breathe. In, slowly, slowly. Then out. Slowly, slowly. You gotta give time for your pulse to slow down to normal pace, to your brain to slow down. In and out. Do it with me, sweetheart, do it.”_

Keith does, feels a few tears trickle from beneath tightly closed eyelids but he breathes.

“I don’t- I dd-don’t-“

_“Ssh, it’s okay to not speak. Just concentrate on breathing. Can you do that for me, sweetheart? Please do this for me. Breathe in. Then out. As slowly as you can.”_

Keith inhales. Keith exhales. Slowly, slowly the room stops spinning, the colours start seeping back into his world. His heart stops racing. He listens to Shiro calling for his name.

_“How do you feel, Keith?”_

Keith draws breath. Turns to his side and lets his eyes open. The lamp by his bed is way too bright but he’s too tired to reach out to turn it off.

“Calm,” he murmurs. Wipes his face.

 _“Good,”_ Shiro says. God, his voice is something Keith could listen to all day. _“Can I ask if this happens to you often? You haven’t mentioned having anxiety.”_

The petulant part of Keith wants to insist he doesn’t, it’s just that he’s tired and stressed. But he knows he does. That some part of him is always overthinking always overstressed, always thinking of Keith Kogane as Not Good Enough.

“It comes and goes,” Keith whispers. “Thanks, Shiro. Really, thank you.”

 _“I’m here for you,”_ Shiro says, softly, like speaking to a frightened animal. From anyone else it would have annoyed Keith but now he just feels safe.

He rolls back on his back and stares at the ceiling.

“You called me sweetheart.”

Shiro hums. _“Does it bother you?”_

Keith bites into his lip, just enough to feel the pressure. His brain still reels, trying to correct itself.

“Nah. When you talk to me I feel… like. I.” Keith sighs.

Shiro just hums again, waiting for a response. The crunch of his footsteps tells Keith he has continued to walk.

“I feel safe,” Keith says finally, after a moment of listening to Shiro’s breathing. Keith’s cheeks are warm.

Shiro is quiet for a moment, a heartbeat too long and Keith almost panics, should he have even said something like that- before Shiro chuckles, a brief, warm sound that makes Keith’s toes curl.

 _“Oh, Keith. What sort of a fate pushed you towards me, I wonder. Oh, Keith.”_ Shiro inhales, exhales. _“No one has ever said something like that to me. No one has ever thought of me as safe.”_

Keith swallows down the lump in his throat again. “It’s in your eyes and in your voice,” he says. Nibbles on his lip. “And I think… it is in your face and in your body. Just the feeling that you are a protector. That I would fear nothing if-“ _if what? what was I going to say? If we were a couple? If you were here? Come on, Kogane, get a grip._

“Nothing. If nothing. Just. It’s the same as trusting you with my secrets. I trust you with my physical self. I think kindness is in-built into you, not violence.”

Shiro is once more silent. When he speaks once more, his voice is thick. _“Oh, Keith. I wish I could see what you see when you speak with me.”_

“You will,” Keith says and sits up once more, crossing his legs under him. “I believe it.”

Shiro’s voice is tinted with faint amusement. _“When you say it with such determination, I find myself believing it too. In such a short time, you have become someone invaluable to me.”_

Keith flushes. He can feel how the red hue climbs all over his body, makes even the tips of his ears pink. He clears his throat. “You too, Shiro.”  The door rattles. Keith clears his throat again. “It’s Pidge, so  I think I’ll ask for her help with these essays if she feels up for it.”

_“Alright then, Keith. Talk to you later.”_

“Yeah. Talk to you later.”

Keith ends the call first. Doesn’t meet Pidge’s eyes. She snickers.

“Awww,” she says.

“I like him so much,” Keith mutters and rubs his burning cheeks.

 

 _I’m actually trying to head off to be at a respectable time, so…. goodnight, sweetheart._ [10:00pm]

 **you are going to use that against me constantly aren’t you** [10:00pm]

 **goodnight Shiro and thanks again. Your voice calms me so easily.** [10:00pm]

 _I’m glad._ [10:00pm]

 

 

 

 


	9. rise hope, rise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro begins to burst out of his cocoon and finds that after so much time without hope, he finally sees its glimmer. Keith deals with nosy friends, schoolwork and the fact that his heart continues to beat for Takashi Shirogane.

# September 13th, 2016

 

_Shiro’s laughter comes straight from his stomach, straight from his heart. Keith watches the little crowsfeet at the corners of Shiro’s eyes, finds his own enjoyment from the way Shiro’s cheeks flush from joy._

_“It wasn’t that funny, Takashi,” Keith huffs but can’t bring himself to be actually angry. Not when Shiro looks so genuinely happy._

_“It was pretty funny, sweetheart,” Shiro says and shifts his arms tighter around Keith, presses a kiss to his nose, to his lips, to his forehead. “I like it when you call me Takashi.”_

_Keith’s cheeks are hot. He reaches to pinch Shiro’s earlobe, avoids the kiss that ends up on Keith’s cheek instead of his mouth._

_“Takashi,” Keith murmurs._

_“I feel safe when I’m with you,” Shiro says and pulls Keith closer, closer, closer._

_Keith opens his mouth to respond, what comes out instead is-_

a yell when a pillow smacks him straight in his face and then another smacks him to his sleep-heavy hands that he raises for protection.

                             “What the hell, Pidge?”

                             She snorts from across the room. “It’s one thing to watch your cute little crush through the phone screen but I don’t need to hear you moaning in your sleep.”

                             Keith groans, tosses Pidge’s pillows back at her; not that she ever needs the extras, she hoards her pillows like a dragon hoarding their treasure.

                             “I wasn’t moaning,” Keith huffs.

                             “Well, your noises were beginning to be quite suspicious.” Pidge yawns. Then she clears her throat and says in her intentionally horrifying imitation of sleepy Keith: “Oh, Takashi, you are so handsome and muscular. Oh, Takashi, throw me over your shoulder all caveman-style.”

                             She’s wearing a very Lance-like grin when Keith finally sits up in his bed to glare at her. His cheeks are suspiciously warm.

                             “I hate you,” he says.

                             Pidge sticks out her tongue at him. “Buy me lunch today and maybe I won’t tell Shiro that you have sex dreams about him.”

                             “It wasn’t a sex dream,” Keith says, rather uselessly because Pidge’s eyebrows are climbing up. Only when she has her back turned, half of her buried in her wardrobe, only then does Keith raise his fingers to his lips. Shiro’s face had been a little blurry in the dream, just the faintest image of the man Keith had seen in pictures but that smile had been blindingly real.

                             As had been the kisses.

                             _Takashi,_ Keith thinks. Mouths the name to himself, can feel colour pinching at his ear by now. Covers it up by going to his own wardrobe and digging through for something to wear.

                             If Pidge gives him the side-eye through their breakfast and their first lectures, at least she keeps quiet about the dream. Thankfully.

 

~

 **sorry I only got around to looking at the pic you sent me this morning just now** [10:05am]

 **The weather’s super bleak in here** [10:05am]

 **I dreamed about you by the way** [10:05am]

 **it was a nice dream.** [10:05am]

 **anyway how are you ribs? how are you? did you sleep well?** [10:06am]

 **I guess you’re busy with something again. It’s not like I’m expecting you to answer me** **constantly** [10:15am]

 **I just m-** [10:15am]

 **I just think of you a lot** [10:17am]

 **gtg to a lecture now and drag Pidge with me. Maths this early in the morning fffff** [10:17am]

_Unfortunately I didn’t have any dreams. It’s nothing new though, I don’t think I’ve ever remembered my dreams anyway._ [11:03am]

 _It’s nice that you dreamed about me. And that it was a good dream_. [11:05am]

 _I wish I dreamed of you too._ [11:05am]

 _My ribs are healing. The rest of me is stable. Rather tired. Most of today is going to be spent indoors though so there’s that._ [11:05am]

 _:) I think of you a lot too_. [11:06am]

 _I hope you won’t get crushed by maths. I was never a fan of that subject. Was decent at it though._ [11:07am]

_Hey, Keith… I want to meet you. One day._ [11:25am]

 

 **Maths didn’t crush me but still awful** [1:00pm]

 **now we’re having lunch slash kind of dinner** [1:00pm]

 **all the fries in the world** [1:00pm]

 

 **also… I’d…. I wouldn’t mind meeting you too. Did I already ask if you get vacations or anything? I could come to California though, I’ve got some money saved up from my summer job at Virginia** [1:15pm]

 **not during these months though I just… I want to meet you when I feel 100% myself and I can be 100% clearheaded** [1:15pm]

 

 _I do get vacations. I could come there, maybe it would even be easier. We shall see._ [1:30pm]

 _about that, Keith… are you willing to tell me why October is difficult for you? You don’t have to though._ [1:30pm]

 **It’s barely been like two months but I already feel like I’ve known you forever** [1:31pm]

 **oh that… I don’t know if I can just yet. But I will. You deserve to know. Not because I feel like I owe you but because I want you to know** [1:31pm]

 _: )_ [1:31pm]

 _I’m glad you trust me, Keith._ [1:31pm]

 **I do**. [1:32pm]

 **Are you busy in the evening? Aside from your evening run slash walk. I want to talk to you on the phone again**. [1:32pm]

 _I’ll make time for you, sweetheart._ [1:32pm]

 **please don’t call me that once we see each other face to face** [1:32pm]

 **it’s not that I don’t like it** [1:32pm]

 **because I do** [1:32pm]

 **but I just… might spontaneously combust** [1:33pm]

 _you are so cute._ [1:33pm]

 **you’re killing me** [1:33pm]

 _My apologies. ;)_ [1:33pm]

 **I doubt you are sorry at all** [1:33pm]

 _I’m only sorry if I make you uncomfortable. Do tell me if I do_. [1:34pm]

 **NO** [1:34pm]

 **I mean it’s not… that. it’s just with your muscles and your voice and all** [1:34pm]

 **nobody has shown such a singular interest in me before** [1:34pm]

 **at least that I can tell because I can be kinda oblivious to such things** [1:35pm]

 _It doesn’t bother you that I compliment you? You are attractive, Keith. Not just your looks but what’s inside. It’s not that I expect you to jump into a relationship with me when we’ve barely started to be friends but…_ [1:35pm]

 **you’re the one who’s rambling now**   [1:35pm]

 **it’s okay** [1:35pm]

 **it’s okay If you feel like you… you already … I can’t put it into words I’m sorry** [1:35pm]

 _don’t worry too much about it_ [1:36pm]

 _can I ask you something?_ [1:36pm]

 **you can ask me anything.** [1:36pm]

 _How do you… um. How do you feel about me? About us being friends? Or… possibly more. Maybe. We’d need to see each other face to face first I think. And you’d need to actually see my face too._ [1:36pm]

 **oh right** [1:37pm]

 **well that’s easy. I like you.** [1:37pm]

 _I like you too._ _J_ [1:37pm]

 **I think I could like you as more than a friend too. I think I… already might. Yeah.** [1:37pm]

 _oh_ [1:37pm]

 **yes** [1:38pm]

 **I don’t have crushes often. Actually I can’t even remember the last one, I’m kinda always been busy just surviving but now… My throat is dry. My hands are clammy. My heart thuds harder. All because I hear your voice.** [1:38pm]

 _oh Keith_ [1:38pm]

 **Don’t you dare say I should find someone else to crush on** [1:38pm]

 **you are beautiful** [1:38pm]

 **just because you have scars and a prosthetic arm doesn’t make that any less true** [1:39pm]

 **I like you because you are YOU** [1:39pm]

 **and now you’re silent again** [1:44pm]

 **oh boy** [1:47pm]

 **Shiro can you** [1:48pm]

 _sweetheart_ [1:48pm]

 _I’m sorry I had to take a moment_ [1:48pm]

 **Did I say something wrong?** [1:48pm]

 _no you didn’t, absolutely nothing wrong._ [1:49pm]

 _You are such a wonderful rarity, sweetheart._ [1:49pm]

 _To see the Takashi Shirogane who was instead of the monster that I see myself as_. [1:50pm]

 **you are not a monster.** [1:50pm]

 **and I didn’t know you before your incident, I know the you who exists here and now and is talking to me currently** [1:50pm]

 **and that’s who makes my heart race** [1:50pm]

 **that is horribly cheesy but it’s the truth** [1:51pm]

 _I like you so much, Keith. I don’t know if I can tell if it’s romantic, but I definitely like you. You say such things. I’ve scrolled through your Instagram-feed more often than I dare to admit. If there is a chance to light a fire from this spark, to call you mine then maybe, just maybe… I will let myself hope for such a chance to happen._ [1:51pm]

 **oh god you** [1:51pm]

 _as you said, it’s the truth. :)_  [1:51pm]

 **you are such a smooth talker oh my god.** [1:52pm]

 **is this what Jane Austen’s heroines feel like when they’re being courted** [1:52pm]

 _Well, you are a little like Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I can’t say I’m as broody as Mister Darcy though._ [1:52pm]

 **have you actually read Austen or are you just** [1:52pm]

 _Sorry to disappoint but I only saw the 2005 mini-series version ages ago with Allura. Colin Firth makes a fine Darcy._ [1:52pm]

 **god yes** [1:53pm]

 **but you’d make a better one** [1:53pm]

 _why thank you ;)_ [1:53pm]

 _have you read Austen?_ [1:53pm]

 **growing up I didn’t have much interest in computer games aside from like, flight simulators and TV rarely had anything interesting in it so I read a lot of books. I still do. They compose of like 90% of what I own** [1:54pm]

 **Pidge doesn’t get it, she’s only ever been interested in everything Cool Shiny and** Sciencey [1:54pm]

 _Books are a good way of escapism. I’ve read some too but not really nowadays. Most of the fiction-section of our school library just has decades-old thrillers._ [1:54pm]

 **I’ll borrow you some of mine** [1:55pm]

 _I’d like that :)_  [1:55pm]

 **by the way, Lance just asked me why my face is so red and even touched my forehead with his** [1:55pm]

 **he declared then that I don’t have a fever. Then he noticed that I’m texting and squinted. Then he started smirking.** [1:56pm]

 **he’s still smirking. jfc stop it lance** [1:56pm]

 **ahslfds oh my god lance** [1:57pm]

 **he just said** [1:57pm]

 **that I have shiro-fever** [1:57pm]

 **why is he so embarrassing** [1:57pm]

 _:D_ [1:58pm]

 _maybe you should get that checked out, sweetheart. ;)_ [1:58pm]

 **et tu brutus** [1:58pm]

 **also we should get going to more party planning** [1:58pm]

 **talk to you later, you tease, you** [1:58pm]

 _< 3_ [1:59pm]

 _I’ll have a surprise for you later on. I’ll text you._ [1:59pm]

 

~

_[2:15pm] and onwards._

                             “Has Keith been like this the whole day?” Hunk nudges Pidge again. Hunk’s fingers on his tablet have stopped in the middle of a particularly thick-crusted cherrypie recipe.

                             Pidge snorts. “One day I’ll hide his phone and watch him run around after it like a headless chicken,” she says and throws another wad of decorative paper at Lance’s head. Lance squawks, throws it right back at her.

                             “I can hear you, you know,” Keith huffs from behind his own laptop, sitting with his back against Hunk and Lance’s shared, ridiculously massive wardrobe.

                             “We know. We don’t care,” Pidge says and pokes Keith’s thigh with her foot. He grabs it to tickle it, snickers when she dissolves into a panicked little giggle and gives him a shift kick to the same thigh.

                             “Revenge is sweet,” Keith says and settles back to his previous position again, rubbing his thigh. Pidge huffs.

                             “So things are good with you and Tall Dark and Ridiculously Handsome?” Lance asks while glueing yet another shiny piece of string to his increasingly tall pile of decorative somethings. For once he’s not smirking but instead just focusing.

                             Keith hums. Squints at Lance. “Are you asking out of honest curiousity or asking just to tease me?”

                             Lance raises a thin eyebrow. “Hey buddy, I’m 100% behind you on supporting your love life. Since you actually have fun now. What a catch, that Shiro.” He lets out a wolf-whistle. Keith bristles.

                             Hunk resumes his recipe-scrolling but only keeps one eye in it, the other on Keith whose attention is divided between his phone and his laptop. The former stays suspiciously quiet for a moment. When it buzzes, Keith actually flinches when he picks it up.

                             “Oh my god,” he says out loud. All other heads turn towards him. Keith’s face turns from its usual pale shade into pink, then deepens. “It’s just… he made an Instagram-account. And apparently re-activated his Facebook. He says he never bothered to delete it completely, but just let it gather dust. Don’t bother rushing off to see his profile pic though, it’s one of those old ones.” Keith’s mouth is downturned, even though the flush remains. “It’s not like his face now is mangled or anything, but I guess I get it.”

                             “Not everyone likes to see their faces in the mirror,” Hunk hums thoughtfully and stops on a delicious-looking applepie. Lance would like applepie, right? Hunk had never actually seen Lance turn down half-free food anyway.

                             “I have no problem with it,” Lance mutters, standing on his tiptoes on his bed to put the clinging, shiny decoration to the floor with some heavy tape.

                             “Of course you don’t, you have an ego the size of Jupiter,” Keith huffs. Doesn’t look up to see Lance’s mouth tighten momentarily.

                             “Damn right, mullethead. I’ve fought for that ego and I’m gonna rejoice in it,” Lance says and hops down to start making another one.

                             Hunk bites down his question of what the hell does Lance even think those are and instead focuses on saving the recipe. He’d need to borrow the oven in the kitchens though, thankfully one of the cooks is Lance’s third cousin and actually in good terms with him anyway.

                             “Good for you,” Keith huffs. His phone buzzes again. Again, the other three watch Keith flush.

                             Lance squints at him. “Is he sending you dick pics? Can I see?”

                             Keith blinks. Further disappears behind his laptop. “No, you dumbass. It’s private.”

                             “So it is a dick pic,” Lance says.

                             “I don’t want to hear about dicks,” Pidge huffs and tosses a rainbow-striped ball of confetti at Lance who doesn’t even bother trying to catch it.

                             “Why not, little sweet Pidgey? Dicks are amazing,” Lance says and makes a show of untangling the partly ripped ball. Pidge scoffs.

                             “It’s not a dick pic,” Keith mutters. “But he did post a gym selfie on his Instagram and I… guys. Can you just. Unfortunately he censored his face and has a shirt on but I just.”

                             Lance is by Keith’s side in a flash. Hunk follows, more out of genuine curiousity to see more of Shiro than to see Shiro’s muscles. Pidge doesn’t move.

                             “Oh, wow,” Lance says, chin on Keith’s shoulder, eyes wide. Lance wolf-whistles. “Wait, does he have a-“

                             “Yeah,” Keith murmurs. “Don’t ask him about it. But yeah, it’s a prosthetic.”

                             “Prosthetic?” Echoes Pidge and now she sneaks closer, worming her way in front of the three boys.

                             “That looks fancy,” Hunk remarks. “He must work out like crazy to get those kinds of muscles.”

                             Keith’s cheeks burn. “He told me just now that I had given him hope that he won’t be shunned because of his arm. It took a lot from him to show it to be in the first place but now here he is, posting it on his account. God.”

                             “Mmm, wait, what does the caption say,” Lance hums and leans closer to the laptop. He wolf-whistles again and reads out loud: “ _This is only thanks to someone special who is constantly making me remember who I used to be and that the me who I am now doesn’t have to be someone repulsive. So here I am. Ps. Please don’t ask me any questions about my prosthetic. I do not wish to discuss it.”_

                             “Special someone,” Pidge repeats. She smiles then, small and crooked but a more genuine one than her usual smirks. “That’s kind of, sweet.”

                             Keith takes a deep breath. “Okay, you’ve gawked enough, now go away and leave me and my computer in peace.” He gives all three of them a nudge, then a shove when they don’t move immediately.

                             “Remember to invite me and Hunk to the wedding, will you?” Lance says and reaches to ruffle Keith’s hair. Keith squawks, swats his hand away but the damage is already done.

                             “I wanna  be best man slash bridesmaid slash ringbearer,” Pidge says. “I can already say I recommend a black tux for you and a white one for Shiro. It’ll be a nice contrast.”

                             “Guys,” Keith groans.

                             “How tall is he by the way?” Lance hums as he gets back to work on his decorations.

                             Keith hesitates. “Tall enough.”

                             Lance waggles his eyebrows. Keith throws a pillow at him.

~

 **You put all of us to shame.** [4:07pm]

 **You look ridiculous.** [4:07pm]

 **I MeAN** [4:07pm]

 **it’s ridiculous how hot you are** [4:07pm]

 **I can’t stop staring** [4:07pm]

 **also I’m proud of you so proud of you of putting that there and also ashaskflfs because special someone my ass** [4:07pm]

 _but you are, sweetheart. You are_. [4:10pm]

 **I don’t think I have blushed this much ever** [4:10pm]

 _aww. ;)_ [4:10pm]

 **SHIRO** [4:10pm]

 _Yes? :)_ _[_ 4:10pm]

 **Lance asked me** [4:10pm]

 **if your hand vibrates** [4:10pm]

 **Pidge obviously wants to poke around at it** [4:11pm]

 **Hunk said it was cool** [4:11pm]

 _I’m glad. I thought it over and over. That maybe if I just made it private and all… I’m glad you liked it._ [4:11pm]

 _I’m glad your friends liked it but mostly I was worried about your reaction_. [4:11pm]

 **What did you think it was gonna be?** [4:12pm]

 _I don’t know. But now I’m glad I did it._ [4:12pm]

 **Like I said, I’m proud of you! I hope you did it for yourself and not for me though.** [4:12pm]

 _As much as I want you to see all of me, I did do it for myself._ [4:13pm]

 **….** [4:13pm]

 **that’s… kind of an innuendo** [4:13pm]

 _truly?_ [4:13pm]

 **not that I wouldn’t want to. you know. see all of you.** [4:13pm]

 _;) may I call you?_ [4:14pm]

 **oh, we’re revising Pidge’s project thing now, if you can, I’ll be able to talk around six. Is that okay?** [4:14pm]

 _More than. Talk to you later._ [4:14pm]

# September 14 th, 2016

 

 _Good morning, Keith. Did you sleep well?_ [6:05am]

 _Still no dreams about anything, much less you._ [6:06am]

 **Good morning, or more like afternoon for you, early bird**. [09:15am]

 **I slept well. Especially after our brief talk last evening. Sorry I had to cut it so short though**. [09:15am]

 **Busy day today, I’ll try to answer as much as I can though!** [09:15am]

 

 _I got scolded. Instructor Sendak is a real hardass. Does he think this is actual military? He’s not even a sergeant._ [10:50am]

 

 _The fifteen-year-old I told you about was sent packing. Apparently he had lied on his application papers. Easier ways to get into the military, kid._ [1:05pm]

 

 _My favourite thing is when we get into flight simulators. I’m far too experienced to just simulators but it’s the closest I can get to my old F-22. I wonder if they ever dismantled it. I miss it._ [3:40pm]

 _Have you ever flown, Keith? There’s nothing else like it in the world._ [3:40pm]

 _Maybe sex, but that depends on the partner_. [3:41pm]

 _Before you ask, I am far more experienced in flying than sex. Haven’t had the particular interest to practice. ;)_ [3:41pm]

 _Sorry if that was way too forward._ [3:42pm]

 _My thoughts tend to go to you so much these days._ [3:42pm]

 _I can safely say I don’t think my feelings towards you are entirely platonic._ [3:44pm]

 

 **jesus Christ on a disco stick** [4:55pm]

 **we’re grown men ,Shiro, I think we can talk about sex without blushing** [4:55pm]

 **unless it’s in the context of you… and me… .. then I can’t promise you anything** [4:55pm]

 **no I’m not a virgin** [4:56pm]

 **but** [4:56pm]

 **what have you done to me** [4:56pm]

 

 _I would apologize for putting a spell on you if I was in any way truly sorry_. [5:00pm]

 **I knew it. Damn you**. [5:00pm]

 _< 3_ _what are you doing now, Keith? Aside from thinking such thoughts._ [5:01pm]

 **Shiro please** [5:01pm]

 _what?_ _J_ [5:01pm]

 **damn you. Anyway. I’m not doing anything special. Wondering if I should head off to the gym again. I kinda feel itchy. Anxious**. [5:01pm]

 _Should I call you?_ [5:02pm]

 **Yes please.** [5:02pm]

 _Or… better yet. Do you want… um. A video call?_ [5:02pm]

 **A video-call? Are you sure you feel ready for that? I’m definitely up for it if you are. I’m alone in my room. Pidge even promised to knock hard before coming back.** [5:03pm]

 _I’ve been thinking it over and over. Why not. It’s you, after all. You already know what I look like._ [5:03pm]

 **Yeah. Y-yeah. Do you have Skype? Like on your laptop or something?** [5:03pm]

 _Yes. In fact I’m in my room as well. Roommate is also  having a late dinner and I don’t think he’ll be back for a while. Sorry if I disappear on you all of a sudden though._ [5:04pm]

 **It’s okay. Okay. Yes. I’m all set up. Just let me find you in here first.** [5:04pm]

 _If it helps, I’m just Shiro in there._ [5:04pm]

 **Ah yes, there. There you are. Are you ready?** [5:06pm]

 _I think so. I think my laptop’s camera even works. Mmm._ [5:06pm]

 

_Out-going call to **Shiro**_

“Damn this thing, why won’t you work,” Keith grumbles as he waves a hand over his webcam. The thing flicks its light at him like to mock him but refuses to show a picture.

_“Hello?”_

“Wait a sec- oh-“ Keith’s mouth dries up when he notices that Shiro’s webcam definitely works.

 _“Wait, why can’t I see you? Is your webcam okay?”_ Keith blinks. Blinks. Blinks. Hand hovering over his webcam. It flickers to life, just to show Shiro Keith’s slackjawed expression.

Shiro chuckles, Keith watches that mouth he’s dreamed of curling into a shy smile, watches those prosthetic fingers brush away white- white!- strands from a noble forehead. Even the slash of a pinkish scar over Shiro’s nose accentuates how utterly, devastatingly good-looking he is.

_“You okay there, Keith?”_

Keith makes a sound and covers his face for a moment, just to buy himself a second to breathe. He had seen the old photos of course, had seen the devastating muscles in that god-forsaken Instagram-picture but to see Shiro like this when Keith is already tired and lonely and crushing harder than a Justin Bieber-fangirl… it’s so much.

“Yes, I’m. I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine.” He peeks through his fingers. Waves back when Shiro waves at him, smiling that tired, beautiful smile.

 _“You’re even cuter like this, sweetheart,”_ Shiro murmurs. God, to hear how his voice practically purrs the petname is enough to make Keith weak in the knees. He’s glad he’s sitting down.

“You’re just shitting me,” Keith says instead of a thank you. He’s offered another beautiful smile in return.

_“Definitely not. I mean what I say, Keith.”_

Their eyes meet. Keith’s fingers tingle. Sparks. Definitely sparks. His cheeks burn, burn, burn and Shiro looks at the camera, straight at Keith and Keith knows he’s well and truly fucked.

He finds that he doesn’t mind at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's cute? THEY ARE  
> also sorry if this feels too early but then again, they are taking a day at a time and pretty much talking 24/7. Sometimes you don't have to know the person for very long to know that they are going to be in your life for a very long time, if not for good. 
> 
> I know because I have friends like that who clicked with me instantly and who know everything about me. 
> 
> also have you seen Shiro  
> who wouldn't fall in love in apprx three seconds  
> also sorry for that godawful photoshop lmao it's hard to find a gym selfie of a guy where he 1) doesn't look like a total douchebag 2) actually has a shirt on ... or like.. half a shirt...


	10. september blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friends get some page-time while Keith makes hearteyes at his phone in the sidelines. 
> 
> Keith and Shiro get warmer and warmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for another anxiety attack

# September 15th, 2016

 

[9:34am, in the middle of Iverson’s lecture about NASA, featuring a visiting scientist currently working with a secret project involving exoplanets.]

 

_Lance-has-many-things-to-do invited TheIncredibleHunk and Pidgeotto to the group chat “Shiro is the love of Keith’s life and it’s so fucking cute I’m dying”_

 

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** I mean, look at Keith. Nasa is his lifeblood and he’s only focusing with like, on ear. BRO I CAN SEE YOU TEXTING SHIRO dammit why does he always sit so faaaar I can’t see what they’re saying ಠ_ಠ

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** you made another group chat for…. ? and why are you texting  when we’re sitting side by side

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** for talking about Shiro and Keith’s Love Story obviously and I’m texting u because I can’t exactly speak out loud now CAN I

 **Pidgeotto:** why are you butting in also why are you including me also I’m actually trying to listen

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** My butt and I have every right to be concerned. I mean, I already got used to Grumpy Kitty Keith and now he’s making heart eyes at his phone and I barely have to mention Shiro for Keith to go all dreamy. I don’t know how to handle it. It’s so weird. He hasn’t even whined at me for breathing in his space. Is this what love does to people? Do I make those faces at Allura? oh god we should invite Allura to this

 **Pidgeotto:** why on earth

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** this is coming out so wrong I realize. I don’t mean that I hate that Keith looks so happy, it’s just. I’m just curious okay

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** why don’t u focus on studying Lance

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** I’m focusing!! but I can also think about ways to get Keith’s hunky almost-boyfriend and Keith to confess and be happy and in love so I can live vicariously through their love life and their happiness

 **Pidgeotto:** you are one ridiculous individual

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** :D :D I know and I don’t care

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** what are you thinking bro

 **Pidgeotto:** honestly I don’t think you should butt in, they’re grown men for fuck’s sake

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** but Keith is a dumbo ಠ_ಠ

 **Pidgeotto:** can’t deny that

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** I’m just saying that maybe Shiro and Keith need a little push.

 **Pidgeotto:** mmmm.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** maybe we do need Allura. Let’s keep this a secret between us.

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** and surprise Keith? hell yesss bro

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** Bro :D

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do** : BRO (´ε｀ )♡

 **Pidgeotto:** help

 

 **I just glanced back from my seat and saw my friends staring at me. I feel like they’re planning something remarkably devious** [9:45am]

 **I don’t think I’m gonna be worried though.** [9:46am]

 **also this lecture is amazing** [9:46am]

 **NASA, shiro, NASA!!!!! actual nasa-person as a visitor!!!!!!!** [9:46am]

 _your enthusiasm about NASA makes me smile. It’s good to have passions_. [9:47am]

 **I’m also passionate about your face** [9:47am]

 **oh god** [9:47am]

 _That’s good. I’m also passionate about yours. ;)_ [9:47am]

 **oh god**   [9:47am]

 

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** are they SEXTING IN CLASS. KEITH’S GOING RED

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** wow

 **Pidgeotto:** Keith’s not you, Lance

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** IT WAS ONE TIME. ONE. TIME. That you weren’t even there to witness jfc

**but honestly, Shiro, you’re just… I’m glad we talked face to face. Well, through a screen but it’s better than just plain text.** [9:50am]

 **Now I have a proper face to go with my** [9:50am]

 **err** [9:50am]

 **thoughts** [9:50am]

 _Are you… do you really find me that goodlooking?_ [9:51am]

 **WHAT** [9:51am]

 **you are like** [9:51am]

 **beautiful** [9:51am]

 **you’re the most goodlooking person I’ve ever seen** [9:51am]

 _ohh_ [9:51am]

 _that’s… that’s good._ [9:52am]

 _that’s very good. Because I also think you are beautiful. Your hair looked very soft last night._ [9:52am]

 **asfsdgdgs** [9:52am]

 **I mean, I had seen your old pictures and those articles and all… but you are even better in motion. That sounds so lame but I just… I can’t even say the words, it’s too embarrassing** [9:52am]

 **you’re just … hot. Oh god.** [9:53am]

 _< 3_ [9:53am]

 **…. <3 **[9:53am]

 **I like that part of your hair is white. Can I ask if it was deliberate or… ?** [9:53am]

 _unfortunately that’s just the case of this thing I apparently developed… some sort of an autoimmune thing. I’m sorry, I can’t recall the name of it right now as it’s not life-threatening or anything and it’s never affected any other part of me than just that front part. It doesn’t look silly or anything?_ [9:54am]

 **noo it just makes you look kinda sophisticated** [9:54am]

 _You do know how to make me feel better about myself, sweetheart. : )_ [9:55am]

 

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** I can’t handle, look at Keith

 **Pidgeotto:** …. d’aww. He’s clearing his throat, trying to cover up how red his ears are. D’awwww.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** either Keith is very easy to rile up or Shiro must be quite the smoothtalker.

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** wouldn’t even have to speak around me. Mmm those muscles.

 **Pidgeotto:** don’t objectify Keith’s future boyfriend

 **Lance-has-many-things-to-do:** sorry :(  it’s not like Keith heard… uh oh he’s looking up.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** he has quite the aim, to toss that eraser straight at Lance’s forehead.

 **Pidgeotto:** fuck I didn’t get a picture

 

 **They’re definitely planning something** [10:01am]

 _maybe they still won’t trust me_ [10:01am]

 _my intentions towards you are pure though_ [10:01am]

 **well** [10:02am]

 **hopefully… not too pure…** [10:02am]

 _oh Keith. You… you are quite something._ [10:02am]

 **learned from the best.** [10:02am]

 

_IllustriousAllura has joined the group chat “Shiro is the love of Keith’s life and it’s so fucking cute I’m dying”_

_Lance-has-many-things-to-do has changed their name to LanceALot_

**LanceALot:** EEYY Y ALLURA ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

 **IllustriousAllura:** hi guys! … Shiro and Keith are definitely cute but why do we need another group chat for it?

 **LanceALot:** too bad you aren’t in the same lecture as we are because you can’t witness Shiro’s sexting making Keith’s ears go all bright red

 **Pidgeotto** : I doubt they’re sexting, I don’t think I’ve ever even witnessed Keith jerking off, much less showing sexual interest in someone

 **LanceALot:** my sweet summer child, you have a lot to learn about guys

 **Pidgeotto:** no thanks

 **IllustriousAllura** : oh, oh my

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** we’re kinda thinking they need a little… push. You know?

 **IllustriousAllura:** what you are guys thinking?

 **LanceALot:** WELL …..

# September 16 th, 2016

 

 **Pidgeotto:** October’s a bad time for Keith so I don’t know, my dudes.

 **IllustriousAllura:** may I ask why it’s a bad time?

 **Pidgeotto:** that’s his business. He went through a very shitty thing a certain October and it kinda makes him very sullen through the entire month. I don’t think it’s good to push him during this time

 **LanceALot:** so do we put the plan on hold until we can gently, veeeery gently poke what Keith and Shiro’s feelings truly and honestly are??

 **Pidgeotto:** I’d say it’s better. You guys haven’t known him for as long as I have and really, I just. Don’t want any extra pressure on him. That’s why he’s taking less classes too and the first of October off.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** would he answer if we asked why?

 **Pidgeotto:** to be honest? I kinda doubt that. Try to understand.

 **LanceALot:** we’ll let him come to us :3

 **IllustriousAllura:** the more I listen, the more I feel that Shiro and Keith could be very good for each other. They’ve both been through some very dark times and could very well help each other recover.

 **Pidgeotto:** I’m beginning to think that too. Shiro seems like a genuinely nice guy.

 **LanceALot:** it helps that the man’s beautiful.

 **Pidgeotto:** Lance

 **LanceALot:** just saying!

# September 17 th, 2016

 

 _How was your exam? Thermodynamics, was it?_ [4:55pm]

 **I have never felt so braindead. I hope I pass**. [4:55pm]

 _I’m rooting for you! <3_ [4:55pm]

 **I know you are. <3** [4:55pm]

# September 18th, 2016

 

How’s Keith? [3:06pm]

 _uhhh ask him yourself??_ [3:06pm]

BRO I haven’t seen him all day and he hasn’t answered my texts [3:06pm]

and that’s not the point [3:06pm]

 _he’s as Keith always is. And no, still haven’t accidentally ran into him while he’s jerking off to Shiro’s muscles. Not like Hunk ran into you when you were jerking off to your ex’s dick pic._ [3:07pm]

HE TOLD YOU OH M Y GO D HUNK YOU JUDAS [3:07pm]

 _shit happens when you have a dick,_ Lancelot [3:08pm]

well I can’t deny that [3:08pm]

 _Shiro and Keith talk on the phone every evening. It’s kinda sickeningly adorable. Keith told me they’ve even been talking via video calls._ [3:09pm]

OHH is Shiro as hot in motion as he is in his old pics [3:09pm]

WAIT why is he reluctant to show his face now ?? what’s up ??? [3:10pm]

 _Judging from Keith’s lovestruck look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Shiro’s face aside from apparently being too handsome for words._ [3:10pm]

Keith you lucky dog [3:10pm]

# September 19th, 2016

 

 **I’m gonna go somewhere on the first of October. I don’t think I’ll… be able to use the phone much. I’m sorry in advance.** [6:34pm]

 _Okay._ [6:34pm]

 **Aren’t you going to ask** [6:34pm]

 _I didn’t tell you where I went when I vanished on you weeks ago_ [6:35pm]

 **are we back to the owing each other something again?** [6:35pm]

 _it’s not that_ [6:35pm]

 _I’m not your keeper, sweetheart. You’re free to go as much as you wish. You’re free to tell me if you don’t wish me to call you or text you._ [6:36pm]

 **I always want you to text and call me. You ground me.** [6:36pm]

 _Okay. : )_ [6:36pm]

 _You mean a lot to me, you know that, right?_ [6:36pm]

 **Yeah. <3** [6:37pm]

 _< 3_ [6:37pm]

# September 20th, 2016

 

Keith? I haven’t heard from you. Are you okay? [12:00am]

Look at me, already crowding you. [12:00am]

It’s just that I kind of missed your good morning-text. I hope you at least got mine! [12:01am]

 

_CaliforniaDreamin joins the group chat “These Essays Are Killing Me Slowly”_

[3:05pm]

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** Um… hey guys. Have you seen Keith today?

 **Pidgeotto:** yeah

 **IllustriousAllura:** to think of it, I have not. Is he okay?

 **Pidgeotto:** he’s got a fine case of fever, migraine and a bunch of anxiety attacks so he’s spending the next night too at the infirmary. His phone is with me. Don’t worry, Shiro, I didn’t read your texts. I don’t even know Keith’s PIN. He’s really really sick. :/

 **LanceALot:** ohh boi why didn’t u tell me earlier I could have visited ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ

 **Pidgeotto:** he doesn’t want company when he’s sick. And besides, the nurse’s enough. It’s better he just sleeps it off.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** I was wondering why you were carrying so many notebooks.

 **Pidgeotto:** he’d kill me if I didn’t take notes for him. I wish he’d take his laptop to classes but then again, it’d probably shut down in like fifteen minutes. That thing’s as old as the stone ages.

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** oh dear. I’m glad it’s nothing worse. I was beginning to get worried.

 **Pidgeotto:** sorry, it’s been so busy all day that I haven’t had the time to really focus on anything but school :/ I would have texted you  earlier

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** it’s fine, Pidge. I’m just glad to hear there’s no other reason Keith’s not answering me all of a sudden..

 **LanceALot** : don’t ya worry my dude, I think Keith would rather chew off his own leg  than be rid of you. He’s been such a sappy little shit over his phone for the past few weeks that we’re all kind getting sick of it

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** :D I’m… sorry? I guess I’m at fault if he’s ignoring you all.

 **Pidgeotto:** nah it’s good he’s focusing on feeling good for once

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** I like making him happy.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** How are you a real person Shiro

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** well, I was born from a mother and a father and then…

 **LanceALot:** You. I like you.

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** ;)

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** please give Keith my regards as soon as possible. I don’t like to think of him all alone.

 **LanceALot:** you two bring a tear to my eye.

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** I like him a lot, guys.

 **IllustriousAllura** : I’ve never heard of you so … content before, Shiro.

 **CaliforniaDreamin:** : ) it’s a refreshing feeling. Now I really gotta run. Bye guys!

_CaliforniaDreamin is offline._

_I wish you better health, sweetheart. Sleep well._ [10:30pm]

# September 21 st , 2016

 

 **I’m back at my dorm room, still kinda dizzy and stuff so I think I’ll try to use as little of my phone as possible. but I had to see what you’d written and I just** [11:00pm]

 **I like you I like I like you a lot** [11:02pm]

 **good night Shiro** [11:02pm]

# September 22 nd, 2016

 

 _I dreamed of you, Keith. I think. It was nothing but a flash and more like a memory than anything. But I know it was you. I wish… I wish you were here._ [05:37am]

 

 _Good morning, Keith. It’s very sunny today. I didn’t listen to David Bowie this morning but instead I listened to Fleet Foxes._ [6:50am]

 

 **I wish I were there too. Or you were here. Good morning/afternoon <3**[10:24am]

 _hello and good afternoon <3 how are you feeling today? any better?_ [10:24am]

 **yeah, I think it’s just like, this month and the day trip and all. stress-based headaches  I think. I tend to get sick at this time of the year anyway. I’m still bedridden though. :/** [10:26am]

 _That’s too bad because my day is very full. This is pretty much the only reprieve I get before very late evening. : ( but you can keep texting me, sweetheart. I’ll read them!_ [10:26am]

 **okay. I think I’ll mostly just nap. I’m woozy**. [10:27am]

 

 **Y eah. I napped. Pidge came by and brought me chocolate. Mint. <3 She always says the amount of hearts I use in my texts nowadays is worrying her but I think she’s just being an ass.** [1:03pm]

 

 **I ate half of it. The temptation to finish the whole bar is strong. Goddammit, Pidge.** [1:30pm]

 

 **I’m watching some martial arts-movie. My brain is full of cotton balls. Have you done martial arts? Did I ask you that already? I did, didn’t I. You make me feel stupid, Shiro. Not like, in a bad way like college sometimes makes me feel but in a good way. Like carefree.** [2:44pm]

 

 **I already miss seeing your face. I think I want to kiss it. Your face. I mean.** [4:00pm]

 **Before you ask, yes I’ve eaten. Noodles. Can’t really stomach much else, throat feels like razorblades.** [4:02pm]

**I can’t stop thinking about the daytrip it’s….** [5:34pm]

 **Pidge generally comes with, her dad drives. He’s pretty cool.** [5:34pm]

 **it’s… well. It’s to the orphanage I grew up in. Of course orphanages aren’t nowadays really called orphanages but that’s what they are. I only do it once a year because that place saved me.** [5:36pm]

 **I’ve never been particularly suicidal but … it was.. this is hard to talk about even through a text. Even when it’s been years.** [5:37pm]

 **Anyways. I tried to kill myself on October. Fuck, it’s been… seven years? Six? I can’t even remember. But I remember that after that I just can’t go through this whole month without a reminder of what made me bounce back. Aside from Pidge, obviously.** [5:38pm]

 **yeah, that’s my big secret.** [5:39pm]

 **it wasn’t because of the stabbing, that was a different month in a different year, it’s just my shitty luck they were months that are side to side but yeah… I was. well. that was the worst family they put me in and the last one before the Holts took me in.** [5:41pm]

 **(I didn’t live with them for long though before I decided to try to find work)** [5:41pm]

 **fuck I can’t** [5:41pm]

 

Out-going call to: **Pidge**

_“Keith?”_

“I tried to…” his breathing sounds ragged, his voice rough and scratched. Pidge’s voice gets stern instantly. The kind of stern that’s not frightening, not commanding. Just the sterness of a concerned friend. It’s not quite the same as Shiro but Keith lets her voice drift into him anyway.

_“Are you in our room?”_

“Y-yeah.”

_“What were you doing?”_

“I-I was texting Shiro, he’s so busy he said he can’t be on his phone until like, late evening and  I just… started thinking if I could tell him about October and the Larssons.”

_“Did he ask you about it?”_

“N-no, I-i-I- wanted … I want to tell him everything. Pidge, it’s hard to breathe.” He lets out a horrifying, ragged wheeze. Pidge sighs and then her voice turns softer.

_“It’s alright, Keith. You are alright. Tell me what do you feel right now. Five things.”_

“Softness. I-I- fuck-“ Keith draws air to his desperate lungs. “Cotton. I think i-it’s cotton. Under my hands and head. W-weight in my heart. Like a rope wrapped around my neck, s-squeezing.” He swears inside his head, hears long-gone whispers and shouts and the distant, distant crackle of electricity. He never did forget the pain, both inside and outside. “I-I can’t-“

_“Alright, Keith. It’s alright. What do you hear?”_

“My own b-breathing. Y-your voice.” Keith smacks his dry lips. Forces his eyes open. He listens. “I think they’re playing outside. Football?”

_“Good, very good. You’re doing so good, Keith. What can you see? Focus on anything you can see. You don’t have to move if you’re laying down.”_

Keith inhales. Exhales. Listens to Pidge inhale, exhale. Slowly, slowly. He rubs his tired eyes.

“The corner of your table. Your bed. It’s so messy, Pidge.” His stutters fade, to be replaced by exhaustion. Pidge huffs. “Your posters, Katey. Spacey Katey,” Keith murmurs, calls forth the old nickname from years past that neither has heard for a long time. Pidge huffs again.

 _“We’re not elementary schoolers anymore, Grumpy Cat Keith,”_ she huffs but there’s not a shred of malice. She isn’t Shiro but she doesn’t have to be. Hers was one of the hands that pulled Keith to safety.

Keith inhales. Exhales. Closes his eyes again. “Why doesn’t my brain let me tell him? I know he won’t judge me. I know he’d understand. The things he’s gone through.”

_“You’ve only known for like two months. You don’t have to tell him everything at once. It seems he likes you enough already.”_

Keith swallows, the lump in his aching throat hard. “And I like him. It burns and it makes me freeze but it feels so good. I want to see him. I want to meet him. I told him- oh god, I fucking texted him that I want to kiss him. Damn my fever-addled brain, what the hell.”

Pidge lets out a cackle at that. _“Better let out everything that’s on your heart, Keith_.” She sighs, softly in his ear. _“Let this thing between you and Shiro proceed on its own time. You’ll know when it’s the right time to tell him about October and the Larssons. Yeah?”_

“Yeah.”

 _“Besides-“_ and now Pidge’s voice turns mischievous. _“I think that guy’s completely into you so I don’t think he minds a little fantasy about smooching.”_

“As if,” Keith grumbles but only to cover up the hitch in his breath. He ends the call after a couple of minutes of meaningless chatter and burrows himself deeper under his covers.

He completely misses Shiro’s answer arriving a couple of hours later as a deep sleep overtakes Keith’s exhausted body.

 

 

 _I don’t want to kiss just your face, sweetheart. I wonder if you would squirm if I kissed you everywhere._ [8:55pm]

 _Are you okay?_ [8:56pm]

 _I texted Pidge. Apparently you had another anxiety attack. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m so sorry. I’m glad she was though and that you’re sleeping properly._ [8:58pm]

 _I too want to see your face_. [8:59pm]

 _don’t be hasty in telling me everything. Talking about something traumatic always takes its time. Take your time, sweetheart. <3_ [9:00pm]


	11. a glimmer of something quite like hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People talk a lot. Keith finally confesses to Shiro what happened to him during one particularly awful autumn. Keith keeps on crying because he finally is allowed to.
> 
> Please heed the chapter-warnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you remember when in chap 6 shiro told keith about his friend... i went back to rewrite the timeline as happening close to three years ago and not five so it'd make more sense for Shiro to have only been at the Academy for a year and a half (his whole sentence being close to three)
> 
> tl;dr Shiro and Thace with their group of friends get wasted as fuck during a Christmas-party at December 2013. Shiro accidentally fatally wounds Thace who dies from his wound the same night. Shiro gets charged with manslaughter first but then it's changed to negligent homicide. The whole process takes month. He goes to the Galra Academy around Autumn 2014 and has been there ever since. Cue him never having the time to heal and being isolated from his friends. 
> 
> ps. Shiro and Thace were both like 19 so they'd be doing their army service anyway  
> Ps. I know the sentence for negligent homicide changes a lot from state to state so I went kinda middle ground. (it's pretty much nothing here in Finland but as this is for some reason set in the USA...)  
> ps. Everybody knows hazing happens but nobody outside knows just how violent it is: the upperclassmen were particularly cruel towards Shiro because they saw him as an easy target because of Shiro's deeds/his sensitivity/his race etc. I figured he wouldn't have had his phone through the entirety of his first year/most of it before he earned some priviledges aka having a phone. 
> 
> this is the longest chapter note i'm sorry but tbh not all of this is eve
> 
> ps. this is why you don't write when you're as exhausted as i am :( 
> 
> ALSO TW for this chapter include talk about a suicide attempt, conversion therapy with a heavy dose of homophobia, talk about cutting

# September 23rd, 2016

 

 **my fever’s turning my head into mush but** [1:02pm]

 **I want to touch you** [1:02pm]

 **just… you look like you give good hugs** [1:02pm]

 **and other stuff…** [1:02pm]

 _I wish you better health, sweetheart. <3 Please rest! _[1:14pm]

 _I promise to hug you the instant we meet face to face for real. If you permit it, I would like to kiss you too._ [1:14pm]

 _Anything you want, Keith._ [1:14pm]

 

 **pidge he says he wants to kiss me help** [3:50pm]

 _why aren’t you sleeping, you looked like death this morning_ [3:51pm]

 **but I’ve been sleeping allll day I’m bored ;_;** [3:51pm]

 **and I can’t focus when all I see is how beautiful he is g  od** [3:51pm]

 _You’ll see him, I promise. Then you can go suck your faces off and be adorable somewhere. Okay?_ [3:52pm]

 **he’s the one who’s adobrale** [3:52pm]

 ***adorable** [3:52pm]

 **we’ve talked on skype, like videocall and that’s just not enough because his face and his voice combined makes me wanna ahsfklsk** [3:52pm]

 _you two are a rom-com come to life_ [3:53pm]

 **mmmm** [3:53pm]

 _you know I’m screenshotting this convo so I can blackmail u with it_ [3:53pm]

 **I don’t careee** [3:53pm]

 _sleep, you fever-brain_ [3:53pm]

 **I told Shiro he looks like he gives good hugs and he promised to give me a hug** [3:54pm]

 _adorable_ [3:54pm]

# September 24 th, 2016

 

 **How’s Keith? I went by your room this morning but I guess you both were still asleep and he doesn’t reply to anything again… please teach him one day to release his friends from our worries by actually replying to messages** [12:04am]

 _I think his fever has gone down again. I hope it stays down for good, he’s a pain when he’s sick. He refused to go back to the infirmary. Dude, I’m not his keeper_  [12:04am]

 **let me guess, because the nurse doesn’t like phones?** [12:04am]

 _mm mm_ [12:04am]

 **What are we gonna do about Plan Help Shiro and Keith meet? Still keeping it on hold?** [12:05am]

 _yea. Keith’s feeling pretty bad. Also there’s the fact that we need to talk to Shiro. As far as Allura knows, Shiro’s been in some sort of a detention facility for like a year and a half so he doesn’t really get vacations but he can get some days off now that he’s gone through half of his sentence_ [12:05am]

 **wait… sentence??** [12:05am]

 _whoops. well… like Allura said, it’s none of our business. He’d be in prison if he was a criminal . Shit happens, Hunk and sometimes even nice people pay for it._ [12:05am]

 **The fact that he uses his phone pretty freely does make it seem more like a school than anything… but still.** [12:06am]

 _I’d say Shiro would rather die than let something happen to Keith at this point so I don’t think we have to worry. Shiro’s as into Keith as Keith is into him. I’ve heard enough of their phone convos to know that_ [12:06am]

 _If we’re really curious, we can ask Shiro. He can answer if he wants to. I would think that you should know by now that not everyone likes sharing everything about them_ [12:06am]

 **yeah I know. It’s just a little startling to realize how little I actually know about Keith- how much less I know about Shiro. I mean, of course I think of Keith as my friend but he has a lot of baggage and I wish we were closer friends so I could help share it.** [12:06am]

 _Keith’s like an onion. You gotta peel and peel and peel and then you’ll get to level 4 and unlock his tragic backstory_ [12:07am]

 _I mean him being an orphan  didn’t already clue you in that his life hasn’t exactly been easy_ [12:07am]

 **yeah well… I’m worried.** [12:07am]

 _go by our room later on and bring him some chocolate. Maybe you two could talk or something._ [12:07am]

 

[3:17pm]

The careful knock is what wakes Keith from his exhausted slumber. He’s burrowed up in blankets, the Lord of the Rings tucked under his arm, his face creased by his pillow and the light shining straight into his eye. His phone has stayed silent.

“Wha-“ he blinks, rubs his eyes as he stumbles up from his bed. Someone knocks on the door again, then Hunk’s voice rings out, calling Keith’s name. “Just a sec, Hunk!”

Keith finds his sweatpants pushed under his bed and pulls them on, remembers to tuck down his shirt, even make sure he doesn’t actually look like the walking dead.

Only then he opens the door, only to be met with a smiling Hunk and a bar of –

 “Oh fuck, I love you,” Keith groans and accepts Hunk’s offering of a massive mint chocolate bar gladly.

“You too, man,” Hunk says cheerfully and follows Keith into the room. Keith’s hair is sticking up at the back of his head. His cheeks look sunken and his smile is faint but it is an honest one. Hunk hesitates, waits until Keith has settled on his bed, cross legged. His laptop is open next to him.

“What’s up, Hunk?”

“Everything okay with you, Keith?” Hunk sits next to Keith, watches him break a piece of the chocolate and happily munch it.

Keith raises an eyebrow. “Aside from still feeling dizzy, I’m fine. More or less. Why?”

Hunk fidgets. “I mean… everything okay with you and Shiro? You are aware of the facility he’s in, right?”

Keith stills. He looks away. “Who told you?”

Hunk hums. “Pidge. She said it’s some kind of a detention facility.”

“It’s not. Not really. It’s kind of like a training school for army cadets or something. Something happened that Shiro got blamed for and that he blames himself for and he volunteered for three years of torture-like training to become a soldier he doesn’t even want to be instead of ending up in prison or paying a fine he couldn’t afford.” Keith meets Hunk’s eyes. Hunk looks away first.

“Oh.”

“He’s been nothing but good to me, Hunk. I really like him. Can you trust my judgement of his character or not?”

 Hunk’s skin darkens more than usual. “Sorry, Keith. It’s not like I’m looking for things why Shiro could be bad for you. It’s just… you’ve become like another brother to me and I’ve seen my parents’ marriage fall apart because my mother wasn’t the person my father thought she was. And what Lance’s been through and- it’s like I keep forgetting you’re you instead of my father or Lance.” Hunk rubs his cheek. Smiles softly, a little bashful. Keith snaps himself another piece of chocolate, offers another to Hunk.

“Shiro’s not a criminal, Hunk. He did something terrible, yes, but that was a horrible, horrible accident that he still blames himself for.” Keith swallows. “He lost his arm because of that school.”

“What?” Hunk blinks.

Keith nods. “He only hides himself from the world because he thinks he’s too ugly to look at. Inside and outside.” Keith pulls his knees against his chest, wraps his arms around them. “He’s the most beautiful person I have ever seen, Hunk.”

Hunk’s lips twitch into a grin. “Pidge keeps saying you’re completely smitten, but holy shit, your face.” Keith shoves at Hunk’s shoulder. It does nothing as Hunk is much bigger, much better balanced and Keith is weak from his sickness and stress, but Hunk still pretends to fall over.

“Okay then, Keith. Just so you know, if you ever need me or any of us, me and Lance and Allura, just say the word, okay?” Hunk stands up, turns to look at Keith who’s looking back at him with such a wide-eyed expression that Hunk stills.

“What?”

Keith swallows. His smile is a tight, twitchy little thing. His eyes are red-rimmed. “Some years ago I had no one to care for me like that. I thought I could spent the rest of my life just caring about myself, doing everything just for myself, by myself. But here you guys are, all of you. Giving a shit about me. I don’t know … I don’t know how to handle it. And then there’s Shiro and he’s just. I think he’s as smitten with me as I am with me.”

That odd, sad silence on Keith’s face passes but Hunk has already memorized it, already wonders about it. Maybe it’s the thing with October that Pidge mentioned? Hunk sighs, decides against asking about it. Keith will tell him if he feels like it. Instead Hunk just lays a heavy hand on Keith’s shoulder and pats him.

“You’re our friend, Keith.”

 Keith rubs his nose. He puts the chocolate on the bed and gets up, wastes no time in wrapping his arms around Hunk for an embrace. Hunk only hesitates for a second, pats Keith’s back for good measure, gives it a rub, feels how tense Keith is.

“You’re not alone in any of this, okay? Whatever’s plaguing you, I’m sure we can always help. If with nothing else then at least by bringing you chocolate,” Hunk finally says when they part. Keith’s face is still a little red, his eyes a little wet.

“I’m glad we went to that first party together,” Keith huffs when he sits back down and pulls his laptop closer to himself. “I became friends with you. I sent my first texts to Shiro.”

 Hunk laughs. “The start of a great romance. Make sure to tell that your wedding guests.” He ruffles Keith’s hair and takes his leave with Keith’s tired smile lingering in his head.

# September 25th, 2016

 

 **pidge’s with me but it’s not enough this time and she’s so tired and I’m so tired and I just had a nightmare** [3:45am]

 **she says I should tell you what’s up with me** [3:45am]

 **but the last time I tried I had a full-blown panic attack and just** [3:46am]

 _do you want me to call you? Even if Pidge is with you?_ [3:46am]

 **please, u don’t even have to say anything** [3:46am]

 

_in-coming call: **Shiro :3** _

_“Hey, sweetheart.”_

“….” Keith’s head is against Pidge’s shoulder, Pidge’s skinny little arms clutched tightly around Keith’s shivering form. Keith’s eyes are squeezed closed. His old wounds throb, the ones that are in his body, the ones that in his head.

_“I’m sorry you had a nightmare. I’m here now, yes? You can hear me, yes?”_

“….” Keith tries to speak but his mouth refuses to co-operate, his voice stuck in his throat. His breath hitches. Pidge slides her hand into his hair and caresses him like comforting a frightened child. She says nothing for which Keith is grateful for.

_“It’s okay to not answer. Totally okay. I can hear you, sweetheart. Are you crying?”_

“Y-you’re not the only one who’s messed up.” The words are all stutter and anxiety, his cheeks already wet from frightened tears. His hand clutches Pidge’s arm a little too tight but she merely squeezes him tighter.

_“Well, it makes two of us then, doesn’t it? I don’t like you less because of this. Nothing you do or say will make me like you less. You know that, right, sweetheart?”_

“Shiro,” Keith stutters.

_“It’s okay, sweetheart. If you feel like crying, just cry. Hold onto Pidge, okay? do it for me. Oh, Keith. It breaks my heart to hear you so sad.”_

“S-sorry.”

Pidge scoffs. Keith rubs his nose against her shoulder. Shiro huffs in his ear, almost like he’s really there.

_“What did we talk about apologizing for things we have no control over? It’s okay, I’ll always make time for you, sweetheart. One day, one day… one day I’ll be the one holding you, alright?”_

Keith inhales, exhales. Nods.

“Use your words, dumbo,” Pidge murmurs against his hair. She sounds half-asleep. Keith gently kicks at her leg.

“Y-yeah, Shiro. I’d like that. I’m glad I got both you and Pidge here with me.” His voice still shivers, he hiccups, lets out a shaky breath but at least the tears have stopped falling.

_“It’s because we are your friends, sweetheart. It’s because I want nothing but the best for you, I want you to be okay and feel safe.”_

Keith sniffles. “I like you so much, Shiro.”

 _“I like you too, sweetheart.”_ How gently that voice purrs into Keith’s ear, nudging Keith even further away from the edge of the shadowy nightmare pressing heavy on his eyelids.

For a moment they do nothing but breathe, in and out. In and out. Keith listens to Pidge’s steady breathing, a telltale sign of her already falling back asleep. Keith listens to Shiro’s breaths, no longer as ragged as they were before. Keith’s own eyelids feel heavy.

_“How do you feel? Any better?”_

“I wish you were here,” Keith murmurs. “You have my… permission.. t-to … kiss me.” His phone slips from his slack hand as sleep drags him down again.

_“Keith?”_

_“Did you fall asleep?”_

_“Oh, sweetheart. I hope you sleep well. One day I will be there in person, by your side.”_

# September 26 th, 2016

 

 **I have never been suicidal after that but these days, always these days** [6:34am]

 **it’s like a dark cloud hanging over me, weighing me down, like someone’s hand is clutching at my throat** [6:34am]

 **do bad memories ever get easier to remember** [6:34am]

 _I wish I could say they could._ [6:35am]

 _Hang in there, sweetheart. I am here for you. <3_ [6:35am]

# September 27th, 2016

 

 **it was** [3:06pm]

 **when I was with the Larssons** [3:06pm]

 **they seemed nice at first** [3:06pm]

 **hardcore Christians and all but you know, I just wanted a family** [3:07pm]

 **this was before I came to the realization I needed to this shit on my own** [3:07pm]

 **don’t reply anything to me yet** [3:07pm]

 **that family** [3:07pm]

 **they’re the reason why I tried to kill myself** [3:07pm]

 **I have scars like you so I guess that makes two of us again yea** [3:08pm]

 **I had just come to the realization that I might be gay, I had never been attracted to girls or anything, well not to guys either but I had noticed my fantasies tended to have to do with guys usually** [3:08pm]

 **I can barely see the screen I’m crying again, I’m really a mess** [3:08pm]

 **but you can guess where this is going** [3:08pm]

 **that summer the larssons, a nice white mother and a white father and nice two white daughters and me, a half-blooded abomination, especially since they saw me blowing a classmate** [3:09pm]

 **the funniest thing was that I don’t even remember that boy’s face or name** [3:09pm]

 **I was nothing but an experiment for him anyway** [3:09pm]

 **he’s not the point** [3:10pm]

 **the point is that they sent me to a camp** [3:10pm]

 **I spent two months listening to what an abomination I am in God’s** **eyes, yeah, you can guess what those months were, September and October. October the worst because they started so innocently but then it got progressively just so much worse….**

 [3:10pm]

 **in every human’s eyes** [3:10pm]

 **I was beaten, spat on, beaten again, denied food and drink, forced to try to feel a shred of attraction towards women, everytime I did something they deemed too faggoty, whenever I just breathed wrong, whenever I just existed** [3:10pm]

 **they all painted it as helping me, curing me** [3:10pm]

 **I was fifteen**. [3:11pm]

 **I was not a child to the Larssons, I was an experiment. Did you know that they get paid like, child benefits if they adopt an orphan** [3:11pm]

 **I was scrawny as fuck and already angry** [3:11pm]

 **they hated my tears** [3:11pm]

 **real men don’t cry** [3:11pm]

 **did you know that it took me three years to shed another tear?** [3:12pm]

 **real men don’t cry but here I am, sobbing in the toilets** [3:12pm]

 **they pushed and pulled at me until it took me forever to accept that I can’t stop feeling what I feel** [3:12pm]

 **I sliced my wrists open at the end of that two months** [3:12pm]

 **Pidge is the biggest reason why I didn’t succeed, as is the orphanage matron. The camp counsellors didn’t give a shit. I was doing god’s will by removing my filthy existence from the equation** [3:12pm]

 **I was fucking fifteen** [3:12pm]

 **the matron died two years ago. I still go bring flowers to her grave**. [3:13pm]

 **I like to think she’d be proud of me.** [3:13pm]

 **I never did try again but I did cut myself. It was so stupid. Sometimes I still… but I haven’t done it again** [3:13pm]

 **I can’t** [3:13pm]

 **are you there, Shiro? please tell me it’s a good thing I’m still alive** [3:14pm]

 **Shiro?** [3:16pm]

 **if you’re not by your phone it’s okay, Pidge is just a phone call away and I think I can trust Hunk and Lance with my snotty face and all but oh-** [3:16pm]

[3:16pm]

 **shiro** [3:16pm]

 _I am in awe of your courage, sweetheart. It is absolutely a good thing that you are alive, that you smile, you laugh, you cry, you feel with all the power of that beautiful, wonderful heart. You, Keith Kogane, are a badass survivor and I’m hoping I could be there right now to hug you, to do anything to make you feel better. The fact that you let yourself feel these things is wonderful, that you did not let what those fuckfaces said at their camp destroy you. The fact that you are here, that you were born, that you breathe and live and love and study and text me is a miracle and I am overjoyed to know you and to like you and tease you until you blush and stutter and hide behind your beautiful, beautiful hands._ [3:20pm]

 **shiro I** [3:20pm]

 _I can’t tell you what to feel or how to act, but I can tell you that I’m proud of you for continuing living. I’m proud of you for waking up in the morning. I’m proud of you that you’re studying something you clearly enjoy. I’m proud of you that you have gotten amazing friends. I’m proud of you that you have taken me into your heart. That you have given me a chance. I’m so so proud of you that you let yourself cry and feel and I adore you, sweetheart, my tender, lovely Keith_ [3:22pm]

 **fff stop my emotions are already a mess and now I’m blushing and crying and laughing and I can’t** [3:22pm]

 _< 3 thank you for telling me. I know it must be incredibly hard to even remember such an awful thing. So proud of you that I can barely bear it. <3_ [3:24pm]

 **y-yeah it’s hard but** [3:24pm]

 **I’m glad I told you** [3:24pm]

 **it’s like this huge lump inside me and telling you kinda, chipped a part of that away I think** [3:24pm]

 **fuck let me wipe my face for a thousand times and blow my nose and feel more like a human being** [3:25pm]

 _then again, feelings are what makes us human, aren’t they? ;)_ [3:25pm]

 **you are impossible, how did you make me smile after that how** [3:25pm]

 _so glad I did <3_ [3:26pm]

 **I’m proud of you too you know** [3:26pm]

 **you told me about Thace** [3:26pm]

 **and the Academy** [3:26pm]

 _thank you <3_ [3:27pm]

 _can I … if it helps you in any way, can I ask you to tell me about the Matron? You seemed to like her a great deal_ [3:27pm]

 **oh yeah I did! I do** [3:27pm]

 **everyone always says halfway homes and such are kinda, well, what they are but Minerva genuinely gave a shit, like she was genuinely everyone favourite grandma, stern yet loving and even the moodiest teens were super fond of her because she liked to play football with them even when her health started to go and all** [3:28pm]

 **fuck it makes me cry again** [3:28pm]

 **my eyes hurt** [3:28pm]

 _but you feel better?_ [3:28pm]

 **Y-yeah, I do** [3:28pm]

 _good. I’m glad you reached out to me, sweetheart. <3_ [3:29pm]

 **shiro** [3:29pm]

 _yes?_ [3:29pm]

 **you called me your Keith** [3:29pm]

 _oh… should I not have? I’m sorry._ [3:30pm]

 **NO** [3:30pm]

 **I mean YES** [3:30pm]

 **I mean** [3:30pm]

 **I said before** [3:30pm]

 **that you make me feel safe. It’s that it feels like you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. That you’d keep me safe. That you understand.** [3:31pm]

 **I think I said it earlier but I … I wouldn’t mind if I was yours. Your Keith.** [3:31pm]

 **I’m sorry I was supposed to talk about the Matron but now I’m dreaming about you again** [3:31pm]

 _I don’t mind ;)_ [3:32pm]

 **you are so sly** [3:32pm]

 _< 3_ [3:32pm]

 **…. hmph <3** [3:32pm]

 

# September 28th, 2016

 

 _You sure you wanna do this alone this year?_ [2:03pm]

 **Yeah. Your parents have done so much for me that I just… I think it would be good to do this on my own this time.** [2:03pm]

 **also.. Pidge I told Shiro** [2:03pm]

 **about the Larssons and everything** [2:03pm]

 _oh? How did he take it?_ [2:04pm]

 **he managed to make me smile, blush and laugh through crying so there’s that** [2:04pm]

 _I’m gonna have to send that guy a nice bottle of wine or something these days_ [2:04pm]

 **I told him that I wouldn’t mind being his** [2:05pm]

 _you sly dog_ [2:05pm]

 **I never thought my life could have this** [2:06pm]

 **that someone as good would like me back, would be proud of me for surviving** [2:06pm]

 _do you see it now? what I’ve been trying to tell you for fucking forever?? that you’re worth of all of it ALL OF IT_ [2:07pm]

 **I’m beginning to …. I think. yeah.** [2:08pm]

 _please don’t let Shiro go I think I love him_ [2:08pm]

 **dibs** [2:08pm]

 _damn_ [2:08pm]

 

# September 30th, 2016

 

 _Text me once you can, okay? Where are you staying?_ [6:30pm]

 **The orphanage always has a few spare rooms**. [6:30pm]

 **I’ll text you. I promise. Sorry that my train is leaving so early in the morning. I’ll keep my phone open for your morning run-picture though. I think it gives me… well, it gives me strength.** [6:31pm]

 _You are so strong, sweetheart. <3_ [6:31pm]

 **< 3** [6:31pm] **__ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> requests, comments, concerns etc if you notice anything wonky/weird, hit me up @ soundlessrooms.tumblr.com yoo


	12. the things Keith left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith visits a grave and sees someone from his past. The others text and talk and deal.

# October 1st, 2016

 

_RisingShiro has joined the group chat ”COME BACK SOON KEITH U ARE GREAT XOXOXO”_

[1:15pm]

 **RisingShiro** : the name once again your doing, Lance?

 **LancingWithTheStars:** HOW DID U KNOW

 **RisingShiro** : had a hunch.

 **LancingWIthTheStars:** about that... how are you holding up? me and Hunk only heard of Keith’s yearly day trips like a couple of days ago and we’re worried and ready to hug Keith until he hateloves us again

 **RisingShiro:** that’s… nice of you to ask, Lance. I’m quite alright. Keeping busy. The others… aren’t online apparently?

 **LancingWithTheStars:** Hunk’s lurking, I KNOW YOU ARE and Allura’s off in her student council-duties but I think Pidge is taking the day off for herself too. She apparently usually goes with Keith to his trips but this time he decided to go alone. It’s kinda worrisome especially with the way Keith’s been for the past few days

 **RisingShiro:** I’ve noticed his mood being kind of bad… but we’ve had some pretty heavy talks though. He seems to be receptive to my attentions though.

 **LancingWithTheStars:** d’awwww oh boi believe me Keith would climb u like a tree if he could right now

 **RisingShiro:** He is very small compared to me, after all.

 **LancingWithTheStars** : omg

 **RisingShiro:** get your mind out of the gutter, please.

 **LancingWithTheStars:** sorry. My mind’s always in the gutter. L It was born there.

 **RisingShiro:** J

 **RisingShiro:** Anyhow. I’m sure Keith will be fine once he returns. I think he just needs some space.

 **LancingWithTheStars:** did he tell you where he’s going?

 **RIsingShiro:** yeah

 **LancingWithTheStars:** oh man. I almost feel bad for teasing him so much. I didn’t know he was an orphan. I’m so lucky to have a huge family. Well, my blood relatives and you guys of course being my second family

 **RisingShiro:** … me as well?

 **LancingWithTheStars:** well you’re basically my brother-in-law already so

 **RisingShiro:** :D let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

 **LancingWithTheStars:** he really likes you, Shiro.

 **RisingShiro:** I like him too. : ) I would never do anything to hurt him, never intentionally. God help me but I can see myself falling in love one day. Maybe sooner than I will even notice.

 **LancingWithTheStars:** !!!

 **LancingWithTheStars:** so can I already start planning the wedding or

 **RisingShiro:** You are a very good friend to have, Lance.

 **LancingWithTheStars:** don’t compliment me I can’t deal with compliments from good looking hunks like you DON’T WORRY HUNK YOU’RE MY ONLY HUNK BRO BABE

 **RisingShiro:** aww.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** I was worried there for a second

 **LancingWithTheStars:** YOU LIVE

 **TheIncredibleHunk** : Iverson’s gonna kill me if he notices me texting

 **LancingWithTheStars:** don’t die ;_; ALSO SHIRO

 **RisingShiro:** ?

 **LancingWithTheStars:** there’s this thing we gotta talk about but Allura will call you or text you or something. We wanna do something nice for Keith sooooo yeah don’t let your phone out of your sight!!!

 **RisingShiro:** oh dear. Have fun, guys. It’s about time I head off to training but… I will keep my phone close. :’)

_RisingShiro is offline_

**TheIncredibleHunk:** so before Christmas is good, yea?

 **LancingWIthTheStars:** looks like it. Just imagine it, Keith thinks he’ll have to wait until Shiro’s sentence is over but little does Keith know his prince is about to arrive on a white horse…..

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** or more like, a bus or something

 **LancingWIthTheStars:** sssh also apparently a court-ordered officer is gonna have to come with him but GUESS WHAT that dude is PIDGE’S BROTHER

 **TheIncredibleHunk** : wait what

 **LancingWithTheStars:** idk if it’s parole officer or something but Allura has gotten in touch with her dad and as her dad is one of the funders for Shiro’s freako military school-thingy he knows his shit and so he told that the students- like they aren’t fucking prisoners- can leave if they are second-years for a few days but they have to be accompanied by a parole officer. Apparently this Matt Holt has been in the Academy for like six years and is the only person that Shiro vaguely knows is not a murderous fucking asshole

 **TheIncredibleHunk** : oh damn. I didn’t know Pidge had a brother

 **LancingWithTheStars:** well we don’t know everything about our friends. And it’s not like we have really talked about our families, all caught up in this Shiro  & Keith-thingy and stuff

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** you’re pretty much the only one who has talked about his family

 **LancingWithTheStars:** what can I say, the Sanchez household is the epitome of Beauty Brains and Brawn etc

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** mm mm

 **LancingWithTheStars:** excuse you ON THAT NOTE we still on for our annual Christmas Texas-trip?

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** wouldn’t miss it. You sure your mom won’t mind if we bring two, errr, three?? extra guests

 **LancingWithTheStars** ; if those extra guests won’t mind  ;D  I’m sure Keith wouldn’t mind getting to sleep wrapped up in Shiro’s big muscly arms mmm mm mm m

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** lance

 **LancingWithTheStars:** :D

~

 _I hope you manage to say whatever you want to say to Matron Minerva. I don’t know if she hears but if she does and if she could… I think she’d be very proud of you. I’m proud of you. Come back to me soon._ [4:25pm]

~

_In-coming call from: **Allura**_

_“Heyyyy Shiro!”_

“Hi, Ali. Lance said you had something to tell me so I presume this is about it?”

_“Yesss. Are you free to talk?”_

“Yep, I’m done with training for the day. I have some free time before the evening run. So… what’s up? Is this what you have been doing with the others? Don’t think I don’t notice Lance’s winky faces in the group chats.”

_“Oh damn that Lance. Anyway. We’ve kinda been planning a surprise for Keith since he’s hit such a rough patch and all and because we adore him to bits.”_

“I kinda figured that out myself.”

_“Mm mm. So um. I’ve been talking to my dad and he agrees and all… You’d get five days off for a vacation of sorts. Probably even during this month!”_

“… to do what?”

_“To come here, of course!”_

“But the ticket? I can’t just leave the Academy.”

_“Well, that’s kinda the downside that you’d have to be accompanied by a parole officer.”_

“I didn’t think they’d be that lenient in letting me go. Although I am in my second year, I still have a year and a half left.”

_“It’s Matt Holt. Apparently our little Pidge has kept it secret that she has a brother she fell out of contact with and-“_

“Wait, Matt? Matt’s Pidge’s brother?”

_“A surprise for you too, huh?”_

“Yes. I’ve seen Matt a few times. We’re not exactly friends since I’m just a grunt and he’s been transferred to the officer’s quarters a long time ago but … yes. Um. The plane ticket? I think it’s under three hours from here to there but that’s not counting the trip from the Academy to the closest airport or-“

_“Take a deep breath, Shiro and calm down. We’re splitting the cost: me, Pidge, Hunk and Lance. If you want, you can fly out on the last week of October and you and Matt can stay at my parents’ place since it’s like, at no distance at all from the campus and and and. Yeah. Is it… is this too soon?”_

“I’m just thinking, Ali. It feels like my whole life is again pushed around and on its head, ever since Keith texted me and I texted him back and decided to show him my face and arm and all.”  

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite think if this was too much for you at once-“_

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Of course I’d like to come. Even if Matt is gonna be my shackle. But… I … I’ve been talking with Keith anyway and we’d like to meet. You guys would really do this for me? For us?”

_“Shiro, losing touch with you was one of the worst times of my life. I know that’s not saying much considering how much pain you’ve been through but I never want to have that happen again. You are my best friend and I love you and I would very much like to see you too after such a long time. And Lance and Hunk like you. Pidge likes you. And Keith.. Keith especially adores you so much it shows so clearly on his face that oh. Oh, Shiro. You should see his face, he’s practically glowing everytime he texts you or calls you. It’s adorable.”_

“I’d like  to see it in person.”

_“It can be arranged!!”_

“You did always make sure your plans went through, no matter what. Always the boss, wherever you go.”

_“Damn right! Especially when it comes to those I love. So you want to come, yes?”_

“Yes.”

_“Good!! Remember to not say anything about this to Keith, it has to be a surprise! Also promise me you’ll hug him real tight, okay?”_

“Ali, I’ve already promised to bring down the moon for him if he so wants me.”

_“When did you become such a sappy romantic, Shiro?”_

“When I begun to realize Keith likes me no matter what I’ve done or what I look like. When I saw what he looks like and how he talks and … everything. I’ve never been in love, Allura but I think I might begin to know what it means.”

_“Oh my god, never thought I’d hear those words out of your mouth, Takashi Shirogane! Oh damn, oh dear, I gotta run now but oh my god!”_

“Tone down with the squeals, Allura, please.”

_“I can’t!”_

“I love you too, Ali. Let’s talk more later, okay?”

_“Always! I’m sure Keith will text once he’s back home, he should soon be heading off to his train. Don’t worry!”_

“Your unending optimism gives me hope.”

_“That’s good!”_

“Bye now, Ali!”

_“Byeee!”_

~

 

 _I hope you get the pictures I sent you earlier. Nice view, isn’t it? Also I sent you a selfie. That’s less nice because of my utterly confused face but … yes. I’m thinking of you._ [8:10pm]

_~_

[9:27pm]

 

 **Pidgey:** hey Allura

 **AlluraInCollegeLand:** mm?

 **Pidgey:** you have a car, right? Keith just checked in with me. Apparently he would like a ride from the train station back to campus. Come with? It’s not gonna be for more than like twenty minutes until his train arrives.

 **AlluraInCollegeLand:** is that okay?

 **Pidgey :** I asked him already. He says it’s fine. As long as you don’t ask him about it.

 **AlluraInCollegeLand:** okay : ) Meet me in like um, five min by the front doors?

 **Pidgey:** thanks a lot, Allura. This means a lot.

 **AlluraInCollegeLand:** no prob  <3

 

[10:00pm, Hope Station]

Keith’s head swims. His neck aches from sleeping in a bad position on the uncomfortable train seat, his old scars have an odd phantom itch that he finds himself scratching before pulling back his fingers with a grimace. The trip might have been easier with Pidge, she might have gotten frustrated with his silence but she wouldn’t have prodded. She would have let him take his time.

He had taken his time. Had brought a bunch of flowers to Matron Minerva’s grave; all colours of the rainbow or as close to them as possible. Had said a few words. Had sat down on the cold hard ground and let himself cry. He had told her grey headstone that he had met someone and how good that someone had managed to make him feel.

He had opened his heart once more to the Matron and she had wiped his tears away with the softest whisper of wind. He had placed his flowers in the vase by her headstone, had tossed away the old, withered ones. Despite her already being gone for two years, her grave still sees itself remembered.

It had made Keith smile. He hadn’t been the only one who had found a parental figure in the Matron.

It had been a good feeling; the freedom in his limbs as he had gotten up from her grave and taken a walk through the headstones. He had let his gaze pass through names and dates, imagine the countless memories hidden under the dirt. The sadness had nibbled at his ankles, at his throat, at his old, old scars but he hadn’t let it bother him.

He had accepted it and pushed his hands into his pockets, curled them into fists and then opened them again. Back to fists. Then open. He had counted all the things he had seen and heard and smelled when he had stepped out of the graveyard and headed towards the nearest fast-food joint. He had counted his steps. Taken deep breaths. Imagined it had been Shiro guiding him with that honey-sweet voice. Imagined it had been Pidge by his side, the only touch between them being the brush of her arm against his.

It would have been all fine in the end if it wasn’t for _her._ She had been a scrawny teenager when Keith had last seen her, the younger of the two Larsson sisters and years had pushed her into the sort of sharp beauty that says enough of what kind of a soul she holds.

She shouldn’t have been there. The Larssons had been one state away, numerous years in the past. Not here. Not in Keith’s today, not in Keith’s good things.

His head had pounded as he had watched her walk right by his table at the fast-food place, watched her talk on her phone and chew on her gum. Her sharp nails had tapped impatiently at her bag. And he had just stared and stared and no longer felt like eating as he had remembered the looks this woman and her family had thrown at him when the truth had come out.

Keith still had taken his order from the counter, had avoided her gaze but hadn’t quite managed to avoid his own name being called out.

He had frozen by the door, looking back at Tina Larsson’s wide blue eyes. What hatred he had felt for her and her family hadn’t exactly dwindled over the years, it had just become dormant, turned into a simmering, ugly thing that brings itself a burst of the most awful nausea.

“Keith?” She had called out again.

He had said nothing. She hadn’t deserved his words. If it hadn’t been for the Matron and Pidge, he would have been dead after all.

So now Keith shivers as he gets out of the train back at the familiar Hope Station, close enough to the familiar sights and sounds of where he belongs. He shivers and thinks of those wide, wide eyes and her voice calling his name. She hadn’t forgotten. Keith hadn’t forgotten.

He tosses his bag over his shoulder and drags his feet towards the exit, eyes burning with tears he had shed over the day, mouth dry from the water he hadn’t drunk, throat aching from the food he hadn’t eaten. His stomach growls. He leaves it be, even as his steps waver.

He hadn’t taken out his phone again to see if Pidge had replied again. He had tossed the thing further into his bag, hidden it away to keep himself from calling Shiro.

Does Shiro get days like these? Does Shiro see something or someone and just… freeze?

The wind runs through the exit and the half-empty parking lot, tosses Keith’s hair hard against his face but he plows through it, squinting. Only belately he realizes he has no idea what kind of a car Allura has.

Then again, it seems he doesn’t have to worry because Pidge is waving the far side of the lot, looking particularly small next to a huge gleaming blue car. Idly Keith wonders what kind of a car it is, kind of sees the beauty in its sleek, smooth sides.

His feet still drag. His throat aches.

“Mm,” is all he says when he makes his way to them.

Pidge looks at him and reluctantly Keith meets her eyes.

“Tell me later, okay?”

Keith nods. She doesn’t touch him for which he’s grateful. He might shatter if he was touched right now anyway. He seats himself in the back and closes his eyes.

Neither of the girls turns on the radio. Neither of the girls speak through the entirety of the car ride. Then Allura’s voice rings through the haze in Keith’s head, apologetic and small:

“We’re here, Keith.”

Keith blinks. There is a persistent red haze around the corners of his eyes. He rubs them, sighing when it hurts. His head pounds.

“Mm,” he says again, the words refusing to come out.

“What he means to say is that thank you,” Pidge mutters. Allura must have nodded because Keith doesn’t hear her voice anymore.

He gets out of the car first, waits a moment until Pidge says her goodbyes to Allura and then lets Keith walk first towards the familiar looming sight of their dormitory.

Pidge still doesn’t speak or reach out to touch him. Keith remains grateful.

His heart thuds and thuds and thuds.

 

 _Pidgey_ _has joined the group chat ”COME BACK SOON KEITH U ARE GREAT XOXOXO”_

[10:40pm]

 

 **Pidgey:** I know like most of you guys are awake so don’t even pretend. Anyways me and Allura went to get Keith from the train station and he’s currently asleep. Leave him alone tomorrow, please. Something clearly happened because he’s been practically non-verbal all evening and I can only remember that happening a fucking forever ago. Just… let me handle this, okay? That means you too, Shiro. Unless he contacts you first. I don’t think he wants to get poked at anymore than necessary.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** : ( that sounds bad. I hope it’s nothing too bad?? Give Keith my well-wishes!!

 **Lancelot:** ohh boi I guess I gotta give him my hugs later then, I’ve saved up a lot of them.

 **DreaminShiro:** Okay. Thank you, Pidge.

 **Pidgey:** he’s my brother in all but a name. Better big brother than my actual big brother ever was anyway.

 **Lancelot:** YEAH ABOUT THAT

 **Pidgey** : it’s not like I kept Matt from you guys on purpose. It just didn’t come up. We used to be close but ever since he signed himself off to the Academy he isolated himself from the rest of the family soo… kinda not my fault. Also how the fuck didn’t Shiro realize, he’s the one who’s actually seen Matt.

 **DreaminShiro:** he lives in a different part of the Academy than me though.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** maybe hound Pidge about this later, Lance

 **Lancelot:** I’m not hounding, I’m just curious

 **Pidgey:** it’s fine, Hunk. Lance-a-lot, I will sate your thirst for knowledge later. Now I gotta crash and make sure Keith doesn’t sleepwalk his way into the wall or something.

 

_Pidgey is offline_

~

 **Don’t worry about me. Too much.** [3:02am]

 

 _I will worry a little, sweetheart. If you let me. <3_ [6:05am]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, I figured Garrison College is located somewhere in Arkansas, Galra Academy somewhere in California so the distance isn't that massive. Well, by plane that is. 
> 
> Next chapter: something actually happens.


	13. I think I'm falling for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith claws his way back to normal life. Shiro falls further. Days go by.

# October 2nd, 2016

 

 [4:15pm]

 **I don’t really drink coffee that much. But now I’ve drank close to five.** [4:15pm]

 **I’m trying to get some school work done at the library but I can’t decide on the music. You’ve got nice taste, any suggestions?** [4:16pm]

 **unless you’re somewhere obviously** [4:16pm]

 **I’m sorry I didn’t text this morning. I kinda… slept until ten. Have you ever been so deeply exhausted you just, you know, stop functioning** [4:17pm]

 _[these guys always help me focus!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GqgNebPm50&list=PL0yNmGX6ib0CI0AIB6bllqt8en52xYHf9&index=6)_ [4:17pm]

 _and yes, I’m well familiar with that feeling. I’m sorry you’re going through it._ [4:18pm]

 _Is there anything I can do to help_? [4:18pm]

 **I think I need to be on my own a little more… but you’re helping by existing. By being okay yourself.** [4:18pm]

 **I’m sorry. I’m just tired.** [4:19pm]

 _it’s okay. I understand. Take all the time you need for yourself. <3_ [4:19pm]

 **thanks. <3** [4:19pm]

# October 3rd, 2016

 

[6:25pm]

_Keith has joined the group chat “AAAAAAAAAAA”_

**Lance-a-lot:** Grumpy cat!

_Lance-a-lot has changed the group chat name into “KEITH IS BACK AND ALIVE YAY XOXOXOXO”_

**TheIncredibleHunk:** Keith!!

 **AliBaba:** ohh hello!

 **Pidgey:** weren’t you gonna sleep the whole day

 **DreaminShiro:** J heyyy!

 **Keith:** what a welcome. :D

 **Lance-a-lot:** I know we’ve visited your rooms like 3409340 times but STILL it’s like you’ve been DEAD

 **Keith:** just because I haven’t exactly been on my phone or my social media…

 **Lance-a-lot:** exactly

 **Keith:** no pidge I’ve been sleeping since I came back and I’m sick of it … also Lance I’m sorry I missed your birthday

 **Lance-a-lot** : it’s fiiine kittycat

 **Keith:** stop that

 **Lance-a-lot:** what :3

 **AliBaba:** just look at our insta-accounts or something, Keith. You’ll be glad you missed it.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** ohhh did you put up the video where.. oh god.. Keith you gotta watch it

 **Pidgey:** he doesn’t need to watch that shit

 **Keith:** I’m gonna watch that, well, shit

 **DreaminShiro:** they’ve been quite rowdy without you, Keith

 **Keith:** what kids

 **Lance-a-lot:** YOU’RE THE SAME AGE

 **Keith:** it doesn’t always seem like that

 **Lance-a-lot:** HEY

 **Keith** : :D

 **Pidgey:** well Keith’s always been an old man by heart so…

 **Keith:** pidge please

 **Lance-a-lot:** did keith at least check out Shiro’s new PICTURE I mean look at it LOOK your bf is a major hottie

 **DreaminShiro:** we’re not

 **Keith:** oh

 **Lance-a-lot:** whoops :D

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** Lance, the foot. In your mouth.

 **Lance-a-lot:** who says that was an accident 8)

 **Keith:** can u stop this Lance.

 **Lance-a-lot:** stop what?

 **Keith:** just.. ogling.

 **DreaminShiro:** Keith, it’s fine

 **Lance-a-lot:** OOH

 **Keith:** forget it

 **Lance-a-lot:** OOOOHHHHH

 **TheIncredibleHunk** : I think you broke Lance

_Keith is offline_

**DreaminShiro:** um

 **Lance-a-lot:** is he jealous tell me my instincts are wrong

 **DreaminShiro:** Lance, it’s fine. I don’t… really mind. You can say what you want. He can say what he wants.

 **AliBaba:** he likes you so much, Shiro.

 **DreaminShiro:** I know and it’s not that it’s just

 **Pidgey:** okay loverboy I’d tell you to go after him but as you’re far away from us I’ll just tell you to fucking call him

 **DreaminShiro:** okay

_DreaminShiro is offline_

**Lance-a-lot:** wait what did I say

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** um

 **AliBaba:** oh Shiro.

 **Pidgey:** maybe stop having Shiro as your fetish when this thing with him and Keith is still so fragile

 **Lance-a-lot:** hey it’s not like I mean to be a dick to them, I love them both

 **AliBaba:** I think it’s more to do with the fact that Shiro thinks he wouldn’t be a worthy boyfriend for Keith.

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** what, why?

 **AliBaba:** that’s years of low self-esteem, mostly self-induced isolation from your peers and a shitload of trauma for you

 **Lance-a-lot:** oh man

 **Pidgey:** so they’re both idiots

 **AliBaba:** :’) well, basically.

 

[7:01pm]

_Out-going call to: **Keith <3**_

It rings. And rings. And rings. Shiro fidgets. His mouth is dry. Is this going to be too much for Keith? Will Keith even answer? Is it even the same thing they’re both thinking of?

Will- _“Hey, Shiro.”_

“Keith,” Shiro breathes out, exhales softly. His shoulders relax. “Are you okay?”

 _“No. October blues_.” Keith’s rueful little laugh stings Shiro’s insides. He sighs, tugs his zipper all the way up as he makes his way out of the Academy-doors into the chilly evening air.

“I mean. The conversation just now.”

 _“I’m sorry.”_ Keith sounds so tired. Shiro can feel a dull ache somewhere in the vicinity of his heart. If only he could reach through the phone line.

“What are you apologizing for?”

_“It’s not like you can’t … of course you’re gonna get comments. Compliments. I’m not your… anything. I can’t have a say in it.”_

Shiro stills. Breathes the evening air in. “And here I was thinking that you abhor the idea of me as a boyfriend,” Shiro murmurs, continues to walk.

Keith scoffs. _“No!”_

Shiro wonders if he’s blushing. “No?”

 _“You- y-you’d make a good boyfriend. For… yeah_.” Keith clears his throat. _“For me,”_ he mutters then. Shiro almost asks if he’s blushing, if his cheeks are as cherry red as they are when they videochat each other. The thought of having such an effect on a person such as Keith is beyond intoxicating.

“I wouldn’t be able to begin a relationship until my sentence here is over though,” Shiro murmurs gently as he proceeds towards his usual route. “Because I think I would like to be yours, Keith.”

Keith makes the sweetest sound then, a gasp, a choked off little noise that Shiro wants to bottle up and keep forever. _“You would?”_

Gravel crunches under Shiro’s shoes. He smiles to himself. “Haven’t I made it clear? If you would have me, Keith Kogane, as I am and as you are, I would like to take you out one day.”

Keith exhales softly. _“I’d like that.”_

“Good. You’re not a coffee drinker and neither am I so perhaps tea would be in order. I don’t know yet where I’ll go after the Academy but if things work out, I might relocate closer to you.”

Keith makes that sound again, sweet and breathless and god, good god but Shiro wants to protect him, wants to be a shield between Keith and the world. It should startle him, the strength of his feelings but instead he begins to feel empowered.

“Keith?”

_“You’d do that? You could do that?”_

“If I can, I will. Money is obviously tight and I am not certain yet how the whole thing with the army works out yet but I kind of… don’t want to lose you. There are so many things that I want to tell you.” Shiro’s heart clenches painfully, his throat feels tight.

 _“Me too,”_ Keith mutters. _“Maybe… we should see each other in person first though before making plans to get married or move in.”_ The hint of humour in his voice is gone soon but it makes Shiro smile.

“We will, sweetheart. We will certainly see each other in person, see how we click outside of the zone of our phones. Then again… if you want to marry me, I wouldn’t object.”

Keith splutters. _“Just saying,”_ he manages. _“Thanks, Shiro.”_

“For what?”

_“For making me smile again.”_

Shiro has to stop his steps, has to press his free hand to his mouth to stop a grin from spreading. The warmth in his body is not from his movement. “I adore you, sweetheart.”

Keith exhales _. “I adore you too, Takashi.”_

Shiro presses a hand tighter against his mouth and inhales, exhales. _Takashi._

_“Was that… okay?”_

“The way you say my name makes me very happy, sweetheart.” _I adore you_ seems so inferior to the burn of the fire inside Shiro but it will have to do. “Say it again, please.”

Keith exhales again. He laughs. _“Takashi.”_

“If you won’t mind, I think I will kiss you the first thing when I see you in person.”

Keith splutters again. Shiro bites back a grin although there is no one around to see. “Are you blushing, sweetheart?”

Keith huffs. _“Yes.”_

“You are too cute.”

 _“I hate you,”_ Keith says but then he’s laughing, a soft, tired laugh but it’s another sound of Keith’s that Shiro wants to keep in a bottle and admire everytime he’s feeling sad. Shiro inhales, exhales. Listens to Keith breathing, then shifting. Speaking again. _“Um, that said… I think I’m going to go over this essay with Pidge and go to sleep early. I’ll be fine, Shiro.”_

“We’re all here for you, Keith.”

_“I know you are. Good night, Shiro.”_

“Good night, Keith.”

# ~

# October 4th, 2016

 

 **I’m so fucking done with essaysss kill me** [8:34pm]

 _I kind of need you so no._ [8:45pm]

 **oh god** [8:45pm]

 _< 3_ [8:45pm]

 

# October 5th, 2016

 

 **I like your new picture. Having such a view from your dorm room-window is enviable. We only have like, two trees.** [2:03pm]

 **hey do you like lions** [2:03pm]

 

 _lions are pretty fascinating. I like cats in general._ [2:55pm]

 **Cats feel relatable. I might get one once I graduate**. [2:55pm]

 _We could get one together._ [2:55pm]

 **I’d … I’d like that.** [2:55pm]

# October 6 th, 2016

hey you hey hey you better not go anywhere during 15th of this month or have anything in particular to do because Important Things Are Happening [12:00pm]

 **like what** [12:00pm]

Things, Keith, THINGS [12:01pm]

 **Lance I’m… I don’t really care for surprises. Especially during this time. I’m exhausted enough as it is.** [12:01pm]

You’ll like this one I swear!!! Keith baby kittycat kitten honey I will buy you lunch for a month if you keep your schedule free. FOR A MONTH [12:01pm]

 **you don’t have to do that** [12:02pm]

you really turning down free lunch who are you and what have you done with Keith [12:02pm]

 **I don’t have anything that day in the first place so there’s nothing to cancel** **anyway** [12:03pm]

 **also about the question of coming over on Christmas… if you guys really don’t mind, I’ll come. I’ll ask Shiro too**. [12:03pm]

YAssssss [12:03pm]

It’ll be amazing! [12:04pm]

 **you’re not gonna tell me what the surprise is about, aren’t you?** [12:04pm]

no 8D [12:04pm]

 **fine** [12:04pm]

# October 7 th, 2016

 

 _how are you today, sweetheart? I had a dream about you._ [6:15am]

 _A completely innocent dream, mind you. Your hair was just as silky as it looks. I hope you like cuddles in person too._ [6:15am]

 

 **I haven’t had a dream about you in a long time. Disappointed.** [8:15am]

 **I like cuddles. With the right person.** [8:15am]

Can we… video call today? [8:15am]

 _Of course. <3_ [8:16am]

~

[10:20pm]

 

“So you want me to leave the room,” Pidge grumbles from her bed. She’s squinting at her screen. Keith fidgets. Meets her eyes. Pidge huffs.

“It’s not like I wanna hear you two talk about how much you adore each other and all,” she says and takes her laptop as she stands up to go.

Keith clears his throat. “We don’t … whatever. Just go.” He opens up Skype. Presses Shiro’s name. Makes sure the webcam is still working.

Pidge huffs and walks to him, only to reach down to ruffle his hair and then swiftly avoid his swatting hand.

“Don’t worry, brother mine, I doubt Shiro will even notice. He’ll be too busy looking into your eyeees.”

Keith huffs and flips her off, listens to her cackle as she closes the door behind herself.

Keith then hears the tell-tale click of a call being connected. Smooths down his hair, tries to put it into some sort of a controlled mess instead of just a mess. Only belatedly realizing he’s only in his boxers and the loosest shirt he owns that keeps dropping off one shoulder.

Keith’s cheeks feel hot as Shiro’s webcam shows up, the man himself with his hair adorably ruffled and clearly in his night clothes as well.

 _“Hey, sweetheart,”_ Shiro purrs.

Keith’s toes curl and he smiles. “Hey, you goddamn tease.”

Shiro grins. Keith curls his fingers on his thighs. Sees how Shiro’s gaze flickers to his bare shoulder. Keith nibbles his lip.

 _“How are you?”_ Shiro leans on his hand. It’s the prosthetic one, the colour silver.

Keith aches. He looks down on his lap. “Better now with seeing you.”

Shiro laughs at that and Keith melts and melts and melts. “Don’t laugh.”

_“Sorry, sweetheart. You just make me so happy.”_

Keith hides his face behind his hands. Hears Shiro call out his name again. _“Please don’t hide your face from me, sweetheart. Let me see you.”_ Keith peeks through his fingers. His cheeks are obscenely warm. Shiro grins. _“There you are, sweetheart. Hello.”_

“Hi. Stop calling me sweetheart. It makes me want to burst.”

Shiro’s grin softens into a smile. His chin is on his hands. His hair is uncombed, the white strands partly on his eyes _. “Makes you want to burst? In a good way?”_

Keith rubs his cheek. Looks away. Looks back at Shiro. “Yeah. No, don’t stop. It’s just… “ Keith tilts his head, pulls his legs under him. “You’re really beautiful, Takashi.”

Shiro’s turn to redden, he shifts, opens his mouth. Closes it. He smiles wider then, wide and bright and happy and Keith wants to reach out to touch him.

 _“What are you doing, calling me beautiful, you dork.”_ Shiro rubs the bridge of his nose, rubs a fingertip over that pink scar.

“You are,” Keith shifts again, lays down on his stomach. Watches Shiro watch him. “Takashi,” Keith says again, puts all of his emotions into that one name. Shiro’s gaze on him is hot.

_“You are too, sweetheart. I’m glad to see you smile.”_

“I’m glad to be able to.” Keith rubs his cheeks again. Shiro’s eyes never leave his face.

_“Hey… Can I see your wrists?”_

Keith stills. It’s not like he keeps them hidden generally, almost forgets they are there sometimes but now the scars are even more prominent. He’d been scratching at them through the whole day.

_“It’s fine, Keith. You don’t have to. I just- saw-“_

Keith shakes his head, meets Shiro’s eyes again. “It’s okay. It’s not like I really hide them anymore or anything.” Keith rubs his wrists and then raises them to the eyelevel of the webcam, keeps his own gaze on his own skin instead of Shiro’s face.

Shiro exhales. _“Oh, Keith.”_

Keith twitches, nearly pulls his hands back when Shiro shakes his head. _“Put your wrist against the webcam. Just indulge me_.” Colour creeps to Keith’s ears.

“You’re so weird,” he murmurs but does so, presses his numb arm with its jagged scar against the tiny light of his webcam.

He watches Shiro leans closer against his own and press a kiss against it.

Keith draws breath, withdraws his hand with a whimper. Shiro’s laughter rings like the best kind of a song in his ears.

_“Was that okay? Sweetheart?”_

Keith inhales. Exhales. He pulls his wrist against his own mouth, the raised skin of his scar odd against his lips. It’s quite like the phantom image of what Shiro kissing his wrist would truly feel like.

“If you do things like those, I’m going to fall in love with you. Truly and honestly fall in love with you.”

Shiro hums _. “Well, you didn’t object to me taking you out someday  or wanting to make you mine, so I wouldn’t mind you falling in love with me.”_

Keith takes a deep breath. His entire face feels like its on fire. His mumbled words don’t quite reach Shiro’s ears because Shiro chuckles. _“Sweetheart, if you hide your face I can’t hear what you’re saying.”_

Keith raises his head. Can feel himself pouting when Shiro laughs, long and heartful. _“Oh, sweetheart. No need to put on such a face.”_

“Don’t laugh at me,” Keith grumbles and rubs his cheeks again. “I can’t help blushing when you keep saying and doing such thoughtful things.”

_“Like wanting to make you mine? Wanting to be yours?”_

Keith groans. Peeks through his fingers.

Shiro blows him a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could the next chapter already be... ??!?!?! nobody knows
> 
> i might just as well skip a couple of days ahead unless anyone minds


	14. hello, sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plans are made. plans come true. Keith gets a surprise.

# October 8th, 2016

| 

**From:** Matthew Holt  <matt.holt@g.academy.com>

**To:** Katie  <spacey@gmail.com>

**Subject:** _About that trip…_

Hey sis. I know an e-mail from me has been a long time coming, a reaaaally long time coming but well… stuff has happened and all. I know we need to have a real good talk soon. If it makes you feel any more inclined to talk to me, I’ve actually called mom and dad already. I might get time off to visit them at Christmas. I want to see you too then.

Anyway, onto my actual point. Our flight schedule is attached to this e-mail. Since miss Altea was the one to make the initial suggestion for this trip, it’s her and her father who have arranged for mine and Shiro’s transport from the airport to our hotel. I would appreciate if you were there to welcome us. It seems you know Shiro so it would do him good to see another friendly face when he comes. Attached is also our departure times as Shiro isn’t supposed to leave the compound for any other than official reason for a too extended period of a time.

Anyhow, you can expect us on 15th of this month. I really hope to see you, Katie. I’m sorry, it’s Pidge nowadays isn’t it? I hear you’re doing great at school. I’m proud of you.

Say my regards to Keith.

Regards, Matt  
  
---  
   
  
 

# October 9th, 2016

 

 **You don’t happen to anything about why Lance and the others have been super shady in the past few days?** [1:43pm]

 _You mean Lance has been more shady than usual? No, sweetheart, unfortunately I have no clue what you’re talking about._ [1:44pm]

 **oh** [1:44pm]

 **by the way did I ever ask you when is your birthday?** [1:44pm]

 **mine’s in December, 14th** [1:44pm]

 _no, you didn’t and it’s February 29 th._ [1:45pm]

 **aww, so you’re a leap year baby** [1:45pm]

 _That’s right, baby._ [1:45pm]

 **afskhl** [1:45pm]

 _;)_ [1:45pm]

 **how did you turn that into a flirt, you flirt** [1:46pm]

 _you inspire me_ [1:46pm]

 **and you like your nicknames** [1:46pm]

 _They are fond petnames, sweetheart. Don’t worry, you’re the only one I shower with them._ [1:46pm]

 **mm** [1:47pm]

 **ANYWAY how does that work do you just like, have a birthday on the 28 th day when it’s not the leap year? **[1:47pm]

 _or just age slower than anyone else ;) … nah, I have it on 28 th. Not that I’ve had a birthday party in a long time. It just hasn’t been a priority_ [1:47pm]

 **okay there you 22-year-old Old Man** [1:48pm]

 _what about you? Fond of birthday parties?_ [1:48pm]

 _Asking for a friend ;)_ [1:48pm]

 **only when it’s with my closest friends… or friend as Pidge has been the only one before this school. I dunno what I’ll do this year, maybe just go to Pidge’s parents’ place again. 21 was a threshold, 22 isn’t so** [1:49pm]

 _well it’s your birthday, obviously it should be a special day for you. although if I’m concerned, I’d shower you with affection every day of the year._ [1:49pm]

 **you’re such a sap** [1:49pm]

 _and you like it <3_ [1:49pm]

 **well, yes. … ohh by the way!! I’ve totally forgotten to ask and Lance has forgotten to remind me and yes. Well. Um.** [1:50pm]

 _yes?_ [1:50pm]

 **If you can get time off for Christmas, you know, just the Eve or something… it’d be good. Lance and Hunk have invited me and Pidge to Lance’s family’s place. They live somewhere in Texas or something. Apparently Lance and Hunk tend to go there every Christmas before Hunk flies to Hawaii for his own parents. Lance said he’d like it if you could join us. .. I mean, I know it’s kinda early since we haven’t even met yet and all but it’d be nice and all and you don’t have to or anything** [1:51pm]

 _calm down, sweetheart. I will have to inquire of my instructors. I generally say at the Academy myself since I have no family to go back to for vacations but hummm… I have earned some privileges during my first year so I might have to pull some strings. If it doesn’t work, I will ask Allura for help. It would be nice to spend Christmas with friends._ _J_ [1:52pm]

 **I’m smiling really wide right now** [1:52pm]

 _< 3_ [1:52pm]

 **Pidge and her family always wears intentionally awful Christmas sweaters. I’m not a Christmas-person at all but they’ve roped me into it** [1:53pm]

 _:D Sounds trying. Got any pictures?_ [1:53pm]

 **of me in the sweater? god no** [1:53pm]

 **don’t you dare ask Pidge** [1:53pm]

 _Didn’t even cross my mind, sweetheart. I’m convinced you’d look adorable in anything though._ [1:54pm]

 **shlfdf I hate and love it when you say such things** [1:54pm]

 _I will shower you with compliments for as long as it takes for you to believe me 100%_ [1:54pm]

 **I believe you are very determined. and I will do the same** [1:55pm]

 _oh Keith_ [1:55pm]

 **don’t oh keith me** [1:55pm]

 _is it just me or is this beginning to sound like the bickering of an old married_ _couple_ [1:55pm]

 **mmmmaybe** [1:56pm]

 _you don’t mind it?_ [1:56pm]

 **no** [1:56pm]

 **you make me feel happy.** [1:56pm]

 _you make **me** feel happy_. [1:56pm]

 **we’re not gonna be the kind of a couple who argues about who likes who better** [1:57pm]

_mmm I like the sound of that actually [1:57pm]_

**I have a hard time keeping myself from squealing like Lance whenever he’s tickled too hard** [1:57pm]

 **you do mean the couple-part right** [1:58pm]

 _well I have basically offered my heart to you on a platter so yes_ [1:58pm]

 _I like you, Keith Kogane, I might fall in love with you even_ [1:58pm]

 _you are a caring, sweet, a beautiful badass that I would be honoured to call my boyfriend_ [1:58pm]

 _but I’m of the opinion that we should discuss this face to face, yes?_ [1:59pm]

 **stop being so mature** [1:59pm]

 _one of us has gotta to be the mature one ;)_ [1:59pm]

 **I hate you** [1:59pm]

 _I adore you too <3_ [1:59pm]

 **that was such a Lance-joke though have you two been talking behind my back HMMM** [2:00pm]

 **no don’t answer that I’m being stupid** [2:00pm]

 _Don’t worry, sweetheart. There’s only one I keep dreaming of._ [2:00pm]

 **ggghhhhh** [2:01pm]

 _Yeah I’ve dreamed about you again. I’ll tell you about them when we see face to face. I wanna see your reactions. <3_ [2:02pm]

 **my teacher just asked me if I’m okay because I whimpered and I had to lie that I had banged my toe** [2:04pm]

 **Pidge is next to me and she keeps snickering into her notes** [2:04pm]

 _I’ll hold back for now and let you study. Talk to you soon, sweetheart._ [2:04pm]

 **yeah <3** [2:04pm]

# October 14th, 2016

 

 **he keeps talking about meeting me and how much he wants to make sure we like each other face to face too** [11:03am]

 **and I’m just what if he doesn’t** [11:03am]

 **what if he finds me too scrawny or my hair too long or hates how I keep shoving my foot into my mouth and fuck why am I so nervous** [11:04am]

 _because you’re in love, dumbo._ [11:04am]

 **I don’t think it’s that yet but dlkhgdfh** [11:04am]

 _keysmashing is a sure sign of distress. but you wanna meet him right?_ [11:05am]

 **YES I’ve watched enough of his face during our Skype-calls and heard his voice and I want… I want more.** [11:05am]

 **but if he finds me inadequate** [11:05am]

 _dude_ [11:06am]

 **I know I’m just overthinking … I think** but [11:06am]

 _like I’ve said a million times before, you are a fucking catch and Shiro’s not entirely blind so_ [11:06am]

 _I’d wager that he’s having the same doubts_ [11:06am]

 **I think so too to be honest… which is still so odd to think of for me because he’s just. So. Shiro.** [11:07am]

 **I don’t care that he’s got a prosthetic arm or that he’s got scars or I care but you know, they’re not something that takes away from the person he is. He is more than his body or his looks so much more and I think that he’s…. Pidge, when we talked on Skype a few days ago I kinda, showed him the scars. You know. THE Scars.** [11:08am]

 _how did that make you feel?_ [11:08am]

 **he asked me to put my wrist against my webcam. he kissed his own like he was kissing my wrist and it was the sappiest and sweetest thing and I just- how is a person like that so ready to bring down the moon for me HOW** [11:09am]

 _life happens, brother of mine._ [11:09am]

 **thank you, wise little sister of mine. that explains everything** [11:09am]

 _look, dumbo, just roll with it. I know you’re nervous and all but as far as I’ve noticed Shiro likes you as much as you like him and seeing him face to face would just be the extra confirmation you both need_ [11:10am]

 **he kind of… said.. he wants to date me. Even though he has like a year and a half to go until he’s free of that place and even then he doesn’t know where he’ll end up he still wants to take a chance. God, Pidge, the way he looks at me during our calls just makes me shudder. I don’t want to betray his exceptions of me.** [11:10am]

 _do I need to crash your lecture and smack you in the head_ [11:10am]

 **I know, I know** [11:11am]

 _Take a chance on him_ [11:11am]

 **yeah I will** [11:11am]

 **just the thought of seeing him in person … I can’t. I just can’t.** [11:12am]

 _I hope I’m not there to see you drool_ [11:12am]

 **shut up Pidge** [11:12am]

 _love you too, bro_ [11:12am]

 

~

 [11:58pm]

 _goodnight, sweetheart. <3_ [11:58pm]

 **you’re such a sap. goodnight <3** [11:58pm]

# October 15th, 2016

**no good morning pic today? Not that there’re a lot of different ways to take pics of a sunrise or trees but… yeah. They just make me feel closer to you.** [8:25am]

 **I feel like I’m floating on Cloud nine.** [8:26am]

 **I can’t believe you’re in my life.** [8:26am]

 

 _So sorry, I had morning classes and couldn’t go on my morning run at all. Didn’t dream of you this time but I am thinking of you. <3_ [9:35am]

 

~

yooo Keith remember what I said stay at campus todayyy and I will buy you lunch for a month yes yes?? [12:00am]

 **idk why that is important but okay, I’ll be at the library anyway** [12:01am]

trust me <3<3 [12:01am]

~

_“That Other Group Chat for Shiro and Keith’s Great Romance”_

**AliBaba:** so you’ll join me and Father in fetching Matt and Shiro?

 **Pidgey:** that’s the plan

 **AliBaba:** the more the merrier : ) we will come get you after your lecture. It ends at two, right?

 **Pidgey:** yep

 **Lance-a-lot:** I can’t believe this is actually happening btw Keith says he’s gonna be at the library all day, of course that nerd is cramming his head full of books even on his days off

 **TheHunk** : I think he’s going to forget all about books.

 **Lance-a-lot:** god I wish I could see his FACE

 **TheHunk** : we agreed on letting him meet Shiro on his own.

 **Lance-a-lot:** I know but just… that beautiful surprise, morphing into relief and that disgustingly adorable lovesick puppy-expression that Keith’s been having since the beginning . It’s just so cute

 **Pidgey:** I almost can’t believe Shiro actually agreed in keeping this a secret. He doesn’t seem to be very fond of them. Or surprises.

 **Lance-a-lot:** him and Keith are fucking made to be tbh

 **AliBaba:** Shiro’s desire to see Keith overtrumps all of his other feelings

 **Lance-a-lot:** adorable. I wonder if Shiro’s as much of a hunk irl as he is in his pictures. He still hasn’t posted a fullbody one though. OR one where we can see his whole face. That white part of his hair is totally working for him tho

 **AliBaba:** it’s got something to do with his hair going that colour naturally.

 **Lance-a-lot:** wow really?

 **AliBaba:** it happens sometimes. And no, that’s not what happened to me, Lance. My hair’s this colour perfectly naturally.

 **Lance-a-lot:** I know, perfect hair for a perfect woman  <3

 **AliBaba:** flatterer

 **TheHunk:** guys we’re still here

 **Pidgey:** thank god Shiro isn’t online

~

Shiro isn’t online, because Shiro is currently fast asleep on a plane headed from sunny California to the less sunny Arkansas. The flight isn’t that long but Shiro had been exhausted for days, tossing and turning in his bed and waking up his roommate with his nightmares. The only positive sides had been the dreams about Keith and talking to Keith in general.

Shiro had first though that he’d be too excited to sleep on the plane but here he is now, slumbering away against the window, dead to the world and the boy waiting to be surprised at the end of the trip.

Matt wakes him once they land, lays a hand on Shiro’s arm and leads him through the metal detectors and other travelers without saying much. Only once does Matt even ask how he’s feeling and only once does Shiro answer that with a smile.

His phone buzzes as they towards the exits to where their ride is waiting.

“Keith again?” Matt asks, scanning through his own phone.

Shiro hums. Puts his phone back into his pocket without replying. “Yes.” He glances at his companion, at Matt’s forever-unruly hair and his stern posture that doesn’t say anything of his true nature. “You don’t get to judge my relations to others, Matt.”

Matt shifts, like caught in the act. “I’m not. Oh, there they are!”

He waves. Shiro looks up, at first mildly surprised at how warm it still is. Then his eye also spots Allura’s blazing white hair and her blindingly bright smile; she’s leaning out of the window of a bright white SUV.

“You’re an ass,” is the first thing she says when Matt and Shiro get nearer.

“I’ve missed you, Ali,” Shiro says and accepts her hug once she’s gotten out of the car, wraps his arms carefully around her slim waist but doesn’t let himself linger. Maybe sensing his hesitance or just in a hurry to get back to the campus, Allura steps back soon enough and waves back.

“Dad, you remember Shiro, right? Also you must be Matt. And that’s-“

“I know Pidge. She’s my sister,” Matt murmurs and glances at Pidge’s hunched form on the backseat. She glowers but gestures for him to sit next to her anyway.

Shiro hesitates for a moment but decides to take the other window seat. At least watching the siblings interact might give him something else to think than just Keith.

It works. For some time. Then what Shiro presumes is the campus rolls into view and he straightens, heart beginning to thud.

“I figured you’d want to go straight in,” Allura says from the front seat. She glances at Matt, then back to Shiro. “Do you want back-up, Shiro?”

Shiro can feel heat climbing to his cheeks. This still feels a little like a dream. “I think I’ll manage. Is he… ?”

Allura nods. “In the library. Let me lead you there. Um- does Matt have to be around you all the time?”

At Matt’s headshake, Allura waits until her father has pulled over and bounces out of the car, taking Shiro and Shiro’s meager bag with her. Even with his prosthetic hidden away under a long-sleeved shirt, he still draws eyes from strolling students, especially when accompanied by the queen bee of the school. Shiro shifts and lets himself be dragged, trying to take all of it in, tries not to show how much his nerves are affecting him but it’s hard when his very bones are thrumming with a melody that sounds much like Keith’s name.

“I gotta get back to Father but it’s just like, take this door and down that hallway and turn right. There are clear instructions everywhere, you can’t miss it! Check the corners in the library, Keith tends to hole himself up when he spends the day reading,” Allura says in one single breath, her energy making her bounce restlessly on the soles of her feet. She lets go of Shiro’s hand and points him towards the right door.

“O-oh. Oh,” is all he manages. It’s all happening so fast all of a sudden. All of his words that he had exchanged with Keith, all of his gestures vanish from his head. All that is left is the simplest form of longing.

It must show on his face because Allura smiles then, softer.

“Go, Shiro,” she says and squeezes his hand once more.

Shiro smiles back. He nods.

He can do this.

*

The library is bustling with people, the lobby almost uncomfortably full. Shiro murmurs about a dozen excuse mes as he makes his way through the constant trickle of students and wonders how on Earth he’ll ever find Keith in the middle of all of this. He finds the bookshelves. He finds more bookshelves as he climbs the stairs up and also finds silence, as most are here to read and study and don’t prefer to be bothered. Some glance curiously at Shiro’s direction, some probably wonder what his business is in the library but then again, Shiro’s kind of used to it.

If he was in a normal college himself, these people would be his peers. The distance between him and the other library-goers feels abruptly staggering and Shiro nearly stumbles as he continues his search for Keith, tries to spot that familiar mess of black hair from behind laptops and book stacks. Begins to grow a little restless.

And then. Whatever is it that makes Shiro turn his head towards the sound, God, fate, just an accident, it doesn’t matter. Because he turns his head and spots Keith, comfortably curled on an armchair with a stack of books on the table in front of him along with at least three notebooks. Keith’s hair is in that adorable little ponytail, some strands fallen over his frowning, concentrated face.

For a moment Shiro just stares.

It’s Keith. In the flesh. Keith who blushes when he’s complimented, Keith who has such silky, silky hair and keeps it sometimes in a ponytail. Keith who likes lions and paladins and bad jokes and bad innuendo and wants and deserves to be kissed until he’s breathless and laughing.

Shiro nearly clutches his chest as his own breath hitches. He bites down on his lip. Keith isn’t wearing headphones. Maybe he’ll hear Shiro coming.

Shiro inhales. Exhales. _Sweetheart_ lingers on his tongue. _Keith_ in his heart. He takes a few steps. Doesn’t even bother to look around. No one else matters.

Takes another few steps, more determined this time. Keeps his hands behind his back, his smile soft and serene.

“Keith,” he says when he’s close enough to be heard. Keith shifts, mumbles something, his finger tapping a sentence on the book. Shiro wants to laugh.

“Keith,” he says again.

Keith looks up. Blinks. Blinks. “Am I dreaming?” Even under such harshly unforgiving fluorescent light, he looks ethereal.

Shiro’s smile widens. “This time, you’re not. I know you don’t like surprises but I figured you wouldn’t mind this one.”

Keith closes the book with trembling hands, puts it haphazardly on top of the book stack. He gets up. Shiro bites back a grin at his disheveled, confused state.

“How- what- why-“ Keith licks his lips, looks up and down, then back at Shiro’s face.

“I wanted to see you in person, didn’t I tell you?” Shiro tilts his head. He takes a step closer. Rejoices when Keith doesn’t step back, instead looks him in the eye.

“Y-yeah. Yeah. You did.” Keith licks his lips again, fiddles with the hem of his too big shirt. “I think I promised you a hug.”

Shiro opens his arms. Keith steps in between them, slides his slim, bare arms around Shiro’s waist and presses his face against his shoulder. Shiro carefully wraps himself around Keith and carefully, carefully tightens his hold. Buries his face into Keith’s hair and inhales. Ah. So that’s what he smells like.

“You feel good,” Keith murmurs, his hold tightening, his fingers fisting the back of Shiro’s jacket.

“You smell good,” Shiro murmurs back, indulges himself in one of his tiny desires by raising a hand and settling it on Keith’s hair. Those dark strands feel just as silky as they look.

“Shiro,” Keith whispers. Shiro wonders if he’s closed his eyes. Shiro drags his fingers through Keith’s hair and breathes him in, takes him in.

“Hello, sweetheart.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come scream about sheith @ me on tumblr, i'm soundlessrooms
> 
> also idk when i will have time to write the next chap, tomorrow's my birthday party (i'm turning 27 yaaaay) so i'll be a busy bee preparing stuffs for my friends and stuff and getting drunk so 
> 
> but enjoy this ;)


	15. maybe it's you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith continue to gaze into each other's eyes. Everyone else tries to get their attention but to no avail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is nothing but Sap. There is nothing but The Fluffiest Goddamn Sappiness in this chapter. Shiro goes a little Space Dad.
> 
> Be ready to have cavities.
> 
> ALSO Thank you so much for the birthday wishes and comments everyone!!!! <3<3 I had a good birthday, didn't ask for presents and I don't want any presents but I had company and lots of good stuff to eat for leftovers and i might buy a ps4 so there's that! I'm not gonna answer individually to all the comments, there are so many but I read and appreciate every single one!!! <3<3
> 
> also the first half of this might have some mistakes i wrote it ... um...d runk. Sorry.

# October 15th, 2016

_continues…_

 

Shiro smells like the forest. Keith buries his nose into the crook of Shiro’s shoulder, inhales deep. It’s gotta be a forest, this earthly, beautiful smell that invades Keith’s nostrils.

“Are you going to let go anytime soon?” Shiro asks, his voice vibrating within his chest. His hand is gentle in Keith’s hair.

“I don’t want to,” Keith mumbles, his face hot. He’s clutching Shiro a little too tight, a little too intimate for such a public place but he can’t let go. Shiro is here. Shiro is here with him right now.

“Sweetheart,” Shiro purrs and shifts, his lips pressing the gentlest kiss into Keith’s hair, then shifting lower to press a kiss to Keith’s temple. “Let me see your face. Can I?”

Keith nods. His heart thuds so fast. He lets himself withdraw just a little, just enough to meet Shiro’s twinkling eyes.

“Hello,” Shiro says, his voice so tender.

“Hi,” Keith says, finds his smile and delights in the way it makes Shiro’s eyes brighten. “I didn’t think I’d ever find a surprise that I liked but here we are.”

Shiro chuckles. His palms cup Keith’s face; the contrast between his prosthetic and his real hand less startling now that they’ve been warmed up by body heat.

“You are going to call me a sap, but may I kiss you now?”

Keith opens his mouth. Closes his mouth. Licks his lips. Shiro’s thumbs caress his burning skin.

“Baby,” Shiro murmurs, the corners of his mouth curled up, his eyes on Keith’s mouth.

Keith gasps and takes the initiative himself; grabs Shiro’s belt-hoops and pulls him close again, smushing his lips somewhere in the vicinity of Shiro’s mouth, feeling the slight scruff Shiro’s been sporting since he came up.

Shiro laughs, gentle, so enticing that Keith is seduced, in love, lit on fire when Shiro finally slots their mouths together. Keith’s had better organized kisses, but not a single one of them had made him tingle; Shiro’s lips are warm, his breathing hot and wet, his palms so large and powerful on Keith’s cheeks. Shiro’s lips caress Keith’s lips, the tip of Shiro’s tongue tickles against Keith’s lower lip but doesn’t slide in, only teases. Keith trembles, breaks the kiss with a gasp.

For a moment he merely inhales and exhales, stares at the flush on Shiro’s cheeks, burns with the way Shiro keeps stroking his cheeks.

Keith lets his eyes slip closed as he slots himself against Shiro again, kisses him again. Tilts his head so that Shiro’s mouth fits against his better. Oh, oh. The sparks rage beneath Keith’s closed eyelids, burst between their entwined lips, colours burst underneath Keith’s chest.

Takashi, his heart beats. Shiro, his lips sing.

Tentatively Keith lets his tongue slide against Shiro’s lips, Shiro opens for him easily. Shiro’s own tongue slides against Keith’s, wet and slow and so achingly good that Keith nearly moans out loud. He’s faintly aware of Shiro’s hands moving, one curling behind Keith’s neck, one around Keith’s waist.

Then someone clears their throat and the gentle, peaceful illusion of a private moment breaks.

Keith grimaces when he opens his eyes, his fingers still tangled around Shiro’s belt. Shiro doesn’t let go, doesn’t seem to want to stop touching Keith now that he can.

“Boys. This is not the time or the place for dilly-dallying,” grumbles the bestacled librarian.

Keith bites the inside of his cheek. Shiro bites back a smile.

“We are very sorry. It’s just that I haven’t seen my baby in a very long time, ma’am,” Shiro says. “I got carried away.”

Something in the librarian shifts, maybe something in their face softens. “Oh. I understand. But do take it elsewhere, thank you.”

Keith clears his throat, looks away. Shiro smiles and moves easily, his arm sneaking around Keith’s shoulder.

“Shall we move elsewhere, sweetheart?”

Keith nearly swallows his tongue at the look Shiro throws him. Nods mutely and slips away from under Shiro’s arm to gather his books.

Shiro lets him gather his things in peace, doesn’t even say anything else but remains a steady, peaceful presence by Keith’s side.

“So are you going to tell me who organized your trip here?” Keith takes an armful of books and leads them towards the loaning automat.

Shiro hums. “It was a combined effort of our friends.”

The colour on Keith’s face never seems to go away. A passing librarian even asks if Keith is alright and if he’s sure he doesn’t have a fever.

Keith waves them away, swallows back a flustered laugh until they’re out of the library with Keith’s new books safely hidden inside his bag.

Shiro snickers.

Keith shoves at him.

Shiro grabs his arm and pulls him close. “The look on your face when I called you my baby,” Shiro says and presses a kiss to Keith’s temple. Keith curls against his side with such natural ease that it almost surprises him.

“You surprised me,” Keith huffs. Shoves at Shiro again but only slightly, not enough to push him away.

“In a good way I presume?”

“So about what we talked on the phone, you know,” Keith starts and lets Shiro wrap his heavy arm around Keith’s shoulders again. They’re easily heading towards the cafeteria.

“Mmm?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Shiro,” Keith huffs. “I hope the … kiss was good for you. It was for me.”

“Oh, baby,” Shiro purrs and stops them, his arm tight around Keith’s shoulders. “The only thing stopping me from kissing you again and again is the thought of it not being as good for you as it was for me.”

Keith bites back a groan.

He does actually groan when his phone buzzes.

_Lance: YOU GUYS MAKE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE XOXOXOXOXO_

Shiro snorts.

Shiro’s phone buzzes.

_Lance: SHIRO YOU ARE A HUNK AMONG MEN_

_Lance: Keith should tap that butt asap_

Shiro snorts again and turns his phone towards Keith who makes a face.

“Fucking Lance.”

“He’s enthusiastic,” Shiro says with a shrug. Then pulls Keith close by grabbing his belt again. “No need to make such a face, sweetheart.”

Keith bites his lip. Puts his phone back into his pocket. “I know. Where are you guys staying by the way?”

Shiro’s large palm covers Keith’s cheek easily. Thankfully they are still at the side street next to the library but Keith still freezes. Shiro pulls himself back.

“At a hotel nearby,” Shiro murmurs.

“Could you… come eat dinner with me? I’ll buy your food,” Keith says and carefully wraps his fingers around Shiro’s wrist. Close enough to hold his hand, far away enough to seem platonic.

“Anything you want, sweetheart.”

Keith can’t meet Shiro’s eye. Not when Shiro looks at him like Keith is the sun.

~

_“Shiro and Keith are Meant to Be and It’s Beautiful”_

**Lance-a-lot:** did you see them yet

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** I’m not gonna stalk them

 **AliBaba:** Matt’s at the hotel now so we’re gonna head off to the cafeteria to meet up with Shiro and Keith! You guys are welcome to join us!

 **Lance-a-lot:** HUNK, YES??? !?!?!

 **TheIncredibleHunk:** if you behave Lance

 **Lance-a-lot:** I’m the biggest supporter of Shiro and Keith ok

 **AliBaba:** Shiro slept through the entirety of the car ride but you should have seen the way his face brightened when I lead him to the library ;) that boy is smitten as hell

 **Lance-a-lot:** ashklsf cute okay see you in five Allura

~

It’s not unusual for non-students and non-staff to visit the Garrison cafeteria, for its lunches are city-wide famous for being delicious and cheap. Keith shows Shiro the menu, lets Shiro pick what he wants and doesn’t comment on how long Shiro looks through the menu, like balancing each and every single one of its ingredients against the strict diet he’s on. As much as Shiro as he is now, incredibly fit and broad-shouldered, Keith thinks his waist is small for a man Shiro’s size.

But Keith says nothing. Even if they had shifted from strictly texting buddies to sort-of-boyfriends, it’s not his place.

They decide on their lunches, Keith pays and they settle themselves on the furthest corner of the cafeteria possible, sitting opposite to each other.

“Are there cafeterias in the other buildings as well? Or are they just dorms?” Shiro asks in between stirring his spoon in his soup.

Keith, distracted by the way the light plays on Shiro’s hair, flinches. His fork rattles against his plate as he remembers where he is and who he’s with.

Shiro had kissed him just a few minutes ago. Had wanted to _continue kissing him._

Keith’s ears feel hot. “Um, yeah. There are. But this is like, the main one. Most people eat here.”

“Mmm,” says Shiro and eats. Keith’s own fork stills in between his plate and his mouth as he watches Shiro’s lips wrap around his spoon.

“This the part where I say my eyes are up here, darling?” Shiro says sweetly as he lowers his spoon once more and licks a drop from his lip.

Keith snorts, can feel his face colouring again. He notices to some satisfaction that Shiro’s cheeks have a definite pink hue.

“I can’t stop staring at you,” Keith mumbles.

Shiro’s gaze is so soft on him, his smile the kind that Keith wants to wake up to the rest of his life. The fear that plagued Keith earlier about Shiro not wanting him, not feeling the same, the doubts that Shiro might not feel as strongly as Keith are all gone by now, lost in the silky haze of Shiro’s gaze.

“I don’t want to stop touching you,” Shiro mutters and this time he turns a little redder, his foot poking Keith’s under the table.

Keith swallows hard, has to cough a few times to not choke on a piece of a potato.

He hesitates only for a moment when he sees a shadow pass Shiro’s face.

“Then don’t,” Keith says and stabs a potato with a fork to try to cover up how much his hand trembles.

“You said you’re not-“ Shiro hums. Looks around them. Then back at Keith. “You’re not out. Because if you give me permission, I want to keep my hand on you at all times. I don’t have a lot of time here but I want to make good use of what I have.”

Keith  nibbles on his lip then meets Shiro’s eyes over the table. “I’m not saying make out with me right now or anything-“ Keith’s voice fades when Shiro’s smile widens. “But it’s okay to touch me. Just. I figured you’d. Wouldn’t have many opportunities to have some friendliness in your life and all.” Keith toys with his fork a little more. Meets Shiro’s eyes again.

“You figured right, sweetheart,” Shiro murmurs and then he reaches. It’s not his prosthetic, but his regular, wide palm with some white raised lines, perhaps memories from long-ago boyhood fights and training accidents.

Keith doesn’t look around as he reaches back, curling his fingers around Shiro’s.

“You are gonna call me a sap again, but I don’t mind. I like how our hands look together,” Shiro says then, his smile turning into a grin. It takes away the shadows on Shiro’s face, makes him look more like his age and more like the boy in the articles Keith had read so many days ago.

“Sap,” Keith says but he’s grinning back.

A throat is cleared next to them.

Shiro lets Keith pulls his hand back but makes a slightly disappointed face that Keith snickers at.

“We watched you two make faces at each other for like five minutes and then hold hands like a couple on a honeymoon. You two are so precious it makes me wanna cry,” Lance says in one breath as he shoves himself next to Shiro with his own food-tray. Hunk sits next to him; Pidge makes her way next to Keith and Allura follows like a breath of fresh air.

“Matt said he prefers to eat in his solitary silence,” Pidge huffs without anyone even asking.

“Isn’t he supposed to keep watch on Shiro?” Lance shoves almost the entirety of his bread into his mouth at the same time, his words mostly garbled out nonsense.

“We have a sort of a deal,” Shiro murmurs, sipping his soup. “He gives me a little leeway and I give him a little leeway. He knows some of what’s happened in my past and why I’m at the Academy but it’s enough that he gets that I’m not- well. Not all there.” Shiro twirls a finger around his temple, his smile a sad little sight.

“You’re more all there than most of us,” Lance says with a shrug. Hunk elbows him. Lance shrugs again.

“Well, it’s true! Shiro’s like some brave folk hero who braves storms and monsters to be reunited with his beloved princess Keith- ouch, mullethead, get a sense of humour-“

Keith huffs. Withdraws his leg from Lance’s side of the table. Lance reaches down to rub his knee.

Shiro’s smile is fond. “Children, children.”

Keith sticks out his tongue at him.

Shiro sticks out his tongue right back.

The rest of the group shares glances. Lance clears his throat then says unnecessarily loudly: “Are you guys certain Shiro and Keith know we’re here too?”

Keith flicks out a piece of his potato at Lance. It slams straight into his cheek. Lance gasps, pierces his own potato with his fork but when Shiro lays a heavy hand on his wrist, Lance merely pouts.

“Anyways, I’ve been meaning to ask you, Shiro,” Lance says a few seconds later, impending food fight all forgotten.

“Please chew with your mouth closed,” Allura huffs.

Lance’s dark cheeks go a little darker. “Anyways,” he says again. “Is Shiro a nickname?”

“Indeed it is,” Shiro says and scrapes his plate clean. He meets Keith’s eyes. Keith reaches to poke Shiro with his foot. “Comes from Takashi Shirogane. Shiro just fit better into American mouths. And my own mouth. I was born in Japan but I moved out when I was very little.”

“Cool,” says Lance and goes on eating.

The rest of the lunch goes on in the same manner. Lance speaks. Lance asks questions. Lance spends an uncomfortable amount of time gazing at Shiro. Keith keeps kicking Lance’s feet but Lance learns after the first kick to keep his feet away.

Pidge and Allura get deep into a discussion about thermodynamics and airplane motors that no one else can follow.

Keith keeps staring at Shiro, still wondering idly if he’s dreaming.

He knows he’s not, especially once they get up to take away their trays and leave the cafeteria and Shiro’s arm slides around Keith’s shoulders, heavy and utterly comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any suggestions, requests on where you would like this to go? because I have an ending in sights but I might be able to plan something small and neat in-between. hmu @ here or at tumblr (soundlessrooms)
> 
> As far as my plans go now, I wanna end this at Christmas. .. their Christmas, not my Christmas lmao.


	16. Falling hard for you again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys discuss their relationship. Boners are popped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka the sheith lovefest continues to give you cavities  
> what even is plot   
> there is none

# October 16th, 2016

 

 _Good morning, sweetheart. I hope you slept well <3_ [6:35am]

 

 **you still wake up at the asscrack of dawn even when you’re on a vacation. you weirdo** [7:40am]

 **also Pidge hit me with a pillow because she’s already sick of me making noises** [7:40am]

 **that was a nice selfie by the way. you’ve gotten good at taking them** [7:41am]

 _;) all for you._ [7:41am]

 **stop it** [7:41am]

 _do you want me to? <3_ [7:41am]

 **well no but** [7:42am]

 _;) I see you’re awake at the asscrack of dawn too. Busy day today? I do hope we get to spend time together today._ [7:42am]

 **A couple of lectures. I have at least a couple of hours um have you been to your morning run**? [7:43am]

 _nah. actually I’m lounging around our hotel room after doing some squats and push-ups and Matt’s doing work-things because he’s even more of a workaholic than me. It looks like it will rain._ [7:44am]

 **you’re not gonna melt in the rain, big guy.** [7:44am]

 _Indeed I am big_. [7:44am]

 **ashdsklf SHIRO** [7:44am]

 _your mind in the gutter again, baby?_ [7:44am]

 **well yes** [7:45am]

 **when you kiss me like that and speak such things how can I not  think of** [7:45am]

 **things** [7:45]

 **I’ve turned into a shy yet horny teenager look at what you have done to me** [7:46am]

 _I’m sorry <3_ [7:46am]

 **ssh you’re not** [7:46am]

 _if you don’t want me to tease you, just say the words. I never want to make you uncomfortable. Or make innuendos._ [7:46am]

 **no no it’s fine. I’m just not used to it** [7:47am]

 _alright : ) I do love seeing you blush._ [7:47am]

 **I feel good about the fact that I can show my feelings so openly** **nowadays** [7:47am]

 _I feel good about the same thing too. A lot of it I owe it to you and helping me reconnect with Allura._ [7:48am]

 **you guys good?** [7:48am]

 _yeah. I think she understands._ [7:48am]

 **ok :3** [7:49am]

 _anyway, if you wanna come over, I wouldn’t mind? You could show me around. Matt would have to chaperone but he promises to behave._ [7:49am]

 **ok, just gimme the address and I’ll head over. We can have breakfast. Be proud that I’m putting on pants and brushing my hair just for you.** [7:50am]

 _always <3_ [7:50am]

~

[8:55am]

Matt is deep in conversation with someone, trailing after Shiro and Keith as they walk through the morning-sleepy crowd. Keith has already forgotten Matt’s presence, his focus on the way Shiro is clutching his hand, nodding to every word Keith is saying.

“Aaand that’s where we sometimes go on weekends when one of us has the money to spare.”

“So you just recently moved in here? Seems like you’ve settled nicely,” Shiro says and rubs his thumb over Keith’s skin.

Keith shivers, almost hoping he hadn’t pulled his hair into a ponytail; at least his hair would have covered the way his ears go pink.

“Yeah. Places haven’t really ever been anything to me. My home has always been with people. Matron Minerva first, then Pidge, then these guys.” Keith bites back _and then there’s you._ It’s a little like one part of him is already planning a wedding, a future, maybe a kid or two and definitely pets. None of his previous attempts at relationships or crushes had been like this.

None of them had been Shiro.

“It seems that’s one more thing we have in common, sweetheart,” Shiro murmurs and lets himself be lead towards a sweet, sleepy-looking coffee shop.

Keith lets him search through the menu but when he tries to pay for Shiro’s cup of hot tea and a plain-looking sandwich, Shiro leans down to kiss his temple and gently usher him away. The boy behind the counter merely raises his eyebrows at the display but says nothing.

Keith goes to seat himself in the corner booth and breathes in the familiar, comforting scent of his coffee, lets his rowdy heart relax before Shiro joins him.

“Do you watch movies?” Keith asks after a moment of relaxed silence.

“Sometimes,” Shiro hums and takes a sip. Keith watches his long eyelashes flutter and throw shadows over sharp cheekbones. _Fuck._

“I don’t really but I do watch some. Mostly I like documentaries. About space especially.”

Shiro hums again, takes another sip. “I gathered that you are quite enamored with the subject. Can I ask what drew you to it in the first place?”

Keith stills, licking away the taste of coffee from his lips. He stares down at the milky foam and fails to notice the spark of desire on Shiro’s face.

“I guess it was back when I was in my, hmm, first foster family? They were nice and all but kind of, forgot about me a lot. The father had a telescope and the house was this old, huge thing and I spent so many hours looking through that telescope into the sky. I once even managed to spot what I think was Venus: or just one particularly bright star. Just the sight of them gave me such hope. Still gives. That’s why I found a way to get to the roof so I could look at them or just the sky whenever I felt too anxious to be around people or just need to be alone.”

Keith blinks when Shiro doesn’t speak for a moment. Their eyes meet. Shiro’s smile is bright, his eyes twinkling.

“What?” Keith huffs, stirring his coffee.

“Your eyes light up when you talk about it,” Shiro says. He doesn’t look around them, doesn’t look into the small table where Matt sits, tapping away on his phone.

“I’m falling hard for you, Keith Kogane and I don’t think I mind.”

Keith’s hand stills. He looks at Shiro, at that open, handsome face and knows that every word they had exchanged between each other through their texts had been true. Keith had said once that he trusts Shiro. Keith had said once that he might fall in love.

All of that is true.

Keith takes a sip of his coffee, swallows carefully and then puts the cup down. He reaches over the table with his both hands, smiles when Shiro grabs them.

“You’re not a hard man to fall in love with, Takashi,” Keith murmurs, could almost bite his tongue at how loud he is being, is someone looking, what if- but none of that matters when Shiro’s eyes light up.

Shiro brings both of Keith’s hands to his lips, kisses each knuckle with such reverence that Keith has to squirm. But he doesn’t pull his hands away, not even when Shiro’s scruff scrapes against his fingers.

“I’m gonna have to thank Lance for giving you my number,” Shiro says and lowers their hands but doesn’t let go. Their drinks steadily go lukewarm in their cups but that’s all forgotten.

“Just don’t give him the wrong idea,” Keith huffs, nose wrinkling.

Shiro laughs, kisses Keith’s hand again. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I know who my boyfriend is.”

Keith jolts, pulls his hands to himself but only to hide his face.

“Keith?”

“Yea. Y-yeah. Yes. I’m fine.” _Boyfriend._ Just that one word, rolled so smoothly off Shiro’s tongue, so casually flicked into the conversation. They hadn’t put that label yet, had talked about it and Keith knows he and Shiro are a thing by now because they both look at each other like the other invented this little thing called love but still. _Boyfriend._

“Come on, sweetheart, please don’t hide from me,” Shiro says, his voice so achingly tender that Keith has to lower his hands, has to reach forward to grab Shiro’s again.

“I don’t care that you’re stuck at that Academy and can’t move in with me right now and have a white picket fence and at least three dogs and-“ Keith inhales. His face absolutely burns. He grins. “Boyfriend.”

Shiro grins back. “Boyfriend. That has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

Keith nods. He leans forward. Shiro leans forward.

Click.

Both look. Matt lowers his phone. He looks only slightly apologetic. “My sister was rather adamant that I get picture-proof.”

Keith blinks. “Picture-proof of what?”

Matt scratches his temple. He fiddles with his phone. “That I’m not bothering the two of you on your date.”

“You’re not, Matt,” Shiro says and takes his hands back to down his tea in one sip, finally digging into his sandwich. “I much prefer you as a chaperone than any other officer. I wouldn’t want them to even know Keith exists, they’d just use that against me.”

“Dicks,” Keith says, finding himself not very hungry. He doesn’t want to let Shiro go back to that place.

Shiro smiles at him in between bites of his sandwich. “It’s going to be fine, Keith. With you by my side, I feel like I can survive through anything.”

Keith snorts. “Sap.” But the flush on his cheeks remains.

[1:03pm]

“Keith, earth to Keith, Keeeeith-“

“Mmmhm?” Keith flinches as he’s brought back to the Earth from daydream-land where only he and Shiro exist.

Pidge squints at him. “Remember, the lecture? That we are currently in?” She hisses through her teeth as not to bother the enthusiastic space lecturer.

Keith carefully clears his throat. “Ah, yes. Yeah. I know.” He glances at his friend whose indescribable look turns slowly into a smirk.

“So Matt sent me an interesting picture,” Pidge starts.

Keith bites on his lip. He and Shiro had parted earlier with a slow, lingering kiss that had left such a pleasant tingle all over Keith’s body. “Of me and my boyfriend, you mean?” Keith whispers, hoping to keep it quiet from anyone but Pidge.

Pidge presses a palm on her lips, eyes widening in mock surprise. “What, you have a boyfriend!”

Keith shoves at her with an elbow. “Don’t be so loud. You know I do.”

“Aww,” says Pidge and controls her face and her voice. She leans against her hand. “So it feels good with him? Is he good to you?”

The pleasant tingle from earlier returns, spreading over to Keith’s fingertips. He nods.

“Aww,” murmurs Pidge again. “I’ve never seen you make such a face. You’re really in love, aren’t you?”

Keith hides himself behind his notebook.

Pidge snorts.

[6:15pm]

The campus is mostly quiet at this time of the evening so Shiro and Keith get to be almost totally alone. They’d texted back and forth during the day, had met up for lunch again, kissed so much that both of their lips feel raw, desire evident in their gestures but neither goes further than the kisses.

Even when both want to.

“Let’s go sit by the bleachers, I wanna talk to you about something,” Keith says after a moment of just breathing in the evening air and enjoying the weight of Shiro’s arm around his waist.

Shiro hums and follows him easily enough to that one particular spot under the bleachers, marred with the occasional remains of a cigarette and half-finished cans of soda and a few beers. The cinderblocks left behind by some long-forgotten construction sites tend to serve as seats for those who loiter in this area but this time one of them is taken over by Shiro and Keith, whom the former pulls into his lap.

Keith lets out a startled little giggle, slams a hand over his mouth and groans when Shiro starts to laugh.

“So that’s how I make you giggle,” Shiro says and rubs Keith’s back, lets Keith burrow his face into Shiro’s shoulder.

“We never speak of that again,” Keith grumbles, presses a kiss to the spot under Shiro’s ear.

“But we’ll speak of whatever you want to speak of, sweetheart. You know, why we came here instead of going inside?” Shiro continues to rub Keith’s back, his other hand freely wrapped around Keith’s legs.

Keith withdraws his face from the comfort of Shiro’s shoulder and stares at him.

“I just. Want you to know that although I want to, I want to wait until. If you want to. That is. Um. Dammit.” Keith inhales. “I want to have sex with you, okay? Just not now. Not just yet.”

Shiro hums, turns his head just enough to poke his cold nose against Keith’s forehead, press a kiss somewhere above Keith’s left eye.

“I understand.”

Keith shifts, turns so that he’s straddling Shiro instead of sitting sideways on his lap. Keith places his palms on Shiro’s shoulders to steady himself.

“And you, Takashi? What about you?” Shiro’s palms are a grounding presence around Keith’s waist, even as they slip down over the curve of Keith’s ass to his thighs.

Shiro opens his mouth, closes it. He wets his lips.

Keith stays still. “Your desires matter too, you know. And I think we should talk about this now that we’re…” the word still tingles in his mouth. “Partners. Boyfriends. You know.”

Shiro’s smile is a slow, careful thing as it finally finds its way to Shiro’s face. Keith’s thumbs stroke along the line of his neck.

“You’re asking if I want to have sex with you too?”

Keith nods.

Shiro moves his hands again, slips them sneakily under Keith’s jacket and Keith’s shirt. Keith twitches as the chilly fingers brush his bare back but the cold feels nothing compared to the utter heat in Shiro’s gaze.

“Of course I do, sweetheart. Not just because you want to have sex with me and I would do anything to make you happy but because I want you. But I agree that we should wait for more opportune moment.” Shiro tugs him a little closer, their foreheads pressing against each other. “Although it’s hard when call me Takashi and kiss me with such eagerness. I don’t want to stop touching you, baby. You feel so good. Just being with you makes me feel so good.”

Keith doesn’t quite manage to bite back a helpless little whine, chases away his embarrassment by kissing Shiro, letting Shiro’s hands wander further underneath his clothes, explore every inch of Keith’s back. Keith’s back curves on its own against the heavy, warm touches, he tilts his head to the side so that Shiro can kiss his neck, press careful, soft lips against Keith’s rapid pulse.

Keith grabs onto Shiro’s biceps, flustered at the mere thought of how easily Shiro could toss him around even when Keith’s own muscles are sturdy and strong enough. Keith holds on, lets his hands trail up Shiro’s clothed body to his face, scratching that scruff and pressing his lips to it, again and again until Shiro captures his mouth again.

The heavy slide of their tongues against each other seems to almost echo in Keith’s ears, his skin left tingling when Shiro’s hands retreat back to Keith’s thighs.

For a moment they just kiss, both of their lips steadily getting numb, their breathing harder but neither wants to stop.

The moment Shiro’s phone starts buzzing determinedly in his pocket is the moment when both know the end of the day is at hand. Reluctantly the kiss is broken and Keith withdraws to steady his breath against Shiro’s shoulder when Shiro exchanges a few curt words with Matt.

“We’d better not let this get any further, we might do something we’re not ready for yet,” Keith says once the phone call is ended and they drag themselves up from the cinderblock.

“Unfortunately,” Shiro says and kisses his forehead. Neither looks down.

Keith keeps licking his lips, like wanting to chase that feeling, that pleasant tingle that had made his pants tighter, his breathing harder.

“M-maybe. Maybe you’d better go to sleep if that was Matt coming to take you back to the hotel.”

Shiro’s arm slides easily enough around Keith’s waist as Keith starts leading them back towards the main campus area.

“Unfortunately,” Shiro repeats. “Ah, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself when I touched your bare back. If that was too much, I apologize.”

The look in his eye is indescribable when Keith turns to look at him. “You just surprised me. Maybe we better not touch under clothes though, I kinda.” Keith clears his throat. “It’s your fault for being so hot.”

Shiro snorts. “It’s your fault for being so beautiful, baby.”

“Again with the baby,” Keith huffs but only pulls Shiro closer for another kiss, this one a little more careful, a lot quicker.

“Yet it gets you going, doesn’t it?” Shiro winks.

 _The cheek of him,_ Keith grunts but sends Shiro away with a wave.

 ~

 _I had to take a very long, very cold shower. You are both bad and good for me, Keith Kogane._ [7:35pm]

 **SAME** [7:35pm]

 **although it was a hot shower at first….** [7:35pm]

 _oh, Keith. <3_ [7:35pm]

 **it’s all your fault.** [7:36pm]

 _oh no ;)_ [7:36pm]

 **xoxo** [7:36pm]

 _xoxo_ [7:36pm]

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aren't they the cutest? <3 
> 
> btw there will be no smut in this fic, me thinks. If you want Sheith-smut written by yours truly, just check out my other Sheith-fics, wink wink. But not in this fic because the boys don't feel ready yet and that's A+ okay no one has to have sex "just Because" 
> 
> next chapter more sheith-fluffiness. what even is angst? there is no angst. nowhere. never.


	17. baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith enjoy their time together although it's quickly coming to an end. Lance has a bad moment that turns into a good one. Keith jerks off. Shiro and Keith cuddle and everything is good and nothing hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro loves you baby.

# October 17th, 2016

[8:35am]

The dream had left Keith with an itch. He had woken up before his usual time, before even Pidge- she had merely turned to lay on her other side on her bed, softly snoring- had woken and sneaked off to the showers. He shuts himself in one of the stalls and turns the shower on, closes his eyes to bring back the dream.

The smile follows instantly as the memory of last evening and the dream mingle, the kisses he and Shiro had shared turning more heat, Shiro’s hands diving deeper underneath Keith’s clothes to find his aching cock.

_“You sound so sweet, Keith. It’s okay to make a little noise, there isn’t anyone else here.”_

Keith’s forehead thuds against the wall as he inhales deep. For a moment he thinks about turning the shower colder, to chase away the remains of his morning erection and not let himself think about Shiro’s mouth on him, Shiro’s cock in Keith’s hand.

The moment passes, however and Keith indulges himself.

_“This is okay, right? You can take out my cock too, sweetheart. I know you want to see it, don’t you?”_

Keith swallows, his nails digging into his thigh. He does want to see it, the dream had made Shiro well-endowed, had given him weight and girth that Keith can feel his mouth getting wet for. He had felt it, that unmistakable bulge underneath Shiro’s pants but had refused to think about it when they had been kissing, had tried his best not to let his thoughts go in that direction lest he lose control completely.

“God,” Keith murmurs, glad to have the showers for himself.

_“How does it feel for you, baby? My cock and yours against each other? See how much I’m already leaking?”_

Keith licks his lips and trails his fingers over his chest, over his stomach, over his thighs. Last evening had given him some material to jerk off to, now he knows just how big and strong Shiro’s hands are on his thighs. God, he should have pulled them to his ass.

Keith wraps his wet fingers around his cock and gives it a few slow strokes. He shudders, his blood humming in his ears.

  _“Anything you want, baby. You want me to suck you off? How would that feel for you?”_

Keith squeezes, gets his other hand into the action too and bites back a groan.

“Shiro,” he murmurs. His fingers are drowsy and slow, still half-asleep as they push back his foreskin and thumb at the sensitive tip, as they fondle and gently squeeze at his balls to urge his sleepy body closer to an orgasm.

_“I adore your cock, baby. It’s so long I almost can’t get all of it into my mouth at once.”_

“Takashi,” comes next from Keith’s slack mouth as he strokes and caresses himself, slowly letting his hips rock into his hands. The hum in his head increases, wiping away all trepidation of doing this in the showers where anyone could walk in and see and hear him. The fantasy feels true, dream-Shiro’s voice whispering sweet yet enticing words into Keith’s ear.

Keith whines and slips his other hand behind his back to his ass, the wet slide of it between his buttocks enticing enough that he shudders.

The dream had continued, had seen Shiro kneel in front of Keith, his hands and mouth quickly undoing Keith who had burst embarrassingly quickly.

Keith bites his lip hard, his rocking hips quickening, his breathing more ragged. His hands are wet and demanding as they caress and stroke and drag him closer to that beautiful heat gathering at the bottom of his stomach.

_“Come anytime you want, sweetheart, I don’t mind. Come on, baby, my beautiful Keith.”_

Keith whimpers, his thumb brushing harder against the tip, feeling it twitch and leak its salty drops. He strokes his cock harder, teases his mostly untouched entrance quicker and thinks about Shiro’s broad shoulders, Shiro’s grin, Shiro’s voice, Shiro’s hands that have touched Keith with such reverence, such kindness.

“Takashi,” Keith stutters, hips rocking .He’s panting now, the wet slide of his hand on his cock downright obscene.

_“You can do it, baby. Let me see your face when you come, alright? Fuck, that’s it, baby.”_

Dream-Shiro continues to whisper and Keith continues to unravel. Once he unloads all over the shower wall and his hand, he lets himself drift in the pleasant haze of the orgasm, lets his breathing come down from the high. His heartbeats slow down to their normal pace, his breathing sounding less like he’s been running a marathon.

Only then realization drifts back into his head and he bites back a frustrated sigh. With a shivering hand he washes away the semen-stains from the wall and doesn’t follow their path down the drain.

He leaves the bathroom with his cheeks flushed and decides on not telling Shiro or anyone for that matter. Masturbating to that dream seems like breaking the promise of taking this whole thing slow anyway.

It makes it kind of hard to look Shiro in the eye at first when they see each other for the first time that day, four hours later during lunch time. Instead of the campus cafeterias, they find themselves once more at the café where they had spent a good amount of time the previous day.

Shiro chats amiably about his morning, Keith nods and hums here and there, distracted by Shiro’s jawline and the glint of his prosthetic hand.

When Shiro finally stills and tilts his head, Keith knows he’s caught.

Keith stirs his tea. Looks around them. Only a few other customers are scattered around the coffee shop, all seemingly half-asleep and too far to hear.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” Shiro hums after a good long sip of his tea. He’s frowning.

Keith nods. “I had a dream last night.” His ears must be pink.

Shiro raises an eyebrow.

Keith shifts. “Kind of a sex dream.”

Shiro smiles. “The good kind?”

“Is there any other kind?”

Shiro shrugs. “I wouldn’t know. I imagine there is.”

Keith huffs and shifts again on his seat, drinks his tea just so that words won’t come bubbling out.

Shiro tilts his head again. Leans against his palm. His smile is completely, utterly disarming. “I’m flattered.”

“I might have jerked off to it this morning,” Keith says then. Watches Shiro’s eyebrows climb upwards again, his smile vanishing. Then coming back in full force. He’s surprised, that’s for sure but- Keith can’t tell. He squirms. “Is that okay?”

Shiro hums and stirs his tea. Watches the spoon clink against the sides of the mug.

Keith gently pokes him with a foot. “Shiro.”

Shiro hums again. Their eyes meet. “Like I said, I’m flattered.” Shiro drinks more of his tea and takes a bite out of his lunch sandwich. “Were you worried about my reaction?”

Keith nods.

“Better to let it out, I’d say. I appreciate you telling me though. It’s not like you can help what dreams you have, right?” Shiro winks.

Keith kicks him in the shin again, this time less gently. Only to cover up the flutter of his heart. “I’m not gonna tell you details, perv.”

Shiro laughs, from the heart, from the bottom of his stomach then and looks so happy that Keith’s stomach turns upside down. “Your privacy is yours, sweetheart. I take it that I have your permission to jerk off to thoughts of you too, huh?”

Keith is glad that he had just swallowed as he sputters, nods hastily. “Don’t tell me though.”

Shiro tilts his head. “Why not?”

Keith stirs his tea. Again and again. It’s gone lukewarm a long time ago. “I told you your kisses already make me…” his neck feels hot. He waves a hand, trying to describe the word horny without actually saying so. He’s a twenty-something man, not even a virgin or a stranger to the world of sex but still his tongue feels oddly tied.

“Flatterer,” Shiro purrs and reaches for Keith, his touch making Keith’s skin tingle.

When they kiss later for goodbyes as Keith heads off to an evening lecture and Shiro heads off to his evening run, Keith isn’t afraid of his own feelings. He clutches Shiro tight, presses himself against Shiro and murmurs Takashi, Takashi until Shiro kisses him again for a longer time, Shiro’s lips tender and soft and plump on Keith’s neck and on Keith’s ears, one earlobe even tugged between his devious teeth.

Keith rubs his thumb over the scar on Shiro’s nose and kisses it, wants to capture the way Shiro smiles at him after that and keep it forever.

~

 **You’re leaving the day after tomorrow, was it?** [8:15pm]

 _Unfortunately. Might even be earlier if duty calls. : (_ [8:15pm]

 **boo** [8:16pm]

 _If it were up to me, sweetheart, I wouldn’t leave you. Especially now that we both know what we feel. <3 And I know how you look like when I kiss you all over. ;)_ [8:16pm]

 **don’t stop kissing me please** [8:16pm]

 _I won’t <3_ [8:17pm]

 **my lips are so numb but I don’t care, I just want more. I’ve had kisses before and attempts at relationships but it’s ridiculous how big the difference between you and them is** [8:17pm]

 **I feel like the most clichéd fireworks-explosion whenever we kiss but there’s no better word for it** [8:17pm]

 **I feel like I’m set on fire from the inside** [8:17pm]

 **and also I feel so safe. I know you’d probably toss me over your shoulder with one hand and with your eyes closed but I feel so safe with you.** [8:18pm]

 _I like that. You know I have never felt safe with myself and I never want to do anything to hurt you and the fact that you say I make you feel safe… It makes me feel very good about myself. So thank you, sweetheart <3_ [8:18pm]

 **It’s the truth. <3** [8:18pm]

 _btw can I add the picture we took earlier today to my Instagram? I won’t tag you but I think anyone relevant will know what it’s about…_ [8:19pm]

 **the hands one? yeah okay.** [8:19pm]

 _thanks <3_ [8:19pm]

 **thanks for asking <3** [8:19pm]

 

# October 18th, 2016

 

_Keith has joined the group chat “Where Art Thou Keef”_

[10:02am]

 **Keith:** …..

 **Lancelot:** HE LIVES :D

 **Keith** : I’m right here

 **Lancelot:** you and Shiro have also been attached by your lips for the past three days and I’m bored and I wanna go bowling with you

 **Keith:** bowling? We haven’t ever been bowling.

 **Lancelot:** you mean you haven’t ever been bowling

 **Keith:** actually no I haven’t. how is that relevant to anything?

 **Lancelot:** : ( it’s relevant to the fact that I wanna take you bowling

 **Keith:** what’s up with you

 **Keith:** wait

 **Lancelot:** NO IT’S NOT THAT

 **Keith:** oh my god Lance are you five

 **Lancelot:** maybe

 **Keith:** I haven’t forgotten you guys

 **Lancelot:** we saw u first :c

 **Keith:** you’re ridiculous

 **Lancelot:** I freely admit to being ridiculous and I realize you’re in love with your stud of a boyfriend and all but if this is what it’s like when you date someone idk

 **Keith:** oh Lance

 **Lancelot:** I’m not jealous

 **Keith:** yes you are

 **Lancelot:** not like, don’t take it like I want you or want Shiro, nah, you’re my bro and Shiro’s kind of yours and I don’t do taken people

 **Keith:** he’s not just kind of mine we’re… he’s my boyfriend you know

 **Lancelot:** aww so you two made it official to each other?

 **Keith:** y-yeah

 **Lancelot:** awwww ANYWAY it’s just you know we just became friends and already your nose is buried either in books or your phone and I miss your grumpy catness

 **Keith:** you want me to be grumpy?

 **Lancelot:** NO just

 **Keith:** oh Lance

 **Lancelot:** don’t pity me

 **Keith:** I don’t. I’ll go bowling with you this weekend okay? Shiro’s leaving soon anyway and he won’t be back anytime soon so please cut me some slack. I like him hell of a lot okay.

 **Lancelot:** anyone within five-mile radius of you two can see that.

 **Keith:** sorry?

 **Lancelot:** you two radiate hearts

 **Keith:** okay

 **Lancelot:** sorry that was stupid. but YES go bowling with me, I promise you it’ll be fun!! ALSO OH OH I’ve forgotten to ask have you asked Shiro about Christmas yet????

 **Keith:** ohh yeah I have! He promised to ask for time off from his instructors and he’ll get back to me for that. It’d be nice.

 **Lancelot:** YESS my family will adore you two

 **Keith:** they live in texas, right? That’s about all  I know

 **Lancelot:** omg be ready. It’s better if I don’t tell you anything so you won’t be prepared  >:D

 **Keith:** Lance….

 **Lancelot:** they’re nice but you know, stunningly beautiful and fiery like yours truly ;D ;D ;D

 **Keith:** sure

 **Lancelot:** you don’t think I’m pretty, Keith? I’m wounded

 **Keith:** you’re plenty pretty, Lance

 **Lancelot:** aww. :’) I’m sure I’m nothing now compared to Mister Tall Dark And Handsome As Fuck

 **Keith:** shush

 **Lancelot:** <3 d’awwwww also can we talk about the caption. ‘Shiro loves you baby’ like really is he a real person or a Disney prince??!

 **Keith:** ashflsd

 **Lancelot:** don’t tell me calls you baby in private too

 **Keith:** shut up Lance

 **Lancelot** : omg

 **Keith:** LANCE

 **Lancelot:** don’t worry I won’t tell. That’s hot though.

 **Keith:** well… yes.

 **Lancelot:** OMG

 **Keith:** LANCE SSH

 **Lancelot:** that’s it. I’m saying it again: let me be one of your best men to the wedding pls I wanna witness the lovestory of the century

 **Keith:** we just started dating like two days ago Lance

 **Lancelot:** well celebs get married after a week of knowing each other so…..

 **Keith:** we’re not celebs though

 **Lancelot:** you should be. I mean, with your face and Shiro’s biceps. Damn.

 **Keith:** his biceps are very nice though.

 **Lancelot:** I bet you’ve touched them plenty.

 **Keith:** not in the way you think, you pervert.

 **Lancelot** : well, what you do or don’t do in the bedroom is none of my business, Kitty Keith. I just have a huge thing about huge biceps like his.

 **Keith:** stop ogling my boyfriend please

 **Lancelot:** sorry  <3

 **Keith:** it kinda makes me happy though. …. he’s very attractive, isn’t he.  >___>

 **Lancelot:** you better keep that man on a leash lest he gets stolen away

 **Keith:** by you?

 **Lancelot:** you’re my bro and you don’t do that to bros

 **Keith:** thanks, Lance.

 **Lancelot:** no prob, bro ;D

_Keith is offline_

_Lancelot has changed the group chat name to “Shiro’s Biceps”_

 

[3:04pm]

 

“So this is you and Pidge’s room, huh? Bigger than I imagined,” is the first thing Shiro says as he follows Keith through the door. Keith pushes the door closed behind them and takes a deep breath.

“Yep. That’s her side as you can notice from the numerous technobabble-posters and gadgets and the hastily made bed and that’s, um, mine.”

Shiro hums and looks through the room with his hands behind his back, looks at Pidge’s technobabble-posters and Keith’s space-posters, even glances out of the window into the campus yard and then back at Keith.

“Bigger than my dorm room,” Shiro says. He reaches out and Keith comes easily, lets Shiro wrap an arm around his waist.

“I was a little scared they wouldn’t let Pidge and me room together but it seems that ever since the new principal started here, they’d been a lot more lenient about letting girls and boys room together. We get more room checks though, no matter how many times we’ve said that we’re more like siblings than anything and that I’m just not attracted to someone who’s like my little sister. Ew.”

“But It’s good to be able to room with your best friend, yes?” Shiro strokes Keith’s side. Keith wraps his own arm around Shiro’s waist, caresses that broad, strong back. Keith smiles up at him, lets Shiro lean down to kiss him.

“Yeah, it is. It helps that- wait, let me finish my sentence-“ the giggle is rather helpless and unwanted when Shiro takes a playful bite at Keith’s nose and kisses his mouth again, turning them chest to chest.

“Helps that?” Shiro asks and gently nudges them towards Keith’s bed.

Keith tries to say it but Shiro withdraws from him and sits down on the bed, pulling Keith on top of him.

“Helps that I lived with the Holts for such a long time,” Keith manages, only slightly breathless when he straddles his boyfriend, laughs when Shiro pecks his cheeks, his hands tickling and teasing beneath Keith’s shirt.

“It’s good to have such a family to go back to,” Shiro hums and wraps his arms tighter around Keith, burying his face into the crook of Keith’s neck. Keith echoes the gesture, his hands gently scratching Shiro’s scalp.

“You okay?” Keith inhales. Closes his eyes. Shiro’s breath against his neck is a little too hot but this feels too important to be worthy of moving.

“For the moment, I am,” Shiro murmurs. “It’s okay to touch you under your shirt, isn’t it?”

Keith hums. “Yeah. When your hands are warm enough, they feel nice.”

For now they are, both large palms cradle Keith, support and keep him gently trapped against Shiro’s still, strong body. As Shiro’s prosthetic fingers don’t seem to have the same level of movement as his other ones, only a few fingers are gently drawing little circles on Keith’s bare back.

“Like this?” Shiro’s voice rumbles pleasantly, like a cat’s purr buzzing against Keith.

“I could fall asleep like this,” Keith mutters, pressing a kiss against Shiro’s shoulder before laying his cheek on it.

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” Shiro says. Keith can feel his lips on his shoulder, then his neck. “I’ll keep you safe.” Shiro’s fingers continue to caress. Even his prosthetic palm is moving a little, stroking across Keith’s sun-warm skin.

Keith keeps his eyes closed. Lets himself drift and drift.

He’s woken by the ringing of a phone- not his own- and by the stifling heat climbing up his body. He grimaces at the feeling in his mouth, blinking in the dimly lit room.

“Shiro?”

They had apparently both fallen asleep like that, holding each other. Shiro shifts, his already slack arms withdrawing from around Keith.

“Ah, dammit,” Shiro murmurs. “It’s Matt, where’s my damn phone-“

Keith cracks a yawn and begins to back away from Shiro’s lap entirely before Shiro pulls him back.

“Mmhm, don’t go anywhere just yet, the phone’s riiight here,” Shiro chuckles and wraps a lazy arm around Keith’s waist again before answering the phone. Keith gratefully lays his head back against Shiro and doesn’t listen to the faint sound of Matt’s voice and Shiro answering him.

“What’s the time?” Keith asks once the phone call is done and the phone tossed back to the bed.

Shiro sighs, his neck cracking as he stretches it. “Close to five. You really fell asleep on me, huh?”

Keith backs off enough to see Shiro’s face, to see that Shiro’s smiling. Keith still says sorry.

“I gotta be heavy. Are you gonna let me go anytime soon?” Shiro’s back brushes across his back to his ass. Shiro gives it a small, half-hearted pat. The palm remains there.

“I have to go in a minute, unfortunately,” Shiro huffs. “Damn. I was hoping to kiss you on your bed.”

Keith flicks his forehead. “I don’t think I would want to come in my pants like some teenager.”

Shiro gives his ass a squeeze, laughs when Keith jolts and pinches Shiro’s nose. “You’re adorable, Keith,” Shiro says and grabs Keith’s wrist, brings Keith’s hands to his lips and kisses each knuckle like he had done on that day in the coffeeshop.

Keith’s nose wrinkles. “If my studies begin to get fucked because of you, I’ll, I’ll-“

Shiro raises an eyebrow. His palm strokes Keith’s clothed ass again, the same gentle circles as earlier. That devious, smiling mouth takes a fingertip in and licks it.

“You’ll what?” Shiro asks as Keith pulls his hand back.

“I hate you,” Keith huffs and flicks Shiro’s forehead again.

“Mhhmmhm,” says Shiro and pulls him back into a kiss that turns into another and another and another, only to be broken by another phone call.

With a groan Shiro leads them off the bed and on their feet, together they unruffled messy hair and straighten messed up clothes, peck each other’s mouths and cheeks and go outside where a frustrated and tired Matt is waiting.

Keith barely notices him, his attention all on Shiro, his body thrumming with the attention it had gotten.

God. He’s got it so bad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i don't want Shiro to go back to the academy i want him and Keith to be happy boyfriends forever  
> also me: do you realize it's your fic  
> me: but the Plot  
> me: what plot  
> me: The Plot


	18. somewhere only we know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro goes back home. Shiro pines. Keith pines.

# October 19th, 2016

 

 _Breakfast? <3_ [7:30am]

 **Come to my room. <3** [7:32am]

 **pidge stayed over at Allura’s** [7:32am]

 **to give us time** [7:32am]

 _Okay <3_ [7:32am]

 **okay** [7:33am]

 

Didn’t Shiro arrive just yesterday? Wasn’t it just a moment ago that Keith had practically confessed his love and Shiro had said all those things that had made Keith’s toes curl? Now that Shiro is finally Keith’s boyfriend, instead of spending all of their waking hours with each other, the hour of Shiro and Matt’s departure is already coming.

And Shiro is going back.

Back to his sentence, back to the Academy that had taken away so much from him and most importantly, away from Keith and from all that has brought such a happy smile to Shiro’s face. Keith doesn’t want sadness to paint Shiro’s face dark ever again.

So when he opens his room’s door to let Shiro in, he takes Shiro’s hand between his own and kisses it, kisses each fingertip, lets Shiro lay his palm on Keith’s cheek.

“Oh, Keith,” whispers Shiro, so achingly tender that Keith has to bite back a stab of sadness himself.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere,” Keith says and kisses Shiro’s wrist, lets his lips remain on the steady pulse.

“I don’t want to go anywhere from you, sweetheart,” Shiro says and cups Keith’s face. Shiro’s smile is warm. Keith can’t find it in himself to answer it, grabs a fistful of Shiro’s shirt and sighs, deep and aching.

“I kinda want coffee and a proper breakfast but I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to be here with you until you have to go.”

Two o’clock looms in the near future. Even closer is the hour of departure to the airport.

Shiro’s thumbs rub Keith’s temples, slide further down to press against his lips. Keith closes his eyes.

“Can I kiss you now?” It’s sweet of Shiro to ask, really but he should know by now that Keith’s heart beats faster only for him, his lips part to accept no one else’s lips but Shiro’s.

Keith answers by tugging Shiro’s shirt. Shiro chuckles; a warm, rumbly sound that he muffles against Keith’s mouth. Their mouths push and open against each other, Keith’s lips soft, Shiro’s lips just a bit chapped but it matters little. Keith clutches Shiro’s shirt tightly, glad that it’s not tugged in so he can slide a few swift fingers underneath.

Shiro stills, their mouths parting just enough that they can draw air.

“Can I… is this okay?” Keith swallows. His fingers find the raised bumps of various scars, the curves of Shiro’s muscles.

“You’d be the first to touch my bare skin with kindness,” Shiro says. He dives down for another kiss, he grabs Keith’s wrist and gives it a tug. Keith takes the hint and slides his hands further underneath Shiro’s shirt, eager to explore now that he has permission but still hesitant to go too far.

He trails his fingers over scars and scratches, over Shiro’s quivering muscles. Keith’s fingers caress and stroke wherever they reach, only stopping once they reach the hardened buds of Shiro’s nipples.

“Okay?” Keith breathes out, barely even noticing that Shiro’s hand has slid into his neck and grabbed a fistful of hair.

Shiro groans, pushes himself onwards. “It’s okay, baby,” he murmurs, his tongue flicking over and between Keith’s lips. “They’re just a bit sensitive. It’s okay to touch me.”

Keith whimpers when Shiro presses them closer together, pushes and pushes until he’s trapped Keith between himself and the wall. Keith groans, his fingertips pressing harder down onto Shiro’s pecs, pinching and tugging at his nipples until Shiro growls against his lips and pushes himself away from Keith.

Keith’s hands slip, his eyes still closed as he desperately grabs for something to hold on and curls around Shiro’s belt hoops.

“I-I know we said we’re not ready and I’m sorry, I went ahead and just did what I wanted,” Keith starts but Shiro clicks his tongue, places a warm hand against Keith’s cheek.

Their eyes meet and Keith feels burned alive from the sheer love in Shiro’s gaze. Shiro breaths hard, takes a moment to ground himself, presses their foreheads together.

“I’m sorry, it seems I can lose control when I let things get too far,” Shiro murmurs, still stroking Keith’s cheek.

“Not going to lie,” Keith huffs, eyes closed again. Shiro’s forehead is warm against his. “That growl was pretty hot.”

Shiro snorts. Keith’s groin throbs but he ignores it, tries his hardest to ignore it. This doesn’t feel like the right moment anyway for anything, this would be just born out of desperation, not out of the need to see each other’s bodies entirely. To know each other through and through.

It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

“Can we promise each other one thing?” Keith licks his lips. Doesn’t open his eyes. Shiro keeps stroking his heated skin, slowly, gently.

“Anything, sweetheart.”

“That-“ Keith clears his throat, has to smile when Shiro shifts to kiss him on the nose. “-when we decide it’s time to have sex or you know, do anything below the belt, that we do it when we have plenty of time? That we take our time? I think you deserve it.”

Shiro hums. Shiro takes a deep breath and stays silent for such a long while that Keith opens his eyes.

“We both deserve it,” Shiro says. “I promise to kiss you all over until that cute blush you get spreads all over. I wonder if it spreads all over. I also promise to shave so you won’t get beard burns.”

Keith snorts, wraps his arms around Shiro’s waist and lays his head on Shiro’s shoulder.

“Okay then. I promise to touch you all over. With my hands. You know. And with my mouth if you want.  I want to know… if you are willing, I’d like to know every single one of your scars,” Keith murmurs.

Shiro’s arms wrap around Keith in return, his hot breath hitting Keith’s hair, his fingers sliding into the wild mess that Keith’s hair has become.

“Who’s the sap now,” Shiro says, his voice achingly fragile.

“You made me one,” Keith huffs, squeezes his boyfriend a little tighter, just inhaling deep and listening to Shiro’s steady, calm heartbeat.

“I like you a lot, Keith,” Shiro says after a moment of silence, his fingers stroking Keith’s hair. Keith nods, eyes closed; face smushed against that good spot against Shiro’s neck.

“I like you a lot, Takashi,” Keith murmurs, feels more than hears Shiro’s chuckle.

“My boyfriend is adorable,” Shiro says then and their embrace breaks as Shiro leads them to Keith’s bed, to lie down together.

“My boyfriend is cute,” Keith says after Shiro has raised his eyebrows and pat the space next to him. Keith rolls his eyes.

Shiro laughs. “Oh? And who is your boyfriend? I might know him.”

Keith rolls his eyes again, dutifully lays down next to Shiro. Shiro’s warms wrap around him instantly and pull him on top of Shiro.

“He’s pretty fine,” Keith says after a moment of contemplation, shifting until he’s lying down more comfortably. Shiro’s hands wrap around him lazily, fingers once more sliding through Keith’s hair.

“Hmm? Is he goodlooking?”

Keith closes his eyes, tugs himself better against Shiro. “Mmmhm. He’s pretty. Chiseled jawline. Chiseled abs. Has very warm, big hands. Gives good massages, I think.”

Shiro’s prosthetic, being a little less flexible and movable as Shiro’s other hand settles on Keith’s back, rubbing him gently and slightly clumsily. “You think he gives good massages?”

Keith hums. “Well, he hasn’t given me one yet but he’s very good at gentle caresses and lovely kisses so I kinda figured he’d be good at massages too.”

Shiro’s laughter rumbles once more. If only Keith could bottle it up. Keith slips his hands once more underneath Shiro’s shirt, but only to press his palms against Shiro’s aforementioned abs. With each breath Shiro takes, the abs shift.

“I do give good massages, sweetheart,” Shiro murmurs. “I’ll give you one someday. You’ll melt.”

Keith can feel himself drifting dangerously close to sleep. “I already melt around you, Takashi.”

“Oh, Keith,” Shiro says and that’s all Keith hears before he’s fast asleep.

~

 _img2034.jpeg_ [11:02am]

 _you two_ [11:02am]

 **oh god pidge** [11:02am]

 **… well that’s a cute picture though but still…** [11:03am]

 _sorry, I have never NEVER seen you sleep so calmly. Did he stroke your hair until you fell asleep?_ [11:03am]

 **well.. yes**. [11:03am]

 _he’s a keeper, Keith._ [11:03am]

 **I know. That’s why he’s my boyfriend.** [11:04am]

 _You know, I’m happy for you, Keith. Honestly._ [11:04am]

 **I know : )** [11:04am]

 **also I’m keeping this pic because cute** [11:05am]

 _you’re welcome to post it on Instagram_ [11:05am]

 **maybe later <3** [11:05am]

~

Eating and that day’s lecture is something of an annoying necessity so after the latter Keith and Shiro make their way to the cafeteria. Keith idly chews on a sandwich with his other hand held in Shiro’s and Shiro munches on his salad. They draw glances, naturally but Keith couldn’t care less. He wouldn’t have even eaten at all, just laid in bed with Shiro until the time of departure if it weren’t for Shiro himself.  

“Keith,” Shiro says now, salad already finished, his thumb still idly rubbing Keith’s hand.

The lump in Keith’s throat is huge. He tries to swallow. “I just got you,” he says.

“I know,” Shiro says. Like this, outside of the room and without much privacy, Shiro has pulled the sleeve of his hoodie all the way to his fingertips so his prosthetic is barely visible. Keith still feels the edges and seams of the gleaming silver fingers when they touch.

“Christmas is pretty damn far away,” Keith huffs. He’s aware of his pout, of how whiny his voice is gotten but really, it had barely been four days and already Shiro’s going back to not being a physical presence in his life.

“It will come,” Shiro says and takes Keith’s hand between his, brings Keith’s wrist to his lips and kisses it, even pulls back the leather bands covering the scar to kiss it again.

Keith flushes, his fingers curling. “I’ll be counting the days.”

Shiro smiles. “Me too.”

They finish eating. They find their friends enjoying the chilly day outside and sit beside them, listening in on Lance’s stories and Pidge’s wild dreams. Shiro is always touching Keith in some way, brushing Keith’s hair or an arm wrapped around Keith’s waist. They keep sharing small kisses, lips brushing over ears and cheeks and even over lips.

Lance snaps a few pictures. Keith kicks him in the shin but only to cover up how hard he’s blushing.

The clock ticks onwards and onwards and onwards.

When Shiro’s phone buzzes, Keith’s smile drops.

He doesn’t let go of Shiro’s hand, even when Lance goes for a hug, even when Hunk does, even when Pidge reaches to clap Shiro on the back. Not even when Allura takes the lead in leading them towards the parking lot where Matt and the car is already waiting.

Everything’s too quick and Keith curls up against Shiro the instant they sit down and put their seatbelts on.

Everything’s too quick. It’s a little hard to breathe.

“Ssh,” murmurs Shiro, his arm so safe, so heavy around Keith’s shoulders.

“Text me the instant you land, okay?” Keith mutters, squeezing Shiro’s hand tight.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

All the things Keith wants to say, all of them are stuck on his tongue, hidden inside his heart. None of them feel like enough to describe to Shiro what Shiro means to him: what it means to Keith that his friends did this, brought this man to him. So Keith stays silent, lets himself be caressed, reaches to kiss Shiro gently again and again, to press their foreheads together until they’re just breathing in each other’s scents, their breaths mingling like they were one and the same.

In a way they already are.

Too soon Allura clears her throat from next to them, having kept her gaze on her phone through the entirety of the car journey.

“Guys, we need to get out of the car and get Shiro and Matt to the check-in,” she says gently. Keith stays silent. Shiro grips his hand tight and leads them out of the car. Every second where they are not touching feels like too much.

Keith wishes he had asked for Pidge to come with: she would have known how to keep him company the best on the return-trip.

On the return-trip without Shiro.

Keith’s hold of Shiro’s hand is tight, too tight but Shiro never makes a sound, merely presses his nose against Keith’s temple and kisses him. Keith drifts through the check-in. Through the wait and wait and wait for the plane. He doesn’t listen to what Allura and Matt talk about, to Shiro’s rumbling answers. He doesn’t listen to the buzzing noise of the airport.

Only when Shiro’s hands cup his face again does Keith blink and ground himself, realizing that his face is wet.

 “Oh, Keith,” whispers Shiro, forever tender. “My Keith. Even when I say you shouldn’t cry for me, you still do.”

Keith inhales. Exhales. “H-how do you know I’m crying for you? Maybe I’m happy you’re leaving.”

It’s worth of it. Just to see the flash of Shiro’s grin and hear him purr another ‘sweetheart’ against Keith’s lips. It’s worth of it just to get that kiss, that deep, deep kiss and Shiro’s arms around him one final time because it’s already that time and already Shiro is pulling away from him.

“No,” slips out of Keith’s mouth and he bites hard on his lip.

“We will be fine,” Shiro says and kisses his own fingertips, then reaches to press those same fingertips to Keith’s mouth.

Keith lets out a breathless, helpless little laugh. “You’re a sap.”

“I’m your sap,” Shiro says and then he turns to show his ID and ticket, right after the stern-faced Matt. Keith wraps his arms around himself. _I love you, I love you, I love you,_ his heartbeats say. His mouth says nothing.

Before the doors Shiro looks over his shoulder one final time and smiles, waves.

Keith waves back, forces a smile to his face. It’s worth of it just to see Shiro’s grin before the doors close behind him.

“Keith? Do you want to go back to the dorm?” Allura’s voice is like a calm melody that Keith grounds himself in. He doesn’t look her in the eye.

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “Can you tell Pidge to come up too as soon as possible. She knows what’s up:”

“Alright, Keith.”

Allura, mercifully enough, stays silent after that.

~

 _We have landed safely and soundly and are on our way back to the Academy! I thought I could handle being without you but I already miss you._ [4:56pm]

 **I miss you too. It was barely four days, that’s just not enough. There’s so much I want to say to you and do with you.** [4:56pm]

 _I know, sweetheart. But I believe we will be fine._ [4:56pm]

 **I want to believe that too.** [4:57pm]

 _I’m not going anywhere even when we can’t see each other in person, okay? Can you believe that? For me?_ [4:57pm]

 **I can.** [4:57pm]

 _Just to be sure, I meant everything I said to you. I want us to be boyfriends, no matter what life throws in front of us. I like you so much, Keith. You touching me and being around me and just talking with me makes me feel like the luckiest, happiest man alive._ [4:58pm]

 **sap. <3** [4:58pm]

 _and utterly, utterly yours._ [4:58pm]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> saaaaap so much saaaaap 
> 
> remember when this was just a texting fic guess what we're back to that because half of october and november and half of december is a long time and i'm hard at work thinking of Stuff and Things that are going to happen   
> not everything can be Fluffy Sheith all the time   
> me: why not  
> me: because... ... ummm.......   
> me: exactly


	19. Your voice carries me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens at Shiro's Academy. Keith tries to deal. Even through the dark days, hope of a better tomorrow still blooms.

# October 20th, 2016

 

 _I miss you._ [6:30am]

 **I miss you more.** [8:55am]

# October 21 st, 2016

 

 **How are you? Haven’t heard from you all morning.** [10:05am]

 **You know me, I worry**. [10:05am]

 

 **I guess you’re busy.** [1:30pm]

 **I hope nothing has happened that you can’t come to the phone.** [1:30pm]

 

 **Please text me.** [2:35pm]

 

 **Shiro where are you** [4:04pm]

 **is it me? am I too much after all?** [4:15pm]

 

 **please text me or call me or something** [6:03pm]

 **are you okay?** [6:04pm]

 

 **Takashi, please** [8:15pm]

 

_In-coming call from: **Takashi <3**_

_[1:03am]_

Keith is woken from his slumber by the stubborn buzzing from underneath his pillow. His eyes half-closed he squints at the screen, mouth in a soft gasp that’s not enough to wake up Pidge from the other side of the room.

Keith takes the buzzing phone, his hoodie and gets on unsteady feet, tip-toeing out of the room and into the hallway towards the roof.

“Takashi?” He says as he answers the call, voice barely above a whisper as he makes his way to the roof.

For a second there’s nothing but the rustle of something like clothes, then Shiro’s voice, so silent, so tired: _“Keith, my Keith.”_

Keith’s throat burns as he pulls his hood up and settles against the door leading to the roof, listening to the wind howling outside. The door is cold against Keith’s back.

“Are you okay?” Keith pulls his knees against his chest, curls himself into the tiniest position possible.

Shiro sighs. _“No.”_ More rustling. Then the creak of a door. _“Some things happened during my trip to yours and I had to deal with them. Some of them.”_

Keith keeps his eyes closed, tears prickling underneath his eyelids. He doesn’t say anything, barely remembers to breathe. He doesn’t want to miss a single word from that beloved mouth.

_“Apparently someone had snooped on my reasons to go and found out I went to meet with someone. I’m sorry, sweetheart. They found out about you.”_

Keith sits absolutely still. “Did they do something to you? Did they say something to you? Don’t worry about me, what about you!” Shiro had smiled so much with Keith. Shiro had kept laughing. There had been darkness and shadows and a heavy weight on his shoulders but he had still managed to smile and laugh and be the most tender person Keith has ever known.

_“No, they… well, they took my phone away for the day. I’m sorry. They’ve also taken to making surprise inspections to this room. They say it’s because they’re thinking of offering me the chance to become an officer and all, but they just- the Academy doesn’t want us to have connections to the outside world. Even the ones who are married have a hard time getting to see their spouses. Much less me who’s already under scrutiny. And as sad as it is, you being a man is a problem for them.”_

“Fucking piece of-“ Keith starts, his breath hitching as tears burn his eyes. “That’s it, I’m coming and kicking their fucking asses for scaring the shit out of me and torturing my kind, tender, beautiful boyfriend and-“

Keith’s voice fades when he realizes Shiro is laughing. Quiet, tired and not like the loud and boisterous laugh from when Shiro was physically here but still a laugh.

 _“I think I love you, Keith,”_ Shiro says.

Keith must have made a noise because Shiro hums then _. “I do.”_

“Say that to my face next time, Takashi,” Keith murmurs.

 _“I will, sweetheart.”_  Shiro sighs again, deeply. _“And another thing. Apparently my roommate killed himself a couple of days ago.”_

Keith stills. “I’m sorry.”

Shiro hums. _“I’m sorry too. We weren’t the best of friends but I feel like we had some sort of a comradery. And the thing is, I- um. I don’t think it was a suicide.”_

Keith draws breath. Squeezes his eyes closed. “You mean he was killed?”

Shiro shifts, does something that makes the line go deathly quiet for a second. _“Yes. Like I said, we weren’t the best of friends but I knew enough of him to know he was honorable and considered suicide one of the highest forms of dishonor one could do to one’s body and soul. I don’t know what to think about this.”_

“Just- just keep your head down and please be safe. I’ve just gotten you, I don’t want to lose you instantly.” Keith curls his free arm around his knees and hugs himself, wishing he could curl into himself further and further. “Are you getting a new roommate?”

Shiro sighs. _“Yes.”_

Nausea claws at Keith’s throat. “And? Who is it? Do you know them?”

_“First of all, Keith, promise me you won’t come here to try to rescue me. Promise me you will stay put and go to school and stay as far away from this place as possible.”_

“Shiro-“

“Promise me.”

A chill runs through Keith. “Okay. I promise.”

Shiro sighs again. His voice cracks. Just enough to be noticeable. _“It’s Sendak. He, uh. He’s sort of my upperclassman.”_

Keith bites his lip, chews until he can feel blood. “Please don’t tell me he was one of those who...”

_“He was one of the people who hazed me.”_

Keith inhales deep. Exhales deep. His heart thuds, thuds, thuds. He keeps his eyes closed. “Will he do something to you? Can you be safe with him in the same room?”

Shiro hums. _“Truth to be told, I can’t be sure. Sendak’s a bastard, the worst kind of a bastard. You’ve seen them in movies, heard of them in rumours. You know. Those big bad school ground bullies, the worst of the worst in armies. But this school ground bully is a head taller than me, way wider than me and actually enjoys being here. The only reason he’s not an officer is that he really can’t be trusted with his own command. He has little regard for the lives of his fellow men.”_

“Fuck,” Keith grits out, nails digging into his knees. Just a couple of days ago he and Shiro were kissing, promising each other hope and love and a bright morning for both without fear.

_“That’s one word for it. So well. It means I can’t text you as much as I would like before. I don’t want to give him any incentive to find out about you- well, more than it is already know. Don’t worry, they just know there is someone in my life and your name but not your surname or where in Arkansas you are but that’s more than enough. He’s a bad man, Keith. He won’t just make my life difficult or take perverse pleasure in torture and violence, I fear he will do something to you even when he is here. It’s not myself I fear for, it’s you.”_

“You are such a fucking dumbass, I’m not the one who’s there!” Keith stands up, his voice so loud it echoes around the rooftop-stairway. “Be worried for yourself, you fucking idiot.”

Shiro sighs, lets out a tired, soft chuckle _. “You are right, of course. But how can I not worry when I am among such people and you are far away where I can’t even see you? How can I not worry that I could still be like them when you are not here to ground me? I love you, sweetheart and I want you safe from the worst of this world forever.”_

Keith places his palm against his eyes, digs the heel of his palm against his eyelids but the tears keep coming.

 _“Oh, sweetheart. My gentle-hearted beautiful Keith_ ,” Shiro whispers.

“I hate you,” Keith says, his voice cracking.

 _“I love you,”_ Shiro says, his voice trembling _. “I still believe we will be fine. Not just you. Not just me. We. We will be fine. Can you believe in that with me, sweetheart? That we will be fine and that there will be so many days when you will see nothing but my face and you will even get tired of it?”_

“I want to wake up to your face every day,” Keith whispers, leans back against the wall. He sniffles.

_“You will. I will try my best to stay safe, sweetheart. I will fight for a chance to kiss you breathless again. Please believe that.”_

Keith nods. Wipes his eyes. “Yeah. Do that. I will kick your ass if you don’t. I will then come to your shitty Academy and kick everyone’s asses for making your life miserable. And then I will kick your ass again. And maybe then I will kiss you. Maybe.”

The pout, although Shiro can’t see it and the tone works because Shiro laughs. _“I will hold you onto that, my love. I’m sorry I can’t be around as much as I want to from today onwards but believe me, it’s not because I want to. If it were up to me, I’d still be there with you. Please don’t lose sleep over me. Please concentrate on your studies, okay?”_

Keith sucks his lower lip into his mouth and tastes iron. “Okay.”

_“Good. I’m sorry I woke you.”_

“No, it’s okay. I was beyond myself with worry when you didn’t answer for hours.”

_“Again, I’m sorry for that. I never mean to hurt you, sweetheart.”_

“I know. Can you say it again?” Keith shifts. He begins to make his way back downstairs.

Shiro hums. _“Say what?”_

Keith stills. Closes his eyes. If he imagines hard enough, he can feel Shiro’s hand in his. “That you love me.”

Shiro chuckles. He makes a kissing sound. _“I love you, Keith Kogane. Now go to bed and dream of me.”_

Keith does go to bed. But the only dreams he has are restless ones that he wakes disgruntled and grumpy from, so much that his friends take one look at his face and send him back to bed.

Keith can’t find it in himself to tell them about Shiro just yet.

# October 22th, 2016

 

 **I miss you. Is it okay if I tell the others you can’t really be around so much anymore? I won’t tell them the reasons.** [8:35am]

 

 **I meant what I said. I want to wake up to you. Every day.** [3:40pm]

 

 _Sendak moved in today. He is as rude as I remember. I stay quiet and do what I need to do and he leaves me alone. I don’t think he even remembers the hazing. I’m sorry I keep bringing it up. I’m… mostly okay. I miss you so much it hurts._ [8:15pm]

 _I love you._ [8:15pm]

 _Tell the others. I miss them too. I hope you’re spending time with them. Please don’t be alone._ [8:16pm]

 

 **This world doesn’t deserve you, Takashi. I miss you so much it hurts.** [8:20pm]

 

 _Good night, sweetheart. Dream of me._ [10:55pm]

# October 24 th, 2016

 

Hey bro, for what it’s worth, we’re all super-worried for you and Keith’s gone back to full-on Grumpy Cat and we miss your Hunky Self [10:03pm]

and I miss your selfies booo [10:03pm]

your shitty army school can go suck my dick [10:03pm]

or maybe not, I prefer my dick where it is [10:04pm]

I’ll stop talking about my dick now [10:04pm]

~

 _I’ve been talking to Matt- you know, my brother that you unknowingly helped me kinda reconnect with- and he says they put you in a room with one of the people who hazed you and caused you to lose your arm?? what the fucking fuck kind of a bullshit lemme hack your school_ [11:00pm]

 ~

** Keith told us he told you about why we he wants to become a nasa-scientist or an astronaut. for what it’s worth, I want to say that it will do you good to look at the stars. No, they won’t solve your problems or chase away demons or anything but just… maybe they’ll calm you down. Make you feel closer to Keith. **

**Or you could just, you know, eat. I hope you get good food in there. We’re all waiting to see you at Christmas. You’ll love it! :--))** [11:30pm]

~

 **I don’t know if you can look at my Insta but we went bowling today. Lance made fun of my ponytail. I kicked his ass in bowling. Who’s the real winner here. I don’t think he made fun of it to be a dick, I think he’s just as worried as the rest of them though. I miss you I miss you I miss you** [8:04pm]

 **please remember that you are not like them. you will not become like them. you have been nothing but tender and sweet and loving to me and good to my friends and you have the kindest, most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Please be safe.** [8:06pm]

~

 _please send my regards to your friends. They sent me messages today and made me smile. Please hug your pillow tonight and imagine it’s me. It’s been barely a few days and already I don’t know how you smell or how you taste. I’m safe. Sendak’s an asshole. I’m still here._ [11:05pm]

# October 25 th, 2016

 

 _I hope you’re doing good in your studies. I miss you_. [5:45am]

 

 **I miss you more.** [8:15am]

 **A test today. I feel it’s going to be okay, it’s a fun subject**. [8:15am]

 

 **I dreamed about your hands last night. Do you ever think about how powerful human hands are? We can destroy, kill, maim, sure but… we can give pleasure, we can give life, we can show affection. Your hands are not the hands of a violent man. They are the hands of my boyfriend who loves me and who’ll one day make love to me and who I miss more than the goddamn air I breathe.** [10:04am]

 

 _I hope the test went well. Your belief in my ability to be a good man after all gives me hope. I’m glad I can call you mine, sweetheart. Good night._ [11:03pm]

# October 26 th, 2016

 

 _Room inspections no longer arbitrarily done to our room but I still don’t dare to use my phone so much. I don’t want to lose it again and scare you. Sendak keeps watch. I have a feeling he was ordered to my room to keep an eye on me. They can’t very well have a fag in their crew, can’t they._ [5:45am]

 _I am not ashamed to love who I love, don’t worry about that. I’m sorry I make you cry._ [5:45am]

 

 **They’ll be sorry if they try to keep you away from me for too long. I want to be with you so badly. I’m spending time with my friends, don’t worry about them.** [10:00am]

 **IF this is what love is, then I don’t regret it. I keep thinking about that telescope and the stars that I saw back in the day. Please look at them too**. [10:01am]

# October 27 th, 2016

 

 **Good morning.** [8:15am]

 **We’re going to a party today. Except some drunken texts**. [8:15am]

 **Don’t worry, the whole crew’s coming with me. I’ll be safe**. [8:15am]

 **although no one makes me feel as safe as you**. [8:15am]

 

 _I hope the party’s good._ [8:02pm]

 _I am in one piece. Sparred with Sendak today. He’s very strong._ [8:02pm]

 _But I’m okay. I feel nothing but hatred when I look at Sendak. He may not remember the hazing but I do. And Ulaz was a good man and a better roommate._ [8:03pm]

# October 28 th, 2016

 

 **I ncant spell corelctly evn wth autuo corrct** [1:03am]

 **tyeh sya ive darnk too mchu** [1:03am]

 **tkashi tkaashi I whs you wer here** [1:03am]

 **I love you** [1:04am]

 

 _He made it to his bed safe. I hope you are safe too, Shiro._ [04:02am]

 

 _Thank you, Pidge. <3 Please take care of him for me._ [05:55am]

# October 29th, 2016

 

 **wow drunken texts are correct** [11:03am]

 **I feel like death** [11:03am]

 **you’d probably laugh at me stumbling drunkenly through the dancefloor and chugging shot after shot** [11:03am]

 **the last thing I said though… . ti’s .. it’s not a drunken thing. I think this is it. I mean. Love.** [11:04am]

 

 _Love you too, sweetheart. <3 We’ll go to a bar if you want someday, although you’ll have to do the drinking for both of us._ [8:03pm]

 _I’ll take you home safe at a reasonable time and tuck you in the bed. <3_ [8:03pm]

 _Nothing mentionable happened today. Ulaz’s death ruled officially as a horrific accident. Not that much better from a suicide. But it’s something._ [8:04pm]

 _I kicked Sendak’s ass in training today. I don’t think he was particularly happy about it._ [8:04pm]

 _I’m okay_. [8:04pm]

# October 30 th, 2016

 

 **can you believe it’s almost the end of this year? that we’ve been talking for such a little time but already I feel like there’s a life Before You and the life Right Now where you are** [12:03am]

 **I love you, Takashi Shirogane.** [12:03am]

 **It feels… good to write it out. I can’t wait to say it out loud**. [12:04am]

 

 _We will have to make plans on when we can call each other. I’ll try during one of my morning or evening runs. Sendak has unfortunately joined me during those so I haven’t exactly dared to do anything with my phone. I think he wants to go through it. Or would go through it if I didn’t keep it at hand at all times._ [11:34pm]

 _Well. Something good came out of today. I went around all of my instructors, went all the way to the bigwigs of this place and they have officially granted me leave during Christmas-time. I have been the most well-behaved student slash prisoner after all no matter how much Sendak and his goons try to make me seem like I’m not. We’ll get to spend Christmas together. <3_ [11:35pm]

 _Good night, sweetheart. I will kiss you when we see each other again, first thing._ [11:35pm]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY!!
> 
> THEY'LL BE FINE. HAPPY ENDING. I PROMISE. <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> November goes on. November passes. Shiro and Keith have hope.

# November 15th, 2016

 

 _I miss you._ [6:03pm]

**I miss you. [6:03pm]**

**How was your day? [6:03pm]**

_Would have been better with your hand in mine._ [6:04pm]

 **We’ll see each other in a month. <3** [6:04pm]

 _That’s what’s keeping me going right now. <3 _[6:04pm]

 **Me too**. [6:04pm]

 _I did see the photos you put up from the party a couple of days ago. I like your smile_. [6:04pm]

 **I was kinda drunk though** [6:05pm]

 _drunk you is as cute as sober you, baby._ [6:05pm]

 **oh you** [6:05pm]

 _< 3 I’m getting some repairs done to my arm tomorrow, nothing bad, just general check-ups and so and that’s gonna take forever so don’t be scared if I don’t answer by the evening. I wish I dared to Skype with you, I want to see your face. But Sendak keeps shadowing me._ [6:06pm]

 **I wanna kick his ass.** [6:06pm]

 _remember the part where I said he’s like a head taller than me_ [6:06pm]

 **still. he’s hurt you and that’s enough of a reason to hate him.** [6:07pm]

 _You know I love you, right?_ [6:09pm]

 **Yes.** [6:09pm]

 _Just… I’m sorry. I keep mentioning him to you and reminding you of his existence. It’s fine. I’m fine. Other than that I have to sleep in the same room as him but I have you to talk to and you to think about. Believe it or not but just the mere thought of you helps keep me going._ [6:10pm]

 **you’re a sap.** [6:10pm]

 **but I I- I love you. Yeah**. [6:10pm]

 _I love you too._ [6:11pm]

 **it’s fine. I’d rather you tell me what’s going on with you than not tell me anything. And I’ve already promised I won’t do anything rash. Just… stay in one piece. I want to kiss and hug my boyfriend without more scars on him.** [6:11pm]

 _Your boyfriend wants that too. <3_ [6:11pm]

 _Don’t worry, I’m fighting hard._ [6:11pm]

 **You shouldn’t have to.** [6:12pm]

 _Yeah. I’m beginning to believe it when you say that. But such is life right now. Don’t worry your pretty head too much, sweetheart, in under a month we’ll be seeing each other again. <3_ [6:12pm]

 **I’m keeping you this time. You’re not going anywhere.** [6:12pm]

 _oh Keith_ [6:13pm]

 **don’t o keith me** [6:13pm]

 _< 3<3_ [6:14pm]

 **Lance says to link this to you<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wmc8bQoL-J0> because it’s your theme song ** [6:14pm]

 _:D :D :D thank you for making me laugh. Thank Lance too. Just don’t kiss him. I’d rather you save kisses for me. .. if that’s okay_ [6:14pm]

 **I have literally never wanted to kiss anyone else but you so** [6:15pm]

 _really? never?_ [6:15pm]

 **yeah. is that… weird?** [6:15pm]

 _wow. I’m flattered. Was I your first? ;)_ [6:16pm]

 **sorry, a girl in the orphanage beat you to it. we were like ten and she stuck her tongue down my throat because she had seen two of the staff members making out earlier that day and apparently I was the first one who was gullible enough to want to experiment with her** [6:17pm]

 _oh god. I’m sorry but that’s- I’m sorry I’m laughing_ [6:18pm]

 **don’t apologize, dumbo, it was a forever ago and wasn’t exactly the most traumatizing thing that happened to me ever since, I didn’t even remember it before just now.** [6:18pm]

 **also not the thing that made me realize I was gay** [6:18pm]

 _mmm and what was?_ [6:19pm]

 **Shiro** [6:19pm]

 _< 3 you don’t have to answer!_ [6:19pm]

 **okay this is embarrassing but …. reading Oscar Wilde and the fact that I read Pride and Prejudice and realized I wanted to bang Mr Darcy.** [6:19pm]

 **also the fact that a guy in the orphanage kept doing push-ups shirtless and he had a very nice back** [6:19pm]

 **not as nice as yours though, from what I’ve.. um.. groped.** [6:20pm]

 _that’s beyond adorable_ [6:20pm]

 _Wilde is perfectly acceptable gay awakening. As well as shirtless push-ups. If you want to see me doing shirtless push-ups, I’m willing to experiment_. [6:20pm]

 **Shiro please** [6:20pm]

 _;D ;D ;D_ [6:20pm]

 **you are such a dork** [6:21pm]

 **in a very good way though. also my dork so there’s that .** [6:21pm]

 _yess <3_ [6:21pm]

 **um can I ask- oh you’re just gonna say I can ask you anything so I’m just… I know you’re attracted to me and I’m a guy and all but do you have like, do you identify your sexuality as anything or, this is worded so badly but you know** [6:22pm]

 _don’t worry, baby, I know what you’re trying to ask_ [6:22pm]

 _my sexual orientation has been something of a question mark for me always and just something I haven’t ever thought about much. It just hasn’t been important. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of teenage fumblings but have never quite made a distinction between the sexes  and genders I’m attracted to. So I guess pansexual would be the best definition? Currently I think I’m keithsexual though ;)_ [6:24pm]

 **asfdsg** [6:24pm]

 **that was awful** [6:24pm]

 **but I’m still blushing so what gives** [6:24pm]

 _:D :D success! <3_ [6:25pm]

 **can I um ask who was your first kiss then?** [6:25pm]

 _ahhh well.. it was Allura. We were twelve and she was worried she’d never have a boyfriend and worried she’d have an awful first kiss so I kind of volunteered._ [6:25pm]

 **that’s actually… pretty cute. So you’ve always been an abnormally nice** guy [6:26pm]

 _you’re not weirded out by it?_ [6:26pm]

 **that you and Allura were each other’s first kisses? well I can’t say I’m particularly happy about it but it’s not like I can go back in time to make myself your first kiss.** [6:26pm]

 **I’m not jealous per se it’s just** [6:27pm]

 **oh shush I am jealous** [6:27pm]

 **it’s a little freaky how possessive I’ve already gotten over you** [6:27pm]

 **please don’t be weirded out by it. you’re my first proper relationship and I just don’t know how to handle sometimes because you’re far away and you’re so tender and beautiful  and I’m me** [6:28pm]

 _oh Keith, my baby boy. You’re doing a pretty damn fine job at being a boyfriend, coming straight from the source aka your boyfriend_ [6:28pm]

 _and it’s good to talk about these things. we talk hell of a lot and I think that’s one of the key elements of a relationship that works- romantic or platonic or anything, really. we’re on the same wavelength. we don’t just have physical attraction, there’s well, attraction between our minds too._ [6:29pm]

 _of course, you being one of the prettiest people I have ever seen with the most kissable lips ever is a definite plus._ [6:29pm]

 **asfasfasf** [6:30pm]

 **how do you DO that** [6:30pm]

 **write such things and even say them with a straight face and I can’t find a single lie on your face** [6:30pm]

 _if I could have you for breakfast lunch and dinner I’d be a happy man_ [6:30pm]

 _was your mother a star because your eyes sparkle_ [6:31pm]

 _were your parents clams because you’re a true pearl_ [6:31pm]

 _dick is not an acceptable substitute for food, they said. fuck them, I said_ [6:31pm]

 _are you laughing yet, baby?_ [6:31pm]

 **oh M YGOD** [6:32pm]

 _do you have a map? Because I got lost in your eyes_ [6:32pm]

 _did it hurt? when you fell from heaven because you’re an angel_ [6:32pm]

 _;)_ [6:32pm]

 **SHIRO STOP IT** [6:32pm]

 _ <3 <3_ [6:32pm]

 **you are ridiculous and you made me laugh out loud and I can’t** [6:33pm]

 _I’m glad <3_ [6:33pm]

# November 17th, 2016

 

 _so the plan is for me to fly to the campus first, yes?_ [7:03pm]

YEPPppp don’t worry we’ll help with the expenses!!! anything for my bro’s bf [7:03pm]

 _: ) you’re a good person, Lance_ [7:03pm]

well it helps that Broody McBrother is not coming with. He’s not invited anyway, pidge was in an awful mood for like a week after matt was here [7:03pm]

 _yeahh about that. I already told Keith but I figured it’s good for you guys to know too that I need to visit your local police station at least once during the vacay and call the Academy regularly so they can keep tabs on me. Just so you guys won’t worry too much._ [7:04pm]

wow okay police state much. but we get it and we’re sad about it because you should be free as a bird but ya know, shit happens. L L ( but oh man you’re gonna love my folks!! <3 <3 also I have like five sisters and four of them are over 21 and three of them single so keith better keep a leash on you [7:05pm]

 _heh. I have no intention of even looking at other people. <3_ [7:05pm]

god you two kill me [7:05pm]

AAaannyway Allura’s gonna buy the ticket with you and you’ll get it from her dad or something since he apparently is gonna come during the first of dec there and all or whatever but don’t worry <3 !!! we’ll all spend a huge amount of time together and you’ll have a shitton of fun and eat yourself silly… you can eat yourself silly right? D: [7:06pm]

 _well I’m usually on a strict diet but I think I can give myself some leeway. it’s Christmas after all :)_  [7:06pm]

awesome! :D :D :D [7:06pm]

 

# November 28th, 2016

 

 _I got it! <3 _[8:24pm]

 _I hope you’re ready because I’m not letting you out of my sight during the entire time I’m there. I miss you. <3_ [8:24pm]

 _also Sendak came down with something yesterday and he’s been the grumpiest fucking thing and it’s hilarious. … I almost feel bad for feeling joy at his suffering, I swear I’m not vindictive but I just. can’t have sympathy towards someone so deliberately sadistic_ [8:25pm]

 _also I uh.. forgot to tell you but I visited Ulaz’s memorial the day before yesterday. His body was already sent back to the state and has probably already been buried in some nameless grave somewhere. He was an orphan like us. The photo they have at the memorial doesn’t do him justice. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now. I will keep fighting and living. For you. For myself. For Ulaz._ [8:26pm]

 **I love you.**  [8:26pm]

 _I love you too. <3_ [8:26pm]

 _everything okay?_ [8:26pm]

 **just tired. I love you. I love you so much. You know that right? it feels really really good to even type it out and I kept thinking today that maybe uhm** [8:27pm]

 **during Christmas we could… get some private time? you know.** [8:27pm]

 **I think it would do us both good. To focus on just each other.** [8:28pm]

 _You mean… ?_ [8:28pm]

 **yea** [8:28pm]

 _when I said I got lost in your eyes I meant it. you don’t make me feel lost, you make me feel like I was lost and that now I have been found._ [8:29pm]

 _so what I want to say is that yes. Anything you want. Because I want it too. I think getting lost in you deeper would do me good. You already make me feel like I can do anything, kissing you makes me forget all of my troubles._ [8:29pm]

 **ffff** [8:29pm]

 _you good?_ [8:29pm]

 **also I might have had a dream about you last night and I can’t stop thinking about it … .so  I kinda jerked off at the shower just now again and …  sorry for talking about sex when you’re talking about Ulaz and oh god** [8:30pm]

 **I am honestly sorry about Ulaz but it’s just, my mind’s so full of nothing but you** [8:30pm]

 _it’s okay. <3 I don’t expect you to be anything but sorry for someone you didn’t even know. I just wanted to tell you about my day._ [8:30pm]

 **yeah I know** [8:31pm]

 

 _please don’t feel bad_ [8:31pm]

 **okay** [8:31pm]

 _let’s talk more about it face to face okay? <3_ [8:31pm]

 **okay <3** [8:32pm]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry transition chapters are kinda necessary but so tedious
> 
> i hope this makes up a little for last chapter's sadness which I am sorry for. \D:/


	21. reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time has the strangest ability to both go fast and go slow when you're waiting for something. 
> 
> December arrives and with it comes peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARE Y'ALL READY FOR SOME HARDCORE FLUFF what angst angst doesn't exist anymore angst is forgotten (except f or the one part at the beginning) because these boys are 1000% in love and not afraid to show it

# December 1st, 2016

 

 _Soon <3_ [6:15am]

 

 **< 3** [8:30am]

# December 5th, 2016

 

_In-coming call: **Takashi <3**_

[3:05am]

“Shiro?” No one else calls him in the middle of the night. Keith blinks his bleary eyes and stumbles out of the bed, reaching for his hoodie. “Takashi? Are you okay?” He tries his best to whisper, his voice groggy from sleep, head pounding but the irritation he usually would feel for being woken up is nowhere to be found.

Shiro lets out a trembling breath at the other end of the line.

Keith finds his way to the hallway, letting the door close unlocked behind himself.

“Takashi? Please speak to me,” he whispers, tip-toeing his way towards the stairwell. Lately the janitor or someone had started to keep the door locked with a padlock so Keith’s usual way to watch the stars is blocked off but at least the stairwell is generally empty. Even in the middle of the day.

_“C-can’t.”_

Keith swallows and sits down, keeps his voice quiet. “Can’t? Are you hurt?”

 _“Bad, b-bad memories,”_ Shiro wheezes. _“No serious p-physical injury.”_

Keith exhales, pulls his knees against his chest, laying his forehead against them. “Okay. That’s good. So something triggered you or a nightmare, is that correct?”

_“Yes.”_

Oh, Takashi. Keith inhales, exhales. Tries to remember what Pidge usually does when Keith himself has a panic attack. “Where are you now? In your room?”

_“Infirmary. A-alone. G-got hurt d-d-during sparring. I can’t c-can’t-“_

“Can’t breathe? Are you laying down? If you’re not laying down, please do so. Can you close your eyes for me?”

 _“No! All I see is, all I – K-Keith, Keith, just, please, speak to me. I-I’ll be okay, p-please t-talk-“_ Shiro sobs and Keith’s heart trembles and splinters and breaks.

“Okay, okay, Takashi, whatever you want.” Keith’s own voice trembles. He refuses to let it crack when Shiro is crying in his ear. “Do you want to know what’s been going on with me? I have texted you less, I know but I’ve actually been pretty busy. There have been exams and like three essays to write and two lecture diaries and my hands just keep aching. You’re the last thing I think about when I go to sleep though so, yeah.”

Shiro cries almost silently, the sound stinging Keith straight to the bone. “Takashi? Please breathe. Please.”

Shiro inhales, exhales. _“T-trying. S-sorry I woke you, y-you n-n-need rest-“_

“Not as much as I need you,” Keith murmurs, jaw cracking when he yawns. He exhales slowly, listens to Shiro doing the same. “Do you want me to tell you more? Lance pulled a prank on Hunk the other day and Hunk did the same but then Lance started feeling bad and took Hunk out on a date. Well, Lance called it a buddy date but I’d say Hunk would be better for him than everyone else he’s ever told us about. And believe me, I know more about Lance than I’m even comfortable knowing because that one just doesn’t shut the fuck up.”

Shiro wheezes, his sobs a little softer, his breath hitching. He lets out a sound, an attempt at a chuckle. _“I-it’s good to have someone so l-lively in your life.”_

Keith huffs. “Sometimes he’s like a Duracell bunny on steroids. It doesn’t help that he’s a serious caffeine addict too. But I don’t hate him. He’s a good listener and gives killer shoulder massages.” He snorts, still keeping his eyes closed. His tired brain throbs. “Are you any calmer, Takashi?”

Shiro is still breathing roughly but now Keith can’t hear him sobbing anymore. Shiro sniffles. He inhales softly. _“I have a killer headache, baby,”_ he mutters, voice coming out a little muffled. “I had a nightmare and the first thing I thought was calling you without even looking at the clock.”

“It’s okay.” Keith wets his dry lips, yawns again. “Honestly. I’d rather be there to calm you down than let you be completely alone. Can I ask what it was about?”

Shiro is silent. _“I think-“_ his voice cracks, just enough to be noticeable. _“Sendak broke my arm today. No, not the arm-arm but my prosthetic. I don’t think he knows how fucking expensive it was in the first place but now it’s pretty much beyond repair.”_ Shiro’s voice trembles. He laughs, so briefly, so bitterly that Keith flinches. _“If it wasn’t for Instructor Iverson’s intervention, Sendak might have- well. He pretty much mangled by shoulder in the process so yeah.”_

Keith inhales. “You’re gonna be fine?”

Shiro hums _. “Yeah.”_

“I don’t have to come and kill Sendak for you? I can’t fucking believe-“

_“Keith, you promised.”_

“Yeah.” Keith rubs his temples. “I know. It kills me to know you’re still there and he has free range to do whatever the fuck his psychotic little shit brain-“

 _“Keith.”_ Shiro no longer cries, his voice still more frail than Keith would like or is used to hearing. But the usual warmth has started to creep back.

“Don’t scold me, you dumbo.”

_“Sorry. And he deserves everything you say. Just- well. He’s suspended. Apparently it doesn’t matter what he does to my other limbs but when it comes to my prosthetic… well. The board was pretty angry. Since it was both tax-payers money and the board’s money or something. So I’m temporarily back to being one-handed. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”_

Keith huffs. He wipes his eyes quickly although Shiro is not present to see him. “It doesn’t, you idiot.” Keith inhales. “I love you, Takashi. I wish I could make it better for you.”

Shiro hums. He yawns too, echoed by Keith. Both laugh. _“Oh, sweetheart. Call me a sap all you want but I breathe easier now. Just so you know, my shoulder is going to be bandaged for quite a while and I doubt it’ll look very nice when we see each other again. But you don’t care about what I look like, do you?”_

“Well, you being handsome as you are does help,” Keith starts, finding himself smiling when Shiro laughs. “But no, Shiro. I care that you’re going to be with me, that I’m going to be able to sleep with you and hug you as much as I want and as much as you want. Can I ask if you’re going to get another prosthetic?”

Shiro hums again. Clicks his tongue. _“At some point, yes. It’s going to take a while though. Too bad, I got very used to this one. It was a prototype so it’s a wonder it even lasted so long but still. I didn’t actually spend a whole lot of time between losing my arm and getting my prosthetic so I doubt I’m going to be very graceful by Christmas.”_

“I don’t mind.”

Shiro sighs. Yawns again. Keith yawns as well, squeezing his eyes closed _. “Sorry, you should go back to sleep.”_

Keith huffs. “Only if you tell me you’re going too.”

_“I’m going to try to sleep, sweetheart.. I can breathe easier, thanks to you.”_

Keith smiles tiredly against his knees. “Okay. Good, um, early morning then. I love you. I can’t wait to see you.”

_“You mean the world to me. Shiro loves you, baby.”_

Keith snorts. “You dork.”

Shiro yawns again. _“Yours.”_

They say their goodbyes and Keith sneaks back to bed but can’t bring himself to fall back asleep. Instead he dozes on and off, phone clutches tight against his chest.

# December 6th, 2016

 

 **Are you out of the infirmary?** [10:03pm]

 **You haven’t texted all day again…** [10:03pm]

 _not on purpose I swear <3 it’s kinda slow to type with just one hand_ [10:03pm]

 **oh god yes of course sorry** [10:03pm]

 _but I’m okay <3_ [10:03pm]

 **< 3 love you. good night.** [10:04pm]

 _same to you <3_ [10:04pm]

 

~

# December 16th, 2016

 

 _I’ll be arriving tomorrow. <3_ [8:43am]

 **tomorrow <3 <3** [8:43am]

 _are you as excited as I am, sweetheart? <3_ [8:43am]

 **CAN’ T YOU TELL** [8:43am]

 **wait let me send a selfie** [8:43am]

 **[IMG_432.jpg]** [8:44am]

 _ahhhh <3 <3 <3 <3_  [8:46am]

 _not even Sendak can get me down right now. I get to kiss that face soon. <3 _[8:46am]

 **I can’t stop smiling like an idiot** [8:46am]

 _yes good smile <3_ [8:46am]

 _I hope your friends are ready for some hardcore PDA_ [8:47am]

 **they’re 100% your friends too you know** [8:47am]

 _I know, I know_ [8:47am]¨

 **you make me feel so alive** [8:47am]

 _you too_ [8:47am]

 _I can’t wait to tell you I love you face to face_ [8:48am]

 **< 3 <3** [8:48am]

_RedLion has joined the group chat ‘HOWDY COWBOYS ARE YA READY FOR SOME PARTIES XOXOXOXOXO”_

_[8:02pm]_

**Pigwidgeon** : oh look who decided to join the land of the living once more

 **RedLion** : hey! others wouldn’t care for u watching the entire potter-series twice in a row this week

 **Pigwidgeon:** shush you heathen

 **Duracellance:** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧I’ ve already told my folks a hundred times you guys are coming and though they’re disappointed Pidge isn’t staying through the entire vacay since she has like, parents to get to and Hunk isn’t staying the entire time AGAIN because lol who wants christmas in hawaii but oh mannn they’re excited to meet Shiro and Keith!!!!! I’m excited to see Shiro again too!!!! AAAAAA!!!!

 **RedLion:** oh man

 **Pigwidgeon:** you see why I have stayed away from the group chat for a while?

 **RedLion:** Allura isn’t online?

 **Pigwidgeon:** queen alice is busy tending to her kingdom

 **Duracellance:** KEITH KEITH KITTY KEITH if Shiro feels up for it we HAVE t o go Alternate this weekend!!!! I haven’t been clubbing for fucking ever and I’ mdyin g and I may have drank way too much coffee today and I’m still running on like super high hence the nickname

 **Hunkydory:** oh damn my nap went too far again sorry

 **Duracellance:** HUUUUNK MY HUNKY BUNNY

 **Hunkydory:** oh hi Keith :D how’s it going?

 **Pigwidgeon:** also keith you don’t have to come with us to Alternate, I mean drunk Lance is infuriating in regular house parties but when he’s both single and bisexual in this city’s most popular lgbt club … yeah we might lose him in the first two minutes

 **RedLion:** weellll if Shiro feels up for it. I mean, apparently some accident happened with his prosthetic and now he has to be without it for at least until Christmas eve so he might not feel good about going in public with just one arm

 **Duracellance:** I don’t* MIND

 **RedLion:** well he does but I can ask him?

 **Duracellance:** Pleaseeee I wanna see him drunk

 **RedLion:** sorry he doesn’t drink alcohol at all

 **Duracellance** : oh

 **Duracellance:** I wanna see him see YOU drunk :D :D :D

 **RedLion:** dear god

 **Hunkydory:** don’t worry Keith I’ll keep Lance in check

 **Pigwidgeon:** and it’s not like I wanna get utterly wasted. This place just seems cool.

 **Duracellance:** oh buddies babes bros alternate is ahhmazingg also please don’t tell my sisters I went there, Yvonne has been on my case for fucking ever that I need to take her there when she visits- which she hasn’t by the way in forever, rude! and Maria and her like fifth girlfriend think they know all the best lgbt-clubs in America and I’m like nah son or in their case, daughter and daughter’s gf

 **RedLion:** are you high or just randomly hyper

 **Hunkydory:** nah, this is nothing, just Lance leveled up by nine thousand

 **Duracellance:** I’m just so freaking happy that I can’t contain it also I’m pretty sure a certain Mullethead is pretty damn happy too that their beautiful boyfriend is arriving tomorrow ;D ;D ;D

 **RedLion:** welp. can’t deny that. also I might have told him I love him

 **Pigwidgeon** : :0 you’ve told me nothing

 **Hunkydory:** ohhh, didn’t he confess his love to you too? congrats! you two are adorable together!

 **Duracellance:** so when’s the wedding, when can I stop crying because I’m overemotional right now and you two falling in love is the stuff fairytales are made of

 **RedLion:** :D; thanks guys also sorry Pidge, it just hasn’t come up

 **Pigwidgeon:** you two finally admitting you love each other hasn’t come up? you literally text him every fucking day. well less now that he has that asshole homophobic roomie but still. don’t think I don’t hear you sneaking off to call him in the middle of the night

 **RedLion:** wait what you’re awake? ??

 **Pigwidgeon:** HA CAUGHT YOU no of course I’m not fucking awake at the middle of the night. so you do call him in the middle of the night, that’s kinda sweet that you sacrifice sleep for him

 **RedLion:** well, he’s helped me through a panic attack before and he wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important

 **Pigwidgeon:** oh sorry

 **RedLion:** it’s fine. it’s not my things to tell you guys. also he said that he hopes you guys are okay with hardcore PDA lmao

 **Duracellance:** awwwww

 **Hunkydory:** it’s going to be hard to rip you two apart for more than a couple of centimeters, isn’t it

 **RedLion:** now why would you ever ;)

_RedLion is offline_

**Hunkydory:** did he just

 **Duracellance:** omg was that a winky face?? from KEITH ??

**[10:34pm]**

Pidge stares at Keith from across the room, her fingers folded under her chin.

“I’m happy for you.”

Keith’s ears colour as his typing hands still. The laptop’s glow burns his aching eyes but even the fatigue and the unfinished essay can’t quite stop him from grinning.

“Thanks, Pidge. He makes me really happy. I recommend being in love, it’s like floating in goddamn marshmallows.

Pidge snorts. “Who are you and what have you done to my world-weary brother?”

Keith flicks her the middle finger. She flicks hers right back.

# December 17th, 2016

[2:04pm]

 

Keith’s leg keeps bouncing. He keeps biting his nails. He’s spent a ridiculous amount of time this morning trying to decide what to wear, should he do something about the nail polish Allura had so meticulously spread on his nails for him- at his own request this time and not her insistence. She had merely raised one elegant eyebrow and led him to her room.

It’s matta black and white, both colours now associated with Shiro and Keith tries his hardest not to chip it too much. His leg bounces. So much that Allura giggles from the driver’s seat.

“I don’t even have to see you to know you’re nervous, Keith. You don’t have to be. He’s as eager to see you as you are eager to see him. I’m eager to see him too; he’s only sent me a few texts, telling me his new roommate is an ass.”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Keith huffs. “I’m just so glad he’s gonna be here for a solid couple of weeks.” His cheeks burn. “I’m sure you have a lot of experience with relationships but I don’t. He’s my first of pretty much everything except like, kisses.”

“Aww,” Allura says. “I’m really happy that he’s found you, you know. He was so miserable last Christmas that it’s no wonder he pushed himself away from me and my family, much less at any chance of letting himself fall in love. From what you’ve told me, he’s gotten the hang of it pretty soon though, hasn’t he?” She looks over her shoulder and winks.

Keith blushes. His breath hitches when he notices how close they are to the airport. He chews on his lip and applies another layer of chapstick. At this point, I’m going to taste like tangy strawberries, his brain helpfully offers and Keith makes a face, shoving the chapstick back to his pants pocket.

He follows Allura’s swishing dress through the main doors into the buzzing lobby. Had it been such a little while that he had last been here? Half-dead, clutching Shiro’s hand like afraid letting go would mean Shiro’s disappearance or death or Keith’s own life ending?

Now he’s here once more but this time with such fierce hope in his heart.

“Landings are over there, it’s over there, Ali!” He shouts when he squints at the screens and then through the crowd for the right way to go.

“Oh, bugger, of course,” she huffs and follows his hurried steps with a giggle of her own.

Keith’s hair is pulled back into a ponytail, his sweater loose and slipping from one shoulder. The jeans might be a little too tight to be comfortable but they make his long legs look good. And he wants to look good just to get that flash of hunger into Shiro’s eyes. He wants Shiro to look at him for as long as possible.

The silver bracelet on his wrist, on top of his usual leather ones glimmers. He had bought it and its twin on a whim just two days ago and had kept the twin in a small gift box in his bag. The same bag that’s currently banging against his thigh.

 _Is it late? Is his flight late? Is it coming?_ His brain repeats the same things like a mantra, his heart thud-thud-thudding like mad against his ribcage.

Him and Allura make it to the right gate, just in time to see the crowd burst through the door, some heading towards Baggage Claim, some heading straight towards their other destinations.

Allura brushes Keith’s back and laughs, softly, happily.

Keith squeezes his hands together and stares, eyes wide, pulse rapid. _Is he there? Is that him? Oh god-_ finally a flash of a familiar tall figure through the arrivals, nothing but a messenger bag thrown over one shoulder, the other one hidden beneath an empty sleeve of a trench coat.

The smile is tired but warm when Shiro spots them. He waves.

Allura giggles when Keith starts running, murmuring a few excuse mes as he bumps into people but his eyes are on only one person. Keith stops right before he barrels straight into Shiro and then wraps himself around Shiro, arms slipping around Shiro’s dreadfully thin waist, face smushed against Shiro’s shoulder.

“Hello, sweetheart,” Shiro murmurs, his arm wrapping around Keith in return. Keith whimpers, fingers curling, clutching tight.

Shiro’s voice is thick with emotion as he starts to rub Keith’s back. “God, look at you, baby boy. Just the sight of you makes me feel like I’m coming home.”

Keith inhales, tears prickling at his eyes. He only raises his head when he hears Allura’s voice. “Welcome back, Shiro. Sorry to hear about your prosthetic. You know, if you need help in getting a new one or fixing the old one, I-“

“It’s fine, Ali,” Shiro murmurs, hand rubbing in soothing circles on Keith’s back. “It’ll take a moment but I’ll get a new one, the old one was pretty mangled and it will just be cheaper to get a new one. That’s modern technology for you.”

Keith inhales again, refusing to withdraw from Shiro.

Allura hums. “Do you mind, Keith, if I borrow my best friend for a bit of a hug?”

Keith huffs but withdraws, just enough for Allura to be able to hug Shiro. Keith keeps his hand on Shiro’s back, refusing to stop touching now that Shiro is here again, in the flesh, alive and breathing and looking at Keith with such intense love in his eyes. It should have been frightening, should have brought those doubts to the surface once more but Keith can feel nothing but the certainty that Shiro is where Keith belongs.

Allura huffs as she lets Shiro go, patting him on his ininjured shoulder. Her eyes are dry but something about her gaze is slightly sorrowful. “Okay then, have your boyfriend back, Keith. Come on, kiddos, back to the campus we go! I’ve gotta finish packing since we’re going to the Alps with my family and I think Lance is gonna explode if you don’t go help him with his, Keith.”

Keith snorts, arm around Shiro. “We’re going to Lance’s parents, I don’t think it matters if Lance packs just one suitcase or a hundred. From what I’ve learned of Lance’s mom, she’s kind of a handful. Then again, when you have like seven kids…”

Shiro snorts too. “Damn. I never had siblings. I wonder what that’s like.”

Keith hum and presses against his side, even leans closer to press a kiss to Shiro’s cheek. Shiro smiles, stops them to kiss Keith on the mouth, flicking his tongue over Keith’s lips.

“I think I tasted a hint of strawberries there,” Shiro says and laughs when Keith flushes, reaches to pinch Shiro’s cheek.

Allura waits for them to gather themselves and rolls her eyes fondly. “Don’t stop on my account, boys. Everyone knows how much you’ve missed each other.”

“I don’t think they know enough,” Shiro murmurs and gives Keith a gentle shove, pushing him against the side of the car to kiss him again, this time deep enough for Allura to turn her gaze away and clear her throat.

Keith is breathless when Shiro pulls away and Shiro’s own cheeks are pink. Their hands are on each other constantly, never letting go. “Hello, boyfriend. I love you,” Shiro says. He grins. Utterly disarming.

Keith pinches his nose. “I love you too,” he says after a moment of hesitation and gets another kiss for it, that ends with Allura tooting the car horn and Shiro exploding into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished Laura Lam's Micah Grey-trilogy and i have a lot of feelings 
> 
> literally the only book series where the protagonist is intersex, bisexual and genderfluid and it's not a problem for them, it's mostly a problem for other people and i just... see? ?? it's this easy to write diversity in your goddamn book GOD DDDd !! also there is no Micah Grey-fics in here and that is a goddamn travesty 
> 
> also uh about this fic, only 2-3 chapters I think. Let's see how it goes.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew goes clubbing. Keith is an embarrassing drunk. Shiro realizes he finds new things to love about Keith every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NERDS

# December 17th, 2016

_[8:02pm]_

”You know, you really don’t have to come to the club. I don’t even have to go; I don’t even like clubs that much or- stop smiling at me.” Keith lowers the hairbrush, nose wrinkling at the face Shiro is making from his bed. Shiro. On his bed. That fact is still making Keith’s head spin.

“Where you go, I go. I’m not letting you out of my sight,” Shiro says, his voice a little rougher than before, the dark circles around his eyes deeper. But his smile is bright. Keith huffs, aware of his reddening ears and cheeks.

“You’ll have to take care of drunk me then. If you don’t mind me being a little tipsy.” Keith resumes brushing his hair, watching Shiro through the mirror in front of him.

Shiro crosses his legs, lays his hand on his lap. “I don’t mind. Just don’t text anyone while drunk.”

Keith snorts. “Shut up.”

Shiro chuckles. “It will make a great story at our wedding when people ask how we met.” He winks.

Keith puts the brush back to its place and starts yanking his hair up to a neat ponytail. “Shut up,” he says again, the words less convincing with the smile and the blush. He turns around on his heel, places his hands to his hips and clears his throat. Even meets Shiro’s gaze head-on.

“So? How do I look?”

Shiro winks, drags his gaze from head to toe. “Hmmmm,” he says and gets up. “As your friend and boyfriend, I’m obligated to say you look amazing in anything. But damn, baby.” He steps close enough to touch, his arm sneaking around Keith’s waist, Keith’s arms easily hooking around Shiro’s neck. “You look good enough to eat,” Shiro finishes, leans down to lick Keith’s nose.

Keith’s nose wrinkles as he huffs, gives Shiro’s shoulder a gentle shove that does nothing to move the mountain of muscle that is Takashi Shirogane. “Dork,” Keith says. But he tugs Shiro’s head lower, swallows Shiro’s laughter as they share a kiss. The smacking sound their lips make once they part seems obnoxiously loud in the otherwise quiet room; Shiro’s cheeks go pink even while his fingers have slipped underneath Keith’s shirt and Keith lets his forehead drop against Shiro’s shoulder, taking a deep breath.

“I’m really happy you’re here,” Keith murmurs. He scratches at the buzzed hair at Shiro’s neck.

“I’m happy I’m here,” Shiro says and kisses Keith’s forehead, gently separating them once more. “Shall we go see the others then?”

The others, as they then see, are in the middle of fierce club preparations. They are all gathered in Allura and her nameless and half-nonexistent roommate’s room.

For Hunk, this means fluffing his hair and smoothing it down again, making faces at the mirror and trying to decide between two shirts with startlingly similar bright colour schemes.

For Lance, this means being in awe at being in Allura’s room, doing his eyeliner and stretching his obnoxiously long legs in front of him in effort to try to trip Keith once Keith actually arrives. Keith kicks him in the shin instead.

For Pidge, this means doing absolutely nothing different. “I’m not a club-person. I’m only going because I like you guys,” she says and taps her phone, her glasses at least straight on her nose and not as askew as usual.

For Allura, this means looking radiant like a space princess and beckoning at Keith to do his nails for him. He goes, throwing an apologetic look at abandoning Shiro which Shiro waves away with a smile.

Shiro then seats himself next to Hunk. “How’s it going?”

Hunk huffs. He has apparently chosen the slightly less bright yellow shirt, finding the way it stretches over his biceps working for him. “I don’t know why I even care what I wear to this place so much,” he admits. His hair is sticking up. “Truth to be told, Lance has been bothering me about this club ever since it opened like half a year ago but I just haven’t felt like it and you know. It’s not like I’m supermodel-material like you or Keith or Lance-“

Shiro huffs in return. “Oh, Hunk. Hush.”

Hunk’s eyebrows rise. Shiro pats his shoulder and plasters on the most serious expression in his repertoire.  “Hunk. Let me tell you something. You are a goddamn hunk. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. If I didn’t already have Keith, I would date you.”

Hunk snorts, it turns into a full-blown laughter in half a second, his dark cheeks darkening even further. It draws the attention of others, of course and Shiro flushes.

“I’m glad I made you laugh,” he says then. “I do mean it though. You’re handsome, Hunk.”

“Aww, bro. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me-“

“What about that time I said I love you more than I love pizza or kissing or-“Lance protests, having crawled over Allura’s bed to eavesdrop. Hunk’s cheeks darken even further.

“Bro,” he says. Lance reaches to ruffle his hair.

Shiro chuckles, meets Keith’s eyes across the room. Keith blows him a kiss. Shiro pretends to catch it.

~

As expected, the queue in front of Alternate is long but moving relatively fast. They take their places at the back, spend time chatting and cuddling up to each other like a crowd of colourful penguins. Shiro keeps blowing into Keith’s ears, Keith tries his hardest to keep the giggles from escaping but mostly fails. It’s all caught on both Lance and Pidge’s phones and soon posted on their Instagram-accounts and Twitter-accounts, much to Keith’s mortification. He swears to never talk to either of them again, a feat that lasts until they’re inside and until they have conquered a corner table for themselves.

Keith’s ‘never’ proves to end by the time he gets his first drink down his throat.

“Fuckdammit,” he says, half-sitting on Shiro’s lap. Lack of the room around the table, of course. Shiro kisses his neck.

“That bad, huh?”

Keith reaches for Shiro’s chin and tickles it, feeling the scruff. “Nah. I’m just a serious light-weight, it goes to my head instantly. By the way, have I ever told you but I kinda like you with a scruff.”

Shiro grabs Keith’s hand and kisses his fingertips. “And here I was hoping you do more than just ‘kinda like me’, baby.”

Allura coos. Lance takes five pictures. Pidge snickers.

“You’re a dork,” Keith says, rather uselessly as he drapes himself a little better over his boyfriend, accepting the drink that Hunk so unsubtly pushes in his direction, as well as pushing Shiro’s water into his waiting hand.

“But I’m your dork,” Shiro says sweetly and takes a sip.

Lance takes another batch of pictures. “I’m gonna have cavities,” he says and then shoves his phone back into his pocket. “Okay! Let’s get me laid or something! Unless Allura wants to smooch- no need to make such a scary face, princess, just take it as a compliment- let’s go dancing, my Hunky bunny.” With that, he takes Hunk’s unresisting wrist and drags his friend up and towards the dancefloor where something headache-inducing is playing amidst the rainbow-lights .

Allura hums, checks her make-up from her phone. “I have a feeling you two,” she winks at Keith and Shiro, “are going to be sitting here so maybe take care of our bags, yes? Pidge, may I have this dance?”

Pidge blinks. “What?”

Allura stands up, offers her hand. “Dance. You. Me. You know. The only way to tolerate this crappy song is if I dance to it. Come on now, hun.”

To Keith’s surprise and Shiro’s delight, Pidge takes the offered hand. “I don’t know how to dance without feeling or looking stupid as fuck,” Pidge says rather weakly but lets herself be dragged after Allura’s swishing hair.

“It seems we have been abandoned to our own devices,” Shiro says and nudges Keith, makes him sit better so that Shiro can wrap his arm around Keith’s waist.

“You don’t want to dance?” Keith sips his own fruity-something and turns his head, his nose bumping against Shiro’s cheek.

“Nah,” Shiro says, turns his head too to give Keith a kiss. “You?”

Keith smirks, takes another long gulp of his drink. “Nah.” He leans himself more comfortably against Shiro, Shiro’s hand up and up Keith’s back until it reaches his hair and begins to stroke. They both squint towards the dimly lit dancefloor, trying to spot their friends.

“Do you have thing for my hair?” Keith has to ask. This isn’t the first time Shiro seems to have found the most pleasure in stroking Keith’s strands.

“It’s pretty and smooth,” Shiro says, pressing a kiss at it.

“It’s just hair,” Keith huffs, his nose wrinkling but his cheeks are hot. He scans the crowd but doesn’t spot their friends.

“Yeah, but it’s your hair. And it feels nice. Does it bother you that I touch it so much?” Shiro’s hand stills.

Keith shakes his head, reaches to grab Shiro’s wrist and urge it to move again. “Didn’t say that, you dork. You can scratch my scalp, it feels pretty nice.”

Shiro chuckles and does just that. “Good to know. You are too cute.”

“You’re the one that’s cute,” Keith huffs, reaches to scratch Shiro’s scruff like he was a dog.

“Arf,” Shiro says and tries to take a bite out of Keith’s fingertip. “Oh, hey Keith. Is that Lance on that pole?”

Keith freezes. Pole? “Pole?” He turns his attention from his distractingly adorable boyfriend back to the dancefloor.

Lance isn’t hard to spot, as the pole is on a raised platform and Lance is shock blue that just screams NOTICE ME. Allura’s white hair is now also easily identifiable, as is the grin on her face.

Shiro whistles when Lance does a professional-looking twist. “He looks even more slender than you but those are some leg-muscles.”

Keith scoffs. “Just wait until I get a few drinks in me, I’ll show you leg-muscles.”

“I don’t know if I like the thought of you going out there without me, showing yourself off to other people,” Shiro remarks kindly, his hand having dropped now to Keith’s waistband to toy with it. Keith grumbles, shoves Shiro’s face off of his shoulder and climbs off Shiro’s lap entirely.

Shiro is pouting but his eyes are genuinely concerned. Keith sighs.

“I don’t- don’t make such a sad face, you dork. I’m just going to get us a round of drinks and get those weirdoes here for a sec.” Keith puts his hands on his hips, tilts his head. Shiro looks up at him, eyes going dark.

Keith can feel his toes curling in his boots. “Besides, it’s not like I want to show off to anyone but you,” he mutters and turns on his heel, quickly escaping with his bag from Shiro’s clutches.

Shiro watches him go.

“Bro, brooo, bruh-“ Shiro blinks, takes a moment to register the hand waving itself in front of his face. It’s one of the noisy kids from the table next to theirs, with shock-pink hair and a nose-ring.

“Brooo, if that’s your boyfriend then you’re lucky as fuck, hot damn that ass-“

Shiro makes a face and sits up straighter. “As he is indeed my boyfriend, keep your eyes off his ass,” he huffs. The Pink Hair starts to make an apologetic face, even through the haze of thick drunkenness. Shiro waves it away. “But you’re right, I’m lucky as fuck.”

Because then Keith returns, a glow around his sharply beautiful face, a tray in his hands and a smile forming when he spots Shiro.

“Hey baby,” Shiro says.

“Hey yourself,” Keith says. He lays the tray down but doesn’t sit down himself, just leans to peck Shiro’s brow. “Just wait a sec, I’ll go fetch the others.”

Once more Shiro watches Keith go and finds his heart growing as loud as thunder.

~

Being the only sober one in the middle of a group of drunkards tends to be tiring, from what little Shiro knows. Yet it is also endlessly entertaining: watching a whole fifteen minutes of Hunk and Lance saying nothing but “Bro, I love you,” “bro, I love you more,” back and forth. Watching Allura giggle, more than Shiro has ever heard her giggle in all the years they had known each other. Watching the way Pidge’s glasses just keep slipping and slipping and the way she keeps sitting very close to Allura and trying to tell her about planets. Allura listens with rapt attention and promptly forgets everything that was said instantly.

Then there’s Keith. A sober Keith is a miracle of nature, someone Shiro never counted on being in his life but drunk Keith is an entity of his own. Keith is incredibly lightweight, has downed so much less than the others but has already stripped off his outer tank top, leaving only the obnoxiously short crop top that Shiro can’t quite stop himself from staring at.

Also Keith keeps talking and squirming against Shiro and it’s getting to be rather, um, hard.

“Hey, hey, Takashi, have I told you yet that I love your muscles,” Keith is currently saying, clammy hands wrapping themselves around Shiro’s bicep, mindful of the missing one.

Shiro rolls his eyes, pats Keith arm. “Yes, sweetheart. Five times. In different words.”

“I got them all on tape,” Pidge snorts from the other side of the table.

“I mean, I lift enough but holy shit, you could bench press me,” Keith continues to say, straddling Shiro’s lap and apparently caring little that his back is towards the others. Shiro can’t stop staring at him, at Keith’s flushed face and messy ponytail. God, but Shiro wants to mess it up even more.

“Easily,” Shiro says, not entirely sure he actually can but it’s worth of it, just to see the clear hunger in Keith’s eyes.

“Well, fuck,” Lance says unnecessarily loudly from his seat. “There are perfectly good bathrooms to fuck in- rgurdhfsg.”

Shiro peeks from behind Keith and chuckles. Hunk’s palm is placed on Lance’s mouth, Lance struggles, makes a face when Hunk withdraws his hand.

Shiro misses whatever Lance says because Keith rolls his hips, makes a soft, unguarded noise right in Shiro’s ear and everything else just vanishes. Keith nibbles his lip, his hands have migrated to Shiro’s shoulders; the one on Shiro’s injured shoulder is feather-light.

“Sorry,” Keith mumbles. “You were looking at them. Not me.”

Shiro groans, draws Keith into a tight embrace. Shiro buries his face in the crook of Keith’s neck, presses his palm against the vast expanse of Keith’s bare skin.

“Oh, Keith,” Shiro huffs and his voice is fond.

~

Somehow, they make it back to the campus.

“Don’t do the dingle-dangely on my bed,” Pidge says, her yawn wide as she’s dragged towards Allura’s room.

Keith, already half-asleep, flips the middle finger but as his eyes are closed, he ends up flipping the bird at the school building instead of Pidge. Shiro snorts.

“No dingle-dangely on your bed, got it,” he says and they bid farewell to their companions. Hunk and Lance are singing loudly, the melody vaguely familiar but the words utterly raunchy.

Shiro snorts again. “I feel like the dad friend,” he mutters to himself as he helps his wasted boyfriend walk towards the general direction of the dorm.

“You smell good,” Keith mutters, doing absolutely nothing to help and just clinging to Shiro.

“That’s nice, sweetheart but can you walk. We’re almost there.” Shiro sighs. His heart keeps on thundering, brought on by the hot breath against his neck, the press of the equally hot body against his. Keith whines but puts one foot in front of the other and so they make their way through the front doors before they’re locked for the night and to the elevator. To the right floor and then to the right door.

“Baby, where’s the key?” Shiro has to nudge Keith’s side to get him to flinch and to haphazardly pat his bag.

“Everything’s spinning so much, why’s everything spinning,” Keith mutters, offers no help whatsoever when Shiro lets him go, just slumps against the wall with his eyes still closed. Shiro pecks his nose and digs through Keith’s bag, finds the clinging keychain and opens the door.

He sighs again as he leads Keith to the bed. Keith flops down, pulls Shiro down with him and starts to giggle.

“Best blanket,” Keith manages through giggles and Shiro has to snort, manages to pull himself up by sheer force of will.

“God, you’re really drunk,” Shiro says and pinches Keith’s nose. Keith blinks, opens those unfairly beautiful eyes and stares up. His cheeks are burning red.

“Not drunk enough to remember to say I love my boyfriend,” he slurs, his grin a little crooked and Shiro’s heart just swells.

“Your boyfriend loves you too, you drunkard. Now let’s get these shoes off you. You’ve gotta help your poor boyfriend as he only has one working arm currently,” he huffs and kisses Keith’s nose again, kisses him on the mouth when Keith whines and tugs his neck.

“Don’t wanna move,” Keith says and gets himself another kiss. Shiro laughs, gently bites at Keith’s lip.

“You’re gonna feel even more awful in the morning if you don’t help me, baby.” Keith gives him a playful snarl but then nods.

“Fine, fine, let me sit up- hoooly shit the room is spinning,” he giggles again and reaches for his boots. Satisfied, Shiro tugs at the hem of his crop top.

“You wanna change into pajamas?”

Keith kicks off one boot and goes to work on the other. He waggles his eyebrows. “Only if you take off my shirt first.  And then your own.”

Shiro stills for a second, fingers scratching Keith’s back until Keith almost purrs. “Only my shirt then. No touching below the belt, you complete and utter tease,” he huffs and together they manage to change Keith’s club-wear into sweatpants, Shiro donning the same outfit. They survive with only minimal blushing and lingering stares because Keith is already slipping back into his half-asleep state, his eyes closed and Shiro is intent on taking care of him until they can fall asleep.

Shiro gets him to drink water, take a leak and brush his teeth before they finally, finally slip under the covers.

“This’s the first time you’ve stayed the night,” Keith murmurs, having wrapped himself around Shiro like a particularly squirmy octopus.

“Mmm,” says Shiro. He’s on his back, with Keith under his arm, Keith’s face against his bare chest. “Hopefully no the last.”

But Keith is no longer awake to hear.

# December 18th, 2016

[2:06pm]

“Here I come hooooooooome!” Lance has not stopped bouncing during the entire duration of the flight.

Keith groans, earbuds, a hoodie and sunglasses not enough to block out everything. “You need  Jesus,” he grumbles, leaning further into Shiro’s comforting presence. Their hands are intertwined, Shiro’s out of his slight fear of flying and need to keep touching Keith constantly, Keith’s out of the need to keep touching Shiro. And because Shiro is the only one not completely noisy and annoying right now.

“Not even hangover can make me feel bad on this glorious day,” Lance says and keeps bouncing and bouncing and bouncing until Pidge leans over Hunk to whisper something at him and they’re giggling suspiciously and glancing at Shiro and Keith.

“Guys,” Hunk says. But he’s biting back a grin.

Shiro has sort of an idea what they’re snickering about. “Guys,” he says. “Don’t be assholes.”

Lance pouts. Hunk nods. Pidge just shrugs. “If you say so. We support you guys one hundred percent but drunk Keith is fucking hilarious, you can’t deny.”

Shiro hums. “Don’t think I didn’t see you sneaking off with Ali and laughing at everything she said even when it was just wasted rambling,” he huffs. Winks. It’s worth of it, just to see Pidge turn an interesting shade of pink.

“Low blow, Shirogane.”

Shiro snickers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooo boy i' mtired as hell so there are probably a million mistakes sorry   
> but this fic will not leave me alone until i'm done with it. 
> 
> and next chapter will be the last because they'll be doing things in good ol' texas
> 
> also: i have literally never been to texas and no absolutely nothing about the place so forgive me. i did google december in texas. 
> 
> you guys really get that little snow? holy shit. as a finn i'm just .. holy shit. i wish our winters were that mild.


	23. so here we are now, no longer alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Shiro take a half-step into physical intimacy. Everyone else is really smug about it. Everything is fluff and nothing hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fandom is killing me slowly and I'm Too Old For This Shit
> 
> so i'm gonna write more fluff out of pure spite

# December 19th, 2016

_[00:35am]_

It had taken Lance’s parents and siblings precisely five minutes all in all to declare that the biggest guestroom is to be given to Keith and Shiro. Both had protested, of course but had been quickly shut down. After a round of invasive questions from the six-year-old twins Delmar and Delia (“Why do you only have one arm?” “Delia!” “Why’s your hair black and white!” “Delmar!” “Are you two boyfriends?” “Well…”) and about a dozen hugs shared between literally everyone breathing and walking on two legs, the group had been herded towards the dining  slash living room.

The dinner had been an incredibly rowdy affair. Shiro had kept bumping his legs against everyone’s under the table and had eaten only the tiniest bites and had apologized profusely. Keith had squeezed his knee and told the others not to bother when Shiro withdrew from the table first; but wanted to help do the dishes afterwards. Judging by the loud laughter coming from the kitchen afterwards, Mrs Yesenia Sanchez had taken a quick liking to Shiro.

She and the husband- Alberto- had taken a liking to Keith as well, although Keith had been less into impressing them than just making constant heart-eyes at his boyfriend. Which Shiro had been making right back.

The evening finds both of them in the biggest guestroom, stripped down to t-shirts and sweats, although Keith had chosen to go in just his boxers. He had barely noticed the light chill of the room as Shiro’s gaze had followed the length of his bare legs and then back up.

The night finds both of them in bed, lying on their sides and facing each other, talking. They keep their voices soft as to not bother the others, the house growing quiet around them.

“I like Lance’s parents,” Shiro says. He shifts. Their noses brush.

“Somehow the fact that he comes from a loud, big family is not a surprise,” Keith huffs, shifts just enough to kiss Shiro’s nose. Shiro’s nose wrinkles. He blinks, this close it’s easy to see the slightly troubled turn of Keith’s pretty mouth.

Shiro shifts so that there are only a few centimetres between them. Shiro’s hand tickles Keith’s sharp hipbone peeking from under his shirt. “What is it, sweetheart? Your face is doing that thing again.”

Keith huffs. His breath is warm against Shiro’s face. “What thing?”

“You look unhappy.”

Keith’s big beautiful eyes open and for a moment Shiro’s hand stills. Lost in a loved one’s eyes might be a romantic comedy-cliché but it’s a cliché that works because Shiro could look at those forever.

“You can tell?” Keith’s voice is nothing but a whisper, his fingers reaching to tickle Shiro’s clean-shaven jaw.

“Why are you upset?” Shiro continues to stroke Keith’s hipbone, slowly sliding his fingers up until they slip under Keith’s shirt. Keith’s skin rises to goosebumps but he doesn’t move away.

“I’m just- it’s kinda stupid. But I’m just wondering what my biological family would have been like. Probably not like this. But. Just.” Keith bites his lip. _That’s my job,_ Shiro thinks but doesn’t say it out loud.

“It’s not stupid, sweetheart. You lost your parents when you were very little. It’s natural to wonder. Especially with all those foster families you’ve been with,” he says instead and pecks Keith’s lips, withdraws before Keith can dive for a deeper kiss.

“It’s not like I’m jealous that Lance has such a big family or that Hunk has such sweet mothers from what I’ve heard- he’s even in contact with the man who donated sperm for Hunk’s moms or- um, or that Pidge has got a brother and such sweet parents. It’s not that. It’s just- it just feels a little unfair,” Keith murmurs, now stroking Shiro’s face, Keith’s nose brushing against Shiro’s.

Their eyes are closed once more, foreheads pressed against each other.

“I know the feeling, baby,” Shiro murmurs. “I used to watch Allura interact with her parents and wonder why I couldn’t have that. Both you and me lost our parents so young that we don’t really remember them so it’s more the longing for a place, a family to belong with that bothers us, right?”

“Right,” Keith huffs.

“But we’ve both found a new family, have we not?” Shiro’s hand moves under Keith’s shirt: his palm warm and large against Keith’s heart.

Keith chuckles. “Yeah. I guess.”

Shiro shifts to kiss Keith’s forehead and keeps his palm where it is. “I hope I count as one of your family, baby.”

Keith doesn’t answer in words but in mushing their mouths together, their lips easily parting for each other. Shiro thinks he’ll never get bored of this: the feeling of Keith’s warmth against his body, the feeling of Keith’s lips against his: soft and pliant and letting out soft, subtle little whines when Shiro’s palm starts to caress down his chest.

“Is this okay?” Shiro asks against Keith’s parted lips. Shiro’s palm covers Keith’s chest easily, keeping his touches light and searching, fingers brushing over a peaked nipple.

Keith groans, his body shuddering. “Oh fuckdammit,” he says. “If you- if you rub I’m gonna get hard and it’s-“

Shiro hums and captures Keith’s lips again. The kiss stays sweet and tender, even as Shiro starts to smirk when Keith whines with every rub of Shiro’s palm.

“You’re sensitive here,” Shiro murmurs, breaks the kiss only to press kisses to Keith’s cheeks and nose and forehead and jaw. Keith huffs but tilts his head to offer Shiro another spot to kiss: the enticing line of his throat.

“I hope you’re ready to take responsibility for this hard-on,” Keith grumbles, but doesn’t quite manage to reach his usual level of grumpiness with the way he’s shifting and squirming against Shiro, Keith’s own hands now caressing Shiro’s hair.

Shiro hums, withdraws both his mouth and his hand. Keith whimpers, his breathing obviously ragged.

“What the fuck-“

“I’m getting hard too, baby, sorry, I went overboard-“ Shiro’s sentence ends in a gasp as Keith pushes him to his back and promptly straddles him, sealing their mouths together again. Keith lowers himself, pushes his hips against Shiro’s and they muffle their shared groan into yet another kiss.

“I’m not drunk right now, I’m in bed- a huge, nice, soft bed with my boyfriend and I wouldn’t mind if he touched my dick right now,” Keith mutters between kisses, between grabbing Shiro’s wrist and bringing it to his ass.

All the blood in Shiro’s brain heads straight to his cock that starts to push against his sweats. He makes a choked off noise, loud enough that Keith breaks the kiss with a smack and blinks down at him.

“Unless-“ Keith clears his throat, even licks his lips. “I’ve read you wrong and you’re not ready at all to do anything sexual with me and just- Shiro?“

Shiro gives Keith’s ass a gentle little squeeze. “You just surprised me, sweetheart. I have been wondering if it wasn’t the appropriate, uh, time to get a little more intimate.”

Keith’s palms are on Shiro’s shoulders. Keith’s lips part and curiously, curiously he rolls his hips.

Shiro’s groan is stuttery. “Keith,” he groans.

Keith bites back a smile, although his eyes twinkle. “We’d have to be pretty quiet though. You wouldn’t happen to have a condom? I’d rather not spill all over someone else’s sheets.”

Shiro bites back a laugh. “You are a goddamn minx, Keith Kogane,” he says, squeezes Keith’s ass harder, even slips a finger under the edge of Keith’s boxers. The curve of Keith’s shapely ass is utterly mouthwatering but Shiro refuses to be the kind of a boyfriend who just takes without ever giving.

“So that’s a no for the condoms then? I was thinking we could just, jerk each other off,” Keith murmurs and now he blushes, the tent in his boxers brushing against the tent in Shiro’s sweats.

Shiro nods. His dick twitches with interest. “I would have suggested you go ask Lance but I don’t think I want to let you go to someone else when you look like this.” His own voice sounds so low in his ears. Keith shifts, presses his ass against Shiro’s palm. Shiro moves it, just enough to engulf the entire right buttock in hand. Keith whines.

“And you might wanna check my bag’s right front pocket,” Shiro hums. “I would do it myself but I have someone on top of me currently, so-“ he grins when Keith shoves at his face and climbs off.

When Keith stumbles his way to where they had dumped their bags, Shiro tries to reorganize himself and his thoughts. He pushes some pillows behind himself and starts tugging at the strings of his sweatpants, face flushed at the sight of his bulge. His size had never really bothered him before but now he wonders if it’s not going to freak Keith out: even half-hard like this it’s easy to see that he’s thick. Shiro shifs, spreads his thights just a bit to not start rubbing them together like some horny animal.

“Takashi.”

Shiro looks up, just in time to get an armful of half-naked Keith, already overwhelmed with the amount of skin on display. While Shiro had been mournfully staring at his dick, Keith had shed his shirt, leaving just his obscenely short red boxers and two condoms. Their mouths clash, their tongues drag wetly against each other as Keith straddles Shiro’s hips once more and Shiro can get his arm around his boyfriend again, palm spreading over that smooth back.

“Sorry, we don’t have any lube or anything but maybe we’ll manage, that just means we can’t go any further than this tonight,” Keith manages, lowering his gaze to their hips. Shiro takes the opportunity to kiss his forehead and hair, to nuzzle at Keith’s temple .

“It’s fine. You know I’m not expecting that from you, not at all,” Shiro huffs, bites back a moan when Keith’s clever, quick, devious hands dive under his sweats.

Keith stills, for just a minute when he finds Shiro’s dick nestled inside his underwear. Then he kisses Shiro more roughly, wraps his fingers around Shiro’s length and squeezes. Shiro moans, reaching down to grab a handful of Keith’s ass once more.

“Fuck,” Keith groans, taking one of the condoms between his teeth and ripping it out of its packaging. “I had a feeling you’d have some size to you but holy fucking shit.”

Shiro’s hips twitch as Keith hand keeps pumping, slow and torturous and clearly out of his depth but no less determined. “It doesn’t- oh, oh- bother you?”

“Bother me? Why would your size bother me? I’m pretty sure your dick is as beautiful as the rest of you,” Keith says and kisses Shiro on the lips, the kiss remaining sweet even as their breaths hitch. Shiro groans, lays his forehead on Keith’s shoulder.

“I’m just speaking the truth, handsome,” Keith purrs and twists his wrist, maybe by accident, maybe on purpose but Shiro’s hips twitch uncontrollably and his dick spills a few drops of pre-cum which Keith eagerly spreads over his length.

“Let me feel yours then too, baby,” Shiro hums, glad that smushed together like this Keith can’t see his expression. Shiro’s voice shakes. Keith laughs, kisses Shiro’s cheek. Keith is panting, his hips doing this little thing that drives Shiro up the wall.

“The next time we’re doing this, I wanna see you shirtless,” Keith murmurs and then Shiro’s brain short-circuits, because Keith’s dick, Keith’s dick is brushing against his, Keith’s hands are spreading pre-cum and pulling on condoms for both of them. Shiro keeps his eyes closed, mouthing at Keith’s neck and shoulder, hips thrusting forward a just a bit.

“Anything you want, baby, fucking anything,” Shiro growls when the wet slide of their dicks and Keith’s hands around them still.

“Oh fuck,” Keith says and then he’s squeezing their dicks, whimpering right into Shiro’s ear and Shiro can’t, he has barely jerked off by himself in weeks, in months to anything not-Keith-related so when he starts to spill his load, he grabs a fistful of Keith’s hair and tugs. Keith barely manages to hold back his moan before they’re kissing again: their already sensitive lips tingling with the furious force of the push and pull of their lips, the moans and growls and whimpers muffled by tongues and lips. Their hips are twitching and thrusting, Keith’s hands moving clumsily, more uncertain once they reach their orgasms, one after other, breathing hard against each other’s mouths, sharing increasingly lazy kisses until Shiro slumps back against the pillows and Keith slumps against his chest.

“Mmm,” says Keith.

“Mmm,” Shiro agrees. He rubs Keith’s scalp. “Sorry. Did I pull too hard?”

Keith squirms and withdraws his hands from between them, shifts a little to bring a few centimeters worth of a distance between their hips. “Nah. Heat of the moment and all.” Keith chuckles. “Fuck yeah.”

Shiro snorts. “Fuck yeah?”

Keith pulls off the condoms off both of them and ties them off, tugging himself back into his boxers and tugging Shiro back into his. “I might have fantasized about our first time together being something like this,” he murmurs and clears his throat.

“Really?” Shiro blinks. Meets Keith’s eyes in the moonlit room. Keith’s cheeks are dark, the glow of him utterly enchanting.

“Yeah.” Keith climbs off once more to dispose of the condoms and go wash his hands in the adjoined tiny toilet. Shiro follows him with his gaze, rather helplessly. Keith with clothes is a sight to behold but Keith without them is another thing completely and Shiro finds himself spellbound, so utterly spellbound.

“I love you,” Shiro says. Keith stills, in the middle of climbing back to bed.

“Why am I still surprised to hear that?” He says and nudges for Shiro to slip under the covers with him.

“Because you’re a nerd?” Shiro says and pinches Keith’s nose.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Keith huffs and swats Shiro’s hand away- but only to grab it and intertwine their fingers.

Shiro leans to kiss Keith’s palm. “The amount of love I have for you doesn’t make sense.”

“Takashi,” Keith says, a little breathless. “That was lame.”

Shiro grins. “If being sappy while I’m in love makes me lame, I don’t care.”

Keith huffs but shifts again so that they are close enough to kiss. “By the way, the answer is yes. You count as one of my family.”

Shiro gives his hand a squeeze, eyes drifting closed. He feels Keith’s soft, plump lips on his palm. “You make me feel like I’m home, baby,” Shiro murmurs.

“I love you,” Keith says, kisses his forehead. “I hope you sleep well. Next to me, that is.”

“I love you,” Shiro says, brain already heading off to dreamlands. “I hope you sleep well and without nightmares.”

 

_[09:35am]_

 

Keith can feel himself slowly awaken. Some part of him, even without opening his eyes knows that it’s way too early to be awake on vacation but still he does. Dim light flows into the room, throwing shadows over Keith and his sleeping boyfriend’s faces.

Oh. That’s right. The only reason why Keith would forgo sleep. During the night, the grip they’ve fallen asleep with had slackened so Keith uses that to his advantage to cup Shiro’s hand between his own and kiss Shiro’s knuckles, paying extra attention to the jagged scar across one of them.

“I told you I’d love to wake up next to you and here we are. Here you are,” Keith murmurs, withdraws just enough to be able to take all of Shiro in at one glance. There’s the strong nose, the chiseled jawline, the sharp slash of the scar across his nose and his adorably messy hair. There are the lips that Keith loves, the dip of a dimple on the left cheek.

“I can hear you thinking even while half-asleep,” Shiro murmurs but doesn’t open his eyes.

“I love you,” Keith says, more than a little breathless.

In the light of the room, Shiro’s eyes open and Keith meets his gaze, burns under that warmth. Burns and is reborn again and again and again.

If this is how loving Takashi Shirogane is like, Keith doesn’t ever want to stop.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is: the so-called-ending to this monster that grew so much bigger than i expected. I'm massively tired and I have a lot of work shifts to look forward to and a brand new playstation 4 and an equally brand new Persona 5 so it's a good place to end this fic 
> 
> ... doesn't stop me from planning that Sheith Fake Dating AU though 
> 
> also sorry that this became so short but m ybrain is leaking out of my ears right now and i really didn't feel like dragging this for too long, you know? This is a little silly story about Shiro and Keith falling in love unrealistically (lmao), not about Christmas so... yea. 
> 
> Tell me what you thought of the story, suggest Sheith-prompts at my tumblr (soundlessrooms) etc just generally scream about Sheith to me because holyfcuk i'm into this ship


	24. today, we are still here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few years later, an epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i emerge from my Playstation 4&Persona 5-hole to give u this and now i go back to gaming

**March 20th, 20xx**

 

Shiro is lying on a field, eyes closed, nothing but the soft summer wind in his ears, the sun curiously peeking through fluffy white clouds. There is not a shred of anxiety in him, no old fears clinging to him and making him ignore and break every mirror he comes across.

He’s at peace.

Except for that something tickling his face. Shiro’s nose wrinkles. He rolls over to his side but the tickling moves to his neck and his ear. A startled chuckle escapes, Shiro tries to swat the tickling feeling away but it merely dodges.

“H-hey, stop it-“ the tickling becomes oddly wet. Like someone licking, wait-

He wakes up with a startled snort, to low laughter and more kisses being pressed against his neck.

“Mister Perfect Student sleeping in the library? How scandalous,” says Keith from behind him before grabbing himself a chair and sitting down. He keeps touching Shiro though, one outstretched foot caressing Shiro’s calf.

Shiro’s glad for it: Keith had picked up so quickly on the fact that Shiro needs the touches to ground himself- no, is starved for it.

Shiro rubs his burning neck and huffs. It’s hard to not to smile at his boyfriend though when Keith is doing that face: that face of softness and inner light and his grin is mischievous.

“Don’t look at me like that, baby, this whole studying like normal people with normal teenage hoods isn’t exactly something I’m used to,” Shiro huffs and rubs his cheek that had been pressed against his stack of text books and pencil case. The first ever pencil case since high school which is starting to feel like a forever ago.

“I know, Takashi. You’re doing so great and I’m really proud of you,” Keith purrs, shifting both himself and his chair closer so that they’re sitting thigh against thigh and Keith can once more wrap his arm around Shiro’s waist, nuzzling his neck.

A couple of years ago neither would have imagined themselves to be here: in the steady quiet of the Garrison College-library, Keith just starting his Master’s, Shiro in the middle of his Bachelor’s and with a prosthetic arm that actually has some degree of sensitivity to touch although it looks nothing like a real arm.

By this point, Shiro’s used to it though and other people’s opinions about his looks have started to matter less and less.

After all, Shiro’s finally free. It had taken its time but he’s here now, he can breathe easier knowing he’s survived to this point and that when evening comes, he can go home with Keith to their shitty, overpriced apartment and have sex or watch shitty reality TV or actually eat normal food without obsessing over calories and diet restrictions.

He still does it though but it’s starting to feel less and less like a necessity these days.

Shiro sighs, turns his head to meet Keith’s lips in a soft, brief kiss.

“You done for today, baby?” Shiro ignores his discontinued notes and the video still playing on his phone and instead rubs his thumb over Keith’s jaw. Keith tends to grow scruff less than Shiro himself but Shiro still likes the feeling of it when it does come: that slight stubble that rubs so deliciously against his own skin.

“Mmhmm. I even called you but I guess you were busy doing some notes. Or just sleeping,” Keith huffs and pinches Shiro’s cheek.

Shiro’s nose wrinkles. His cheeks still feel hot. “You’re the one keeping me up so much,” he murmurs, pinches Keith’s cheek right back when Keith snorts against his cheek and gives it a kiss.

“Don’t make it sound so dirty,” Keith says, squeezing Shiro’s side. “You’re the one insisting on all-nighters although I think you could do better without studying yourself to the bone.”

Shiro shifts, turns so that they’re facing each other. “I don’t want to study forever. I want to get a good job so I can help get us a better home. And actually decorate it with something else than tiny cacti.”

Keith snorts. “Well, blame Lance for that since he thinks cacti are the perfect housewarming present for, and I quote, Grumpy Kitty and Tall Dark And Beautiful, unquote.”

“Blame us both for being so busy that we haven’t had time to actually buy everything,” Shiro says and takes Keith’s hand between his own, brings it to his lips to kiss the knuckles. Keith rolls his eyes but his smile is unbearably fond.

“Admit it. You just want to go bed-shopping in like, IKEA or something,” Keith huffs. Lets himself get pulled into a kiss though, rubs their noses together before both chuckle.

“I’d go to the moon with you if you wanted,” Shiro says. “God, look at you. Here I was, trying to take power nap and my utterly, unfairly gorgeous boyfriend comes in, dressed in those jeans and wearing one of my shirts and now I can’t think of anything else but kissing you breathless.”

Keith lets out a soft whine, gives Shiro’s calf a gentle tiny kick. “It was the closest thing at hand. And maybe I wanted to take a break from studying too to cuddle up to my, and I quote, utterly, unfairly gorgeous boyfriend, unquote, whose fucking rippling muscles couldn’t fit one of my shirts ever and who really shouldn’t wear a shirt anymore anywhere. Not that I want anyone else looking at you the way I look at you.”

Shiro chuckles, pecks Keith’s nose, cups his face to press their foreheads together again. “I’d get cold, baby. And it’s not like I’m in such fit shape as I was in the Academy anymore anyway.”

Keith huffs. His hands settle on Shiro’s knees. “You’re still fit as hell. But I  like that you’ve gotten a little more softer.” Keith’s breath hitches, so clearly that Shiro’s eyebrow rises. “It just makes you, uh, better to cuddle up with, not that I don’t love touching your muscles and I’m saying all of this in public although this is a secluded booth and just- stop laughing, Shiro, come on-“

Shiro can’t help it. He keeps his palms cupping Keith’s face, helplessly bites back his snorts and chuckles and leans forward once more to press kisses all over Keith’s face.

“You’re beyond cute, baby. But it makes me happy that you like my body. It helps me get better at liking it too,” Shiro says once they manage to put a few centimetres worth of a distance between each other.

Keith’s expression is soft when Shiro lays his eyes on it once more. “Wanna go to the gym today? Lance has been begging for another selfie of us ever since you posted that one like a year ago. Yeah. I know. That idiot never lets things go.”

Shiro snorts. “Should we oblige? After all, we know he just appreciates for the aesthetics or something. He did say he’d nominate himself for bestman for one of us if we ever got married.”

“Let’s show off,” Keith says and takes Shiro’s hands, their fingers curling around each other like there was no other place for them to be. “I do like it when he goes all keymashing in your pictures. And mine, for some reason.”

Shiro snorts. Keith’s nose wrinkles.

“Please. Like you don’t know he’s thought you’re hot ever since you knew each other,” Shiro says, head tilting.

Keith grins, as Shiro’s words bring up a memory from around a year ago when Lance had confessed to having a little crush on Keith when they had first met- but that same crush had waned pretty quickly when Lance had realized there was no chance in hell.

“That was weird,” Keith remarks, stroking his thumbs over Shiro’s palms. The contrast between the one made of flesh and blood and the one made of different sorts of metal and wires is no longer startling, just interesting.

“Hhmmhm. Especially when it became kind of obvious who his heart really beat for,” Shiro says and smiles too.

Keith watches him. Shiro watches him back. “Their wedding’s soon. I’m kinda excited, to be honest,” Keith says then.

“Yeah, me too. When he and Hunk asked us for their best men, well. I still wonder if that could be us one day,” Shiro remarks and brings Keith’s hands to his lips once more. Keith bites his lip, laughs when Shiro playfully nibbles on one fingertip.

“It can,” Keith says. “If you want.”

Shiro meets his eyes again. “To share the rest of my life with my loving boyfriend? Oh, the horror.”

Keith rolls his eyes again. “Stop it.”

Shiro winks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby.”


End file.
